Crushes? Crutches?

A few weeks ago, my oldest revealed to me that he has a secret crush! He followed that up immediately with “Don’t tell Dad! He will make fun of it!”. Of course, Craigley need not know about it. I can keep a secret about a secret crushJ. So it turns out it is this girl named C. I asked him if he spends a lot of time with C? It turns out that he actually spends a lot of time with S since they really understand each other and work well together. I wanted to tell him that perhaps he is confused about his crush, however he is 11 years old; really, this is NOT serious by any definition! After a couple of weeks, he actually confided in me that he has changed his mind and there is some other girl who is his crush. He did NOT reveal any names, however I was sure it was S! I was also mighty proud of him for realizing thatJ. A week later, he told me that this whole thing about secret crushes is really silly and he is over it. OK. Who am I to argue with that wonderful logic?

Last night, just before he went to bed, he asked me if I purchased the cans he needed to take to school for the Food Drive. I told him that I did not as there is still plenty of time to donate the cans. My son looked like he was ready to cry. I did not know if that was a good thing or just plain annoying. I know they have been talking about empathy at school; however this reaction was just too much! So, I asked him to calm down and explain the urgency. He started saying how S had been covering for him at school. Every time he forgot something, she had helped him by remembering it for him. Apparently, she requested him to NOT forget bringing in cans as soon as possible since they are competing with another class! He was almost ready to cry since he didn’t want to disappoint her again. It was my turn to almost cry. My boy is growing up … he cares about a girl’s feelings! Crush or not, that’s so sweet.

I immediately put together a few things from our kitchen. His smile, as always, was priceless.

Where is "The End"?

This is a follow-up to my last post.

A couple of days later, I was at my 4-year Old’s school to pick him up; his teacher informed me that the very same boy with an insistence for “an eye for an eye” justice pulled my son’s hair! He pulled it hard enough that ice had to be applied to my son’s scalp. According to the teacher, he cried a bit. A few minutes later, I got a text from the other boy’s mom that simply said, “My turn to say sorryL”!

Of course, this became sensational news at the dinner table. Both Craigley and my 11-year Old announced that the other boy is NO longer allowed in our home and that he should be avoided at all costs even at school. WHAT?? That is not a solution. How do 2 kids avoid each other during 8 years of public school life? I didn’t want to argue with 2 angry guys and agreed to steer away from the other boy as much as possible for the next few days. I also took the time to write an email to the teacher in which I elaborated on the other boy’s use of violent language and requested her to talk to both the boys about appropriate use of language.

When I mentioned the email to Craigley after the boys were off to bed, he was very disappointed in me. He actually called me a “Tattle Tale Mom”! He was like, “You told on a 4 year old kid to his teacher!” Technically, yes; but, NOT really. Don’t they say that it takes a whole village to raise the child? I am trying to help the other boy as well. Craigley’s stance was that we help our boy and the other set of parents will help their boy. And how are we helping our boy? Asking him to stay away from his classmate!

Parenting is like being in a debate club sometimes …

Bad Words

Last Thursday, I was told by my 4-year Old’s teacher that he grabbed a classmate’s hair. Apparently, the other boy grabbed my son’s toy and my son grabbed his hair! I was embarrassed and shocked at the display of such behavior. I mean, no one in our home grabs anyone’s hair … Obviously the weekend was spent in teaching the little fella right from wrong. I also sent a note of apology to the other boy’s mom who let me know that her son has complained about my son on another occasion a couple of weeks ago. I was a little perplexed … Where is this behavior coming from?

2 days ago, on Monday, I decided that it is a good idea for my son to walk home with this boy. Perhaps, they could make up? At least, that was my intention! As we walked home, I also took the opportunity to apologize to the boy and in return, he insisted on pulling my son’s hair. This boy tried to grab my son’s hair which was luckily under 2 hoodies. While he was attempting to demonstrate “an eye for an eye”, his nanny managed to stop him. I was relieved as I am little uncomfortable disciplining other people’s children’s behaviour. My reaction would be to pull my child away and walk away. Since the nanny intervened, we continued to walk together. I thought I will make small conversation to diffuse the situation. I asked the boy what he likes about school. I will never forget his words. He said, “I hate school. I want to take a gun and shoot everybody at school.” As I was reeling from this revelation, my son said, “Yes! I will take a gun to school too!” What? Where is this coming from? At that point in time, I actually told the other boy and my boy that they are not supposed to speak such language. The other boy ignored me and I decided to walk separately with my child.

As we walked, I talked to him about guns and how they are bad. For good measure, I also told him about how people with guns can go to prison. I was so scared that I didn’t even register that I am talking to a 4 year old! I kept repeating that he should not even utter some words since they are bad words. After a couple of minutes, my son asked me, “Like washroom words?” I nodded in agreement. I went from scared to sad when I looked at his face. He is so little. I let him know that guns should only be used by police officers to catch bad people. Good people don’t use guns and good people don’t say bad words. The rest of the walk home was quiet.

However, when we got home, my son asked me if he can say bad words when he is a grown up?

School Councils

Sometime in September, I signed up to be on my firstborn’s school council. What was I thinking? … I was thinking that I have some time with 2 kids at school and it is time to venture out there and do something to make a difference. A trial job before an actual job? However, it is more like a tiny part-time job that takes up a considerable amount of time!!

I have attended 2 meetings so far – one in October and one in November. The very first meeting made me feel quite insignificant and inadequate. I met dads and moms who are working full time and who work on the council raising money for our children’s school. Their efforts fund interesting programs that benefit all the children including my own.

I am now involved in fundraising and I have requested for a “primer” J I don’t know where to start! This lack of “training” on my part has also got me thinking about funding in general at schools. What if parents don’t have the time or initiative to work on school councils … What if parents don’t have funds to contribute to the fundraising efforts … What happens when there are such disparities between schools? I am sure I am not the first parent or person to ask these questions.

Note: Yesterday [November 11, 2012] was Remembrance Day and the boys and I watched the coverage on CBC. As I am writing today, I feel that the phrase we associate with Remembrance Day applies in all walks of life – Lest We Forget …

My Parents

It has only been 9 days since the last post, however it feels longer …

I was a bit busy with my parents’ 40^th anniversary celebration. It was a 2-day event. Celebrating my parents and their life together brought back memories. I wasn’t always the perfect child; however my parents have always been kind and generous with me. Of course, my mom does say some choice words to me once in a while and I believe that one should cleanse oneself of all negative feelings! It is cheap therapy J I will dedicate a post or 2 to my mom sometime in the near future. She is quite a fascinating person.

My dad, on the other hand, has never said anything negative to me till I became a mom. His grandchildren are the centre of his universe. As my dad’s daughter I could make mistakes and was forgiven umpteen times, however as the mother of my dad’s grandchildren, I am not allowed to make any mistakes! Parents!!

However, through all the ups and downs, my parents have been fantastic and I am very fortunate to be their daughter.

An aside: Dear boys, momley’s life is not this perfect and she is not always this positive and happy. You live with her, so you know! She just seems to pick really good days to blog about her life!!

I am NOT an Island

Today, I finally watched the movie Julie and Julia! I cried and laughed through the movie. While I watched, I also felt the intense urge to call Craigley at work and say to him, “You are the butter to my bread”! Hope I quoted that accurately.

Wanting to stay home and take care of the kids is not an easy decision for any couple to make … I am glad Craigley supported me. There are days there is resentment. We could do this if we had two incomes! There are days there is gratitude. I am glad you are the one staying home and dealing with all this. There are days there is jealousy. You are so lucky you get to spend all this time with the kids. There are days of joy. Thank you!

Through all the emotions and ups and downs, I feel lucky. I want my boys to know that their dad loves their momley. And I couldn’t have done it without him!

Thanksgiving ...

On October 2, 2012, I celebrated (mentally) 20 heartwarming years in Canada. I can officially say that I have lived more than half my life here!

On this special 20^th Anniversary Thanksgiving weekend, I am most thankful for my family and my friends. Everyone has contributed to my growth as an individual … daughter, sister, wife, friend, and most importantly, mom!

Recently, my oldest wrote his autobiography for a school assignment and I quote the following excerpts from his work:

I’m really not sure what makes me a worthwhile friend, but friendship means a lot to me.

I don’t really know how to describe my character. But I would say my physical appearance is okay, but not so great, normal, regular and fine.  

This is the same kid, who at 5 years of age was worried about not looking like a “Canadian”! 6 years later, his writing reflects how Canadian he is!

I am so thankful for him and so proud of him.

My youngest, on the other hand, has this tendency to invite everyone to our home. He doesn’t write yet, however this one trait of his reflects his being Canadian J Always welcoming!

While I am on a roll here mentioning the great Canadians in my life, I will also add a few excerpts from my friend K’s comments in response to My Family post from August 21, 2012.

I have a few friends … who used to get asked where they were from a lot. I think people ask in the hopes of starting a conversation or curiosity.

Canada is a multi-cultural place. Being Canadian means having the privilege to understand all cultures which makes us more informed and inevitably smarter and nicer!

On that note, Happy Thanksgiving Canada!