Irreplaceable

For those who care to know, I wasn't at work yesterday. I was at a learning session for the entire day. At around lunch time, the other ISP teacher sent me a cheerful note.

 

Your kids had a wonderful morning with Ms SupplyTeacher! Hope you are enjoying your workshop!

I was happy to receive the note, but it also made me sad. I was like "life goes on ... with or without me"! Did I want to hear that it was utter chaos without me?! I don't know. I felt like I am so replaceable!

This morning, I woke up to messages from ASid's best friend who goes to school in Ottawa. This is what he sent.

 

Hi, I don't mean to overstep or anything but I think Hans might be going through something and I wanted to give you a heads up just in case he hasn't reached out to you yet. Not sure if it's my place or not but I think someone at his school passed away so I wanted to warn you just in case. Not sure how close Hans and them were but wanted to let you know.

Then, I also read a message from ASid where he said that it was a suicide.

I tried to remember my conversation with Hans yesterday … It was about his haircut that he described as an assault on his person, and I told him that hair grows back. I also told him to eat better, and then, I let him be.

I almost always leave for work before he wakes up. So, I decided to talk about the "incident" from his school later today. On my way to work I thought of the parents of the child who was gone. It made me very sad. When I got to work, I needed to talk with someone. There is this teacher who is always there bright and early, and she has become my unofficial mentor and a real friend. Often, I decompress with her. So, I walked into her classroom.

I started off by saying how I felt like I was so easily replaceable. And she knew exactly what to say to me. She said that I am perhaps physically replaceable; however, no one can replace my essence. Long after students move on, I will continue to be in their memories.

Then, I told her about this child passing away, and the tears started rolling down my cheeks. I just reached out for a hug and thanked her for being there for me. It is so liberating to be able to walk into another teacher’s classroom and treat it like a therapist’s office. I suddenly felt thankful for my life!

It took a while getting back home, and I was glad to know that Hans was just sick and a little distraught. He had known the other child for about 6 years … not a friend, but it was still a shock. All I could tell him was that we are lucky to have the people we have in our lives, and hopefully we will never think of ending what we have.

I probably should have told him that we are irreplaceable.