Average

A few days ago, I was invited to breakfast with my friend Y and a friend's husband. This man's wife, Y and I were supposed to have started a business together a couple of years ago. We met with lawyers, bankers and real estate agents (plus others) over many moons and nothing happened! It was the biggest disappointment on a professional and career front for me. When I got the invite, I almost didn't accept. First of all, our friend wouldn't be there and I also have other commitments. Then again, I am glad I ended up going for breakfast that day.

Because it is my favourite meal of the day and the second reason was this man picked Pickle Barrel! PB used to be my favourite go to place with Smoggie. No matter what time we went there, I would always end up ordering from the breakfast menu. So, it was with great enthusiasm that I set off to partake in this essential meal of the day.

Sometimes we become friends with people through our children. Children form friendships first and then the mothers and if everyone involved is lucky, the fathers and the siblings join in voluntarily and happily. Then it becomes a family friendly affair of sorts. At least, this is the pattern I have grown accustomed to.

Back to the breakfast now...

Only PB would think of throwing in a Latkes option with Eggs Benny. Amidst poached goodness and Hollandaise sauce, we conversed about our boys. Both the man and Y have same aged boys as Hans. In such situations, there almost always is an underlying competitive spark that could occasionally light a fire and destroy an entire proverbial forest or a friendship. So, we approach these conversations cautiously.

The other 2 parents have boys who have been identified as "gifted" privately. Yes, they actually had them tested for different reasons. One of the boys is in a private school learning French as his 3rd language and the other made it to the CW. I am proud of these boys' accomplishments as I have been part of their journeys and they are Hans' friends. 

Somehow amidst the wonderful conversation, the word "average" was used to describe Hans. Obviously, he is the boy who hasn't moved to a better place in his little life?! Usually, I let such things go; however, I took offence to the word. It is not the word's fault. It simply exists. It is how the word was used within a certain context that ticked me off!

And so I am going to share another real story about a mother with 2 boys. This mother felt that her oldest was bright and requested for the "gifted" test for him. He did not get identified as "gifted". It crushed her spirit and she made it her mission to get her youngest into the "gifted" program. Long story short, she succeeded in her mission.

What are the boys up to now?! The oldest "non gifted" boy is on his way to becoming a doctor. The youngest "gifted" boy had a miserable time in the "gifted" program and is undecided as to what he wants to do in a business program?!

Being identified as "gifted" mostly means that the kids have parents who are involved or parents who have the means to provide them with the necessary support.  Truly gifted is a character like Will Hunting from the acclaimed movie. Gifted cannot be captured in a test administered at age 7 or 8 or 9. And no child can be labelled as "average" on the same note.

Recently, G used the phrase "as dumb as dumb gets". And I want to borrow it for this post. If we allow our children or ourselves to believe they are better than their peers because of an early accomplishment in their lives, that may or may not indicate their strengths nor future accomplishments in any concrete way, then the whole notion of it is as dumb as dumb can get.

I really want Hans to know that he is not dumb in any way and he is also not average. Comparing himself to anyone at his age is doing a great disservice to himself. If anyone is dumb or average at this stage in Hans’ life, it is most likely his mother who has not invested her time in the right manner to make him look accomplished or get him a respectable label!