Thursday, 11 December 2014

Feedback: Raw vs Censored

Following is what ASid wrote for a “Reflection” assignment:

I believe as a group, we could have done a better job. Some problems were that our leader, C, did not participate at all and was instead fooling around with her friends, and if she came our way, she wasn't on task at all. If anything, C was an annoyance, disrupting our work, and making it difficult to work together as a unit. Another issue was one of our other group members, T, was slightly inactive during practising, and he often went to socialize, or even buy something from the cafeteria! My fellow members, H, and L highly contributed to our dance warm-up, providing valuable feedback, and criticism to our work. It was mainly L, H, and I who carried the burden of bringing the group together, and choreographing the entire dance, which was also cut off! It seems as if we were not allowed to perform our whole dance warm-up, which would've lasted for around 6-8 minutes, but we were cut down to only 2-4 minutes due to the lack of participation in our practising by our other two members, which hindered the possibility to do our entire dance as it would look bizarre for only 3/5 members to actually do the moves. Another reason that our dance was cut short was because for some reason, you (Mr Ck) said we had to stop our dance as you said that you have seen enough. I felt you gave us somewhat of an unfair marking, as like mentioned before, team members C and T did not participate or help, and since you didn't let us perform the whole dance, you did not evaluate us on the whole dance warm-up. I request for new groups, for future dances, as my current group greatly hinders the capabilities of H, L, and I.

There are days I wish I could express myself that way! Unfortunately, such honesty does not work. It could be construed as being bitter and comes across as ASid is a whining team player. So, I worked with ASid to come up with the following:

I believe as a group, we could have done a better job. Our biggest challenge was a lack of leadership.  Also, only 3 out of 5 team members actively contributed their time and effort to the dance warm-up.  I appreciate 2 of my fellow members who provided valuable feedback, and criticism to our work. It was the 3 of us who carried the burden of bringing the group together, and choreographing the entire dance, which was also cut off! It seems as if we were not allowed to perform our whole dance warm-up, which would've lasted for around 6-8 minutes, but we were cut down to only 2-4 minutes due to the lack of participation in our practising by our other two members, which hindered the possibility to do our entire dance as it would look bizarre for only 3 out of 5 members to actually do the moves. Also, we were asked to stop our dance half way and it also resulted in an unfair marking! As mentioned before, 2 team members did not participate or help, and since we were not allowed to perform the whole dance, we were not evaluated on the whole dance warm-up. I request for a new group, for future dances, as my current group greatly hinders the capabilities of some of us.

As much as I wanted ASid to hand in the reflection as is, I felt the need to teach him diplomacy. I wonder if his teacher, Mr Ck, would have accepted the minor accusation of him being unfair?! Why do they give team work and have it evaluated?! Adults struggle in the real world in team situations. Why burden kids with it?!

I wonder what will happen with this “Reflection” assignment. Stay tuned…
 

Tuesday, 2 December 2014

Second Best

The other day Hans said that I was the best mom in the whole wide world. Instead of graciously accepting the compliment, I proceeded to say something like this: “You know Hans…there is a kid somewhere out there who thinks that his or her mom is the best mom too!”

There was a momentary pause before Hans said: “It’s OK Momley…you can be the second best then!”
 

Tuesday, 18 November 2014

Journey? OR Destination?

It was barely a couple of months ago that ASid officially entered the halls of Teendom! That's supposed to be challenging enough for him; I have been there and somewhat remember that time. But I was a girl and he is a boy, and perhaps I don't know what he is actually going through?!

While he is going through this personal transition, there are other changes happening as well. There are choices he is being asked to make. Apparently, Grade 8 students can apply to specialized High School programs within the TDSB. ‎There is cutthroat competition for this handful of programs. 12 and 13 year old kids are being asked to write their personal profiles, list all activities they are involved in and write entrance tests!

Most parents, I am sure, would like to believe their kids can achieve anything...I am one of them. I have complete faith in my children; I believe they will achieve if they are interested. ASid is interested in these specialized programs as he has always been quite academic. So, I have been gathering information and getting my firstborn to fill out applications and do some introspection. Who is he and why should these programs be interested in him?

I have told him quite clearly that I will be fine if he does not get into any of these programs. As a parent, I got on board quite late. There are parents who have been grooming their children for months, if not years to prepare for these entrance tests. I have realistically set up expectations and support my child. To me, the journey is of utmost importance. By participating in the application process, my child can learn many skills. If he gets accepted into a program, it then becomes the proverbial cherry on the top!

At this point in time, ASid has gone through one application process. He is preparing for the next one. The date for the entrance test clashes with the date of Hans' first dance recital. Craigley and I need to divide and conquer. I asked him to take ASid while I took responsibility of Hans. All Craigley told our son was that he would only get involved if ASid was serious about the entrance test. For Craigley, the destination is important; one must prepare well to reach one's destination!

Poor ASid! Such mixed messages from his parents. But he is learning; he is learning that every person he meets in his lifetime will have different expectations of him. ASid will not meet all expectations...eventually he will start taking detours to get to his destination or take a different path and set a new destination. He has a choice and I hope I have made that abundantly clear to him. All the best kid. You are not alone.
 

Friday, 7 November 2014

When it rains, it pours!

I had been so full of self-doubt the last few months as I embarked on the journey to find a job. There were days I was tough on myself and there were days I felt sorry for myself. I found support in strangers and lost faith in loved ones. There was a bit of paranoia that people were judging me and perhaps pitying me?! Mostly, I didn't want to let down my boys.

I remember going for my one and only one interview. I was in a taxi on the way there. Usually, I walk or take the TTC. That day, I didn't want to arrive huffing and puffing to the interview. It worked out well that it wasn't too far from my home. As I got in, I couldn't help but let the taxi driver ‎know that I was going for a job interview. I shared with him about being a stay-at-home mom for over 12 years and how nervous I was about the interview! As I left the taxi, the driver remarked, "It is not the end of the world!” It was sweet and ironic at the same time as I say that to my boys almost always. I was grateful for the reminder that day.

‎And hopefully, I will never forget it. Today, as I am remembering that moment, I am also hoping the boys will never forget it. Sometimes, we lose perspective of what is important. Jobs will come and jobs will go. Time is not made that way. Right now, I have jobs scheduled here and there. I don't have a full-time job and yet, I am so busy. It does pour when it rains...and I will enjoy these blessings from the skies.
 

Monday, 13 October 2014

Thanksgiving 2014

So much to be thankful for! The Reno wrapped up a few days ago. Yay! The boys are settling in quite nicely into their respective new school years. Craigley had a car accident on the 401, but he is not hurt! His car is toast; however it was time to buy a new car anyways! What can I say? No complaints.

A few somewhat random thoughts on this wonderful day...

Hans is a funny boy. The other day he kept following me around and trying to help me. I asked him if he wanted to be like Momley. His answer was not what I expected! He said that he wanted ‎to be like me so that he and his friend T could wear princess costumes! Although taken aback slightly, I assured him that he doesn't have to be a girl to try on princess costumes. At which point, he firmly stated that he did not want to be a girl! I did not discuss it further as Hans seemed to have ended our conversation on that firm note. A few days later, Craigley and I were talking about my friend A and how her husband is a year younger than her. Hans remembered that conversation and later declared that he didn't want to end up like A!! It was a rather strong statement. He went on to add that he wanted to be stronger and older than his wife!! Funny boy...he is only 6 and he has so much on his mind. I don’t know what to expect from this child of mine on a daily basis and I don’t know what the future holds for him?!

On a serious note, one of Hans' cousins does not want to be a girl anymore. She is now a He - a transgender male. The parents sent an informative email to all family members asking them to understand this transition in their child's life, and to support their child appropriately. The parents mostly expressed their relief that their child is finally happy.

I am so thankful we live‎ in country where we can be who we choose to be and not be alone. Thanks for family and friends, and their understanding as well as their support.

Happy Thanksgiving Canada! Have a good one!
 

Saturday, 20 September 2014

One last time...

I wasn't sure when I wrote the "final update" on Chucky if that was indeed "The End"?! I am afraid it wasn't! Chucky somehow became a bigger issue than ever before. I guess the easiest way to deal with it would have been to sit with his parents, share some coffee and casually bring up my concerns about their child. However, in my typical style, I wrote an elaborate email!

What a mess! Chucky's mom showed up at my door and insisted that her son is very well behaved and no one has complained about him except for me. Seriously? She went on to insinuate that perhaps I am the problem?!‎ I should have been more firm with him. I got a little defensive and said that I have always aimed to make my home kid friendly and in fact, Chucky should have strived to keep the good will going instead of antagonizing me?! At this point in time, Chucky's mom took a look around my living area and suggested that that may be an issue as well!

Seriously? I was being told my home is perhaps too messy and I am too friendly, and that this may be encouraging Chucky to treat me like he treats me?! I had seen him with his first nanny, his "reliever" nanny and his most recent nanny, and he treats them with the utmost disrespect. ‎Is Chucky lumping me in with his nannies? The mom didn't have an answer.

For some reason, I took the opportunity to list a couple of incidences where her son behaved in a shocking manner. One of them involved Chucky screaming several times that one of his friends was touching his private area that starts with a P and ends with an S! Chucky had actually set up the situation so he could get a chance to scream that way! The mom was totally offended by my narration and proceeded to declare that I am making her son out to be manipulative...I guess any parent would have been upset and on the defensive! However, I was being honest and I was sharing my concerns about Chucky.

At that point in time, I wanted to take my email back and not deal with Chucky's mom. That was in May and even after 3 months, I feel awkward when I run into Chucky's parents at school or in the neighbourhood. It is really sad because now I feel like I am the bad guy! But then again, I'd like to believe that I did my duty as a fellow parent and brought to attention something of relevance and consequence to another parent's notice. How they deal with it is their choice. All the best to Chucky!

Next time, I will not put my concerns in an email. However, I hope there is no next time!
 

Sunday, 14 September 2014

A Reno Story

Today is my friend KPF’s birthday and I would like to attempt another humourous post to tickle his Newfoundland funny bones! So, here goes…

We moved into our new home 3 years ago! At that point in time, it was already 40+ years old. It wasn't really new by any means and needed serious renovations. We didn't have extra cash and we didn't really care about appearances.

Our (this is precisely where Craigley would interject, if he could, to change "our" to "her" or make it so to reflect it as my choice!)  sole purpose in purchasing a home in our neighbourhood was so that the boys have access to better schools. So, we (or rather I) went over budget‎ and picked up something that made us the proverbial "house rich, cash poor" people! (If Craigley could step in again, he would say that it is not even a house! It is a “Town House” that comes with monthly maintenance fee which technically wouldn’t make us very rich…hmmm!) It didn't and still doesn't bother me as I truly believe the long term benefits far outweigh the short term pain.

Anyways, to continue on with the home reno story...

Our parquet floor started buckling last summer. I learned about it in Science a very long time ago - expansion and contraction. Our parquet was absorbing the moisture in the air during the warm months when air-conditioning is on and doing crazy things like literally popping out of the floor. So, we got a dehumidifier and I patched up the broken parquet with tape. Believe it or not, this was a better plan than placing chairs over the buckled areas like pylons. Our home looked like some amateur obstacle course. So, the taping down made it less chaotic.

Craigley wanted to get rid of the home, the mortgage, the impending reno and just move out. Perhaps that is where his frustration stems from?! To have a wife who puts him in a financially precarious position and refuses to budge!! Guilty as charged. There are days I want the boys to know that if their dad is upset with their Momley, there is a good reason.

Anyways, to continue on with the home reno story...

After almost a year of living with a patchwork floor, it was time to fix the problem. I just didn't realize how big an undertaking it is. I casually spoke with some parents at school while we waited around and got an abundance of advice.

...go for engineered wood; hardwood is overrated...

...hardwood is the way to go if you want to increase the value of your home...

...buy the wood and do it yourself; you will save a bundle...

...shop around and get as many quotes as possible...

...do it when the kids are at school...

...do it over summer holidays...

All good advice and a lot to think about!

Finally, we got down to it a week before "Back to School"! It was supposed to have finished within 5 days. It took 2 weeks and a day, and the workers left with a day's worth of work to complete the reno. They took off 6 days ago and have somewhat contacted us. I have communicated twice now. Our garage is filled with debris and our home continues to be a construction zone! I did the mistake of paying everything upfront; I have no leverage over the reno people! So, I wait; I have no choice!

This home reno story will one day have an end…till then, I hope, someone got a laugh out of it if not KPF. Happy birthday my friend!