First Day...again!

Summer flew by and it is already the first day of another school year. Always‎ a day of mixed emotions for me! I am handling it better with each year; fewer “water works” for sure!

I have 2 choice quotes from the boys that describe where they are in terms of their mental age.

ASid is 14 and has definitely shown the proverbial teenage attitude. Here is how he feels these days - I didn't choose to be born; you chose to have children!

Hans is 7; literally half his brother's age. His communication mainly revolves around "gases" and he can laugh uncontrollably if someone brings up "gases". Here is his most profound utterance - If I have some burps and farts, I ‎can eat some more...my tummy is too full now!

I am gonna miss my boys‎, but good to know that they are on their way.

Here is how I know. Following are a few words a parent sent me last night:

You know when I was talking to (ASid) the other day, I couldn’t help smiling during our conversation, because I felt so happy for you and for him as well. I felt happy for you, because (ASid) really impressed me in many ways…

This parent wanted ASid’s advice for her nephew who is starting Junior High this year. ASid actually took the time out to talk to this parent. She works at SickKids and she deals with the brain in particular…if ASid impressed her, then he is alright! And his brother must be alright too!

Note: I do not need an endorsement to know that my boys are OK; but it doesn’t hurt to receive one!

 

Unleashing Messy Boys on Unsuspecting Neat Girls!

I rarely complain about my boys to anyone. They are not perfect, but there isn't much to complain about. One of the few times I did, I was told that it is my fault!

It was perhaps 2 or 3 years ago, I was chatting with Hans' Art teacher. I think I was ‎trying to let her know why I hadn't invited her to my home for a cup of tea?! I told her how I have a messy home as I have 2 boys and their stuff is everywhere. To which, she did not bat an eyelid and spoke in a matter of fact tone that it was my fault that I did not teach them cleanliness!!

It was like a slap in my stay-at-home mom face. OK! Bit of a hyperbole there, but I tend to take anything related to my "momleying" very personally!‎ When I mentioned the conversation to my mom, she said in the same matter of fact tone that "truth hurts"! WOW! A second slap in my stay-at-home face! This one was more painful.

I looked at my figurative red face in a figurative mirror and realized that both the women did not say anything that is not true. I am so used to cleaning up after the boys that if I couldn't, the messiness increases exponentially!! I believe I told myself that "a messy home is a happy home" and the mantra worked for me for the most part. I only felt some feelings of embarrassment when I had adult company at my home. Otherwise, it is the most welcoming home to kids and teenagers alike.

Fast forwarding to now, I am tired of feeling embarrassed and ‎making excuses for the boys. Therefore, I got tough last week. Clean up or no more play dates!! It was/is a lot of work. I can actually see the floor in ASid's room. He appreciated the change. In fact, he exclaimed something like, "Momley, we only found dust bunnies in my room! Some of my friends actually eat and drink in their rooms! Their rooms must be even harder to clean!" Yes, that made me feel a bit better. I have a "no eat/drink in bedroom" policy. So I did something right. The fact that ASid could imagine a worse situation than he put himself in and reflect upon it is a good sign. However, it would be so much nicer if he can imagine a better situation than he was in, and strive for it…at least, he is on his way…he will get there! I have faith.

A very long time ago, my friend P and I were pregnant with our firstborns. I had a boy and she had a girl; they were 36 days apart. As a mother of a girl child, P's only concern was that the boy her daughter will eventually settle down with won't be a spoilt little brat‎! I hope not! On that note, I wouldn't want some girl in the future telling me that I have raised messy boys. Well, there is damage control underway.

I will not be guilty of unleashing messy boys on unsuspecting neat girls!

 

Smell the Armpit and Believe it!

ASid was due on the 13th of ‎August, but he arrived on the 22nd! He refused to come out and greet the world; the doctor had to literally drag him out of there! ASid was what they call a "forceps baby”!

That was almost 14 years ago.

ASid has been‎ a well behaved infant/toddler/(little/big/teenage) boy ever since then. Other moms like(d) their kids to hang out with ASid. He has been told that he is a smart kid for about a dozen years now. Couple of his teachers recommended him for the gifted program in the school board. All this has led to ASid believing that he must indeed be smart. This is perhaps his one big fault; this is what has been identified as a tragic flaw in some literary characters and many real "characters".

Obviously, as a parent, I worry about ASid. He has used his smartness to argue his way out of several situations. ‎It has worked and sometimes, it hasn't. It definitely didn't work when he declared that many teens around the world spend an average of 6 hours a day gaming on their various devices. My harsh response to that was that their parents must be dead or don't care!

A few weeks back, ASid ‎declared that taking a shower a day is way too much. His sidekick of a brother, Hans, agreed with him. Both the boys presented it as an environmentally friendly option. Not taking a shower is like saving water and we must not waste water. I decided to support them provided they both wore clean underwear and clothes every day?! It was a done deal. Quickest compromise in the history of Momley Moments!

Gods must have been on my side because a few days later, ASid's face started breaking out! He refused to attribute it to a lack of daily showers; he simply stated that he was going through puberty and that's all there is to it. Who am I to disagree?!

A few more days later, ASid complained to me that I am not providing the proper support he needs during his adolescence. How come his face looks so terrible?! Perhaps I should buy him a bunch of products?! Well, my response was water related and he walked away.

Finally, ASid agreed to "try my way". Within 3 days, his face was thankful. (Talking of which I have to thank my friend Y for recommending lavender oil‎!) That's all it took - a good wash and a dab of lavender oil. The side effects were that not only did ASid feel better than before, he also smelled better than ever!

In 3 to 4 days, as my firstborn turns 14 and is off to high school, I have this urge to sit him down and do my own version of To thine own self be true! I do not have as much to say as Polonius, but a couple of things I have always communicated to my children, I’d like to reiterate - be kind to everyone and please don't be over smart. One of these days, they will just be smart enough and to that end, I would like to add...

If thy armpit doth smell, 'tis time for a wash.
 

Marriage and Heaven

Hans has continued to ask questions about Death, Heaven and Hell. For the most part, he seems somewhat satisfied with the answers I provide.

The other day I was watching a movie and a character said something about marriages being made in heaven.‎ Hans immediately commented:

If marriages are made in heaven, then it is a marriage after dying!‎ That is so silly!

I didn't want to explain again, so I simply agreed with him.

 

Death and Life

Hans is not as much fascinated by God anymore, however that has been replaced by his fascination for Death...rather a fear of Death.

A few days ago, he was bawling while he got ready for bedtime. He kept saying that he didn't want to die and he didn't want anyone else to die as well. I let Hans cry. I believe it is therapeutic to ‎let it all out. Once he calmed down, he wondered if he would go to Heaven?! Of course, I assured him. Hans wanted a guarantee!! How can I be so sure that he would go to Heaven? How do I know? I had to admit that I didn't know for sure...

Then, he requested that he didn't want to be buried. He wanted to know his options. I mentioned cremation and he wasn't exactly sold on the idea. It was quite bizarre ‎that we were having this conversation just before bed time instead of reading a superhero book together. Finally, Hans drifted off to sleep.

If Hans ever brings up Death again, I would perhaps steer the conversation towards Life. As many wise people have already observed, Death is imminent; we cannot avoid it! We all die some time or the other. How nice! Now that we have that out of our way, I would really want both my boys to live Lives that are remembered.

On that note, I will continue to persevere ‎as well. Life is too short and there is a lot to be done. So what if some plans fall apart; there are others to consider. And I want my Life to be remembered! 

It is great how the boys remind me about what is important. In the process of trying to answer their questions, I find solutions to my own dilemmas. While I am chasing away their demons, I find my angels.

 

(L)earnings from 41 Years of Life

As I am approaching the year after the "big four oh", I feel like there is so much I still need to do on a personal level as well as on a Momley level!

Recently, I have been looking at Momley Moments as some sort of a virtual ‎head stone over my final resting place. This is where the boys can visit and reflect. Given that, I need to put more thought into my ramblings!

Couple of days ago, I woke up to read an email from my friend Y. She needs to leave the country to visit her grandfather who had a heart attack. It is one of those moments where I didn't know how to respond. Her family, 3 generations of people, were planning the 100th birthday celebration for this very grandfather over several weeks if not months. Now, it may never happen...

Such is life. We are here one day and gone the next. Plans fall apart and there are times I have fallen apart. However, I am fortunate to have family and friends who put me back together each and every time. Currently, another plan seems to be falling apart. I planned to be reemployed by the time I was 40; didn't happen! I was kind enough to give myself an year's extension. Now that I am so close to meeting my own renewed due date, it appears like things may not work out?!

When someone's life is about to end, a plan to be gainfully employed‎ seems so materialistic! But employment is important; I have found out in recent years. But I also remember my friend's, Smoggy's, words: any job, at the end of a day, is just a job. Smoggy is right. There will be other jobs to find! I guess the reason I can't find a job is because I don't want any job; I want a job that means something to me. I have waited so long that it doesn't make sense to compromise as the goal is near!

I guess I am quite fortunate (again) to have this time to dwell on my situation and to have the ability to choose. ‎If this were life or death, I guess I would have little choice...I would take the first available flight out!

So, what have I learned in the last 41 years that I can share with my children?

Life is measured by the choices we make when we actually have the ability to choose. ‎Some choices are made for us and some we make under duress. The choices we take the time to make are the ones that truly define us! So, I hope my children make the right choices in their lifetime and can look back on life with few regrets.

Right now, at this moment in time, I can.

 

Canada Day OR Any Day

We, the 4 of us and my brother's family of 3, headed to Ottawa for Canada Day festivities. Recently my honourary brother and his wife moved there‎, and it just felt right to throw in some quality family time. The bonus is that my friend KPF lives in Ottawa as well. It was a wonderful opportunity for ASid and Hans to meet KPF. Many years from now, when I am no more and the boys visit these pages, they will know who my friends are and what they have contributed to their Momley's Life.

Coming back to Canada Day, it was a rainy, windy and somewhat cold day. Some of our spirits were dampened and yet, we stepped out to watch the fireworks. We spent some time at the "most visited" Museum in Canada and enjoyed some beavertails. KPF joined us there and we were a merry party of 10. We lined up to look at the Magna Carta and then we all wandered off in groups of 2 and 3. It is always a pleasure to catch up with friends and it is always a treat to spend even a few minutes with KPF. He is genuinely a kind person and he let me blah blah blah blah about Post-Colonial Literature and Native Canadians (our First Nations' people) while we walked through the Museum. I don't think I paid any attention to the actual exhibits. KPF is my Ezra Pound and I am always eager to share all my knowledge and experiences with him; however, he needs to start editing my speaking as well as my writing! Not going to happen…he is too kind for his own good!

Anyway, while we were at the Museum, people started gathering just outside for the 10 pm fireworks. Eventually we parted ways with KPF who was off to support another friend; then we grabbed some dinner and joined the crowds for the fireworks. ‎The much anticipated fireworks lasted 15 minutes and were spectacular. We were cold, but were warmed by the brilliant display of colours, light and sound.

How far have we come since the Magna Carta and yet, no technology or scientific advancement can beat the time spent with family and friends. Canada Day or any day, it is a celebration when I have a few moments with the people who matter the most in my Life.


Note: When I talk about my friend being Ezra Pound, I mean it in the best possible sense. KPF stands by his friends no matter what and, he silently listens and supports. ‎I have always felt it easier to share my writing with him than anyone else. I guess I also wanted him to be an editor of sorts; quite the burden to place on a good friend! So, I call him my Ezra Pound - the man who was one of the bestest of friends and the greatest of editors!! That's what I mean...plain and simple!