Question/Concern of the Day!

This is what my 7 year old Hans asked me this morning:

Mom! If you eat too much granola bars, can you become thin?‎ Tell me!

It is quite scary‎. I didn't know how to respond; however, as an initial response, I just said NO!

For Hans, it is a question. For me, it is a concern. I am quite shocked at how so early in their little lives the kids are talking about being thin...scary part is that they are wondering about ways to get thin!

A few days ago, Hans refused to wear a coat to school. When I insisted, he started crying. He said that the last time‎ he wore it, some boy called him fat on the playground. I told him to ignore that boy and wear the coat!

I always thought that the issues around body image are more of a concern for girls than boys. It turns out I am wrong in my assumption. It is a concern for everyone.

 

Picture Days and Halloween Costumes

Both Picture Days and Halloween have one thing in common – dressing up! From experience, I found that if I allowed my kids to pick their clothes and costumes, they are happy kids.

Here is an experience that spanned a few years, from many years ago…

When ASid was 4, I convinced him to be a firefighter for Halloween. It didn’t need much convincing really! He loved the hat and the (plastic) axe. I loved the fact that it goes over his warm clothes and still is visible. It is counterproductive when you have a great costume and you have to cover it up with a warm jacket. In Canada or anywhere where it is cold, this is a point of consideration for some parents like myself or just for someone like me! Anyways, moving on with the story…ASid was a firefighter at 5 and at 6 as well. The costume was great and it still fit him perfectly. At 7, when Asid had to wear it for a fourth time, he decided to do something about it. He made a big hole in it. In this quiet protest was a loud message for his Momley!

I did learn from that lesson. Democracy prevailed since that day. It was actually very freeing and I applied it to other days like Picture Days. Let the boys wear what they want; keep the hair they have! What matters is that I have happy boys at the end of the day.

Recently, for Picture Day, I asked Hans if he is OK with the t-shirt he picked. Would he rather not be dressed fancy? His response without hesitation was, “I don’t want to be fancy. I want to be swaggy!” When I went to pick him up from school that day, I saw kids looking fabulous in their buttoned up shirts and pretty dresses. Hans looked like he does every day. Part of me wondered if I should have been more convincing?! Well, I got the pictures yesterday and there was one beaming little swaggy boy in each of the prints. Priceless!

Hans is the quintessential kid the marketing world targets. He wore a Lightning McQueen t-shirt for Picture Day in JK; Ninja Turtles in SK; LEGO Ninjago in Grade 1 and Avengers in Grade 2. In all the pictures, he has his t-shirts prominently displayed and his pictures could be used to promote any one of those movies, products or shows. However, Hans does not know the commercial nature of these pictures. He is happy wearing his favourite t-shirts and that’s all that matters.

For Halloween this year, Hans will be dressed up as Kid Flash. His costume may be covered up in a warm jacket and his little face by a mask. No one will know it is him or even who he is dressed up as; however, Hans will have a beaming little smile the whole time! No one will see that either, but it doesn’t matter!
 

Being Thankful

This Thanksgiving, I am thankful for the new Health and Physical Education curriculum that has been introduced in Ontario a few weeks ago. ‎This curriculum has been super controversial. I usually tend to stay away from such topics that could place me in confrontational situations. However, I need to acknowledge one thing for my own peace of mind and happiness.

One of the changes to the curriculum that has caused an uproar is the introduction of same sex/gender families in Grade 3. Some parents believe that it could force their children to become homosexual. As parents, we have our fears. I am not here to address those fears. I am just thankful that a child who is homosexual OR has 2 mommies or 2 daddies ‎at home feels included! No child should feel like an outsider.

Couple of years ago, we lost someone who made a decision to "stay in the closet". No names shall be mentioned, however that got me thinking...why does one not live life to its fullest‎?! I decided then and there that my boys shall not face such a fate. Since then, whenever there has been an opportunity, I let the boys know that I am OK if they are homosexual and I will love them the same...not an iota less or an iota more.

Couple of friends have commented that I am encouraging the boys to be homosexual. My simple answer is that we can encourage our children to live without fear and be who they are; we cannot force them to be who they are not‎! I truly believe in respecting differences and I hope my children are respectful of differences as well.

Couple of weeks ago, this topic came up again and ASid had something like this to say, "Mom! I am sorry to disappoint you! I am just a boring heterosexual!" ASid is 14. He also had to say this about a controversial piece of clothing that has our nation's attention these days, "That's what makes us Canadian! We can wear what we want. We are cool!".

‎On that note, Happy Thanksgiving Canada!

 

A Strange Follow-Up: Karmic Karma?!

Where do I begin?!

Perhaps, I shouldn't have been so unkind to a senior citizen in my last post?!

Yesterday, I walked by a house that's being constructed. The door opened and 2 people walked out - a man and a woman. I was walking with Hans, and so I ‎did the friendly thing and said hello to the duo. I congratulated them on their purchase and complimented them on the nice looking home they are building for themselves in our neighbourhood.

Then, I did the neighbourly thing and gushed about the schools and how good they are. I brought up Hans' school and asked if they had any children?! I saw the woman look at me strangely, and then the man said that she was his child!!

Oh no! I mistook a father-daughter to be husband-wife!! The woman looked so flabbergasted and all I could do was stare speechlessly as ‎they got into a car and drove away. It almost seemed like they couldn't get away from me fast enough!!

I did not even apologize. Where were my manners?!

On that note...Dear senior-citizen-at-the-movies, please forgive me for thinking you were lacking in manners. Perhaps you were speechless as well?! I would like to give you the benefit of the doubt.

And dear young-woman-at-the-house-being-constructed-in-our-neighbourhood, the chances of you stumbling across this blog are close to zero OR simply zero! However, I may actually run into you again...and when I do, I will surely apologize and hope you will forgive me for making you a mother and inquiring about your nonexistent children.

Hope this karma thing stops here. I have learned my lesson. Next time someone mistakes me for a grandma...‎I will let it go and not write a rambling post!

 

Going Going...GREY?!

I don't think I am a funny person. So the idea of writing something funny for my friend KPF every year for his birthday is almost out of character for me. But I will continue to do so and someday, I might actually get him to chuckle a bit!

Last time I saw KPF was on Canada Day and when I did, it was about 4 or 5 years from the previous last time. So, obviously, there were some changes. And I have no filter when it comes to friends...

‎I think I said something like, "You have grey hair!!"

This is from a woman whose hair has been going grey since her early Twenties! Compared to me, KPF looks fabulous. Happy 42nd my friend!! You are aging nicely.

I may not entirely believe in religion, but I do believe in the concept of Karma.

So, how did the grey hair remark come back to me?! I was at the movies with Craigley's sister-in-law (his brother's wife); both of us were hanging out with our 7 year Olds. An elderly lady sat herself beside us. She looked at Craigley's sister-in-law and said, "You have 2 lovely and well behaved children". I didn't mind not being acknowledged as my child's mother. I'd rather not be acknowledged than mistaken for the nanny! Then the most unexpected thing happened; this elderly lady looked at me and asked, "You must be the grandmother?"

I wished she had mistaken me for the nanny! I really wanted to say, "No, I am the nanny." But then I let her know that I am the mother of the lovely 7 year old boy. To my surprise, she did not even apologize! Talk about senior citizens and their manners!

Well, I am over it now. It is better to laugh it off than cry about it.

Craigley's sister-in-law is 7 or 8 years older than I am, however my hair is greyer than hers! So, that was it? The amount of grey in one's hair is still an indicator of one's age?... Maybe I am beginning to look like a grandmother?... Is it time to dye my hair and dab some makeup on?!...Perhaps the elderly lady's eyesight is not as good as it used to be?!

‎Wow! One remark can unleash such paranoia! I don't know how comedians do self-deprecating humour?! But it must be therapeutic in some way or people wouldn't indulge in it. Having said that, seriously, who cares?!

Have a good one KPF!

Note: Where is the token lesson in this post, you ask? Here it is: Forget about what strangers say or do; they don’t know you! And don’t forget to be kind to your friends…they will be with you through the black, blond, brown, red, blue, pink, purple and even grey!

 

First Day...again!

Summer flew by and it is already the first day of another school year. Always‎ a day of mixed emotions for me! I am handling it better with each year; fewer “water works” for sure!

I have 2 choice quotes from the boys that describe where they are in terms of their mental age.

ASid is 14 and has definitely shown the proverbial teenage attitude. Here is how he feels these days - I didn't choose to be born; you chose to have children!

Hans is 7; literally half his brother's age. His communication mainly revolves around "gases" and he can laugh uncontrollably if someone brings up "gases". Here is his most profound utterance - If I have some burps and farts, I ‎can eat some more...my tummy is too full now!

I am gonna miss my boys‎, but good to know that they are on their way.

Here is how I know. Following are a few words a parent sent me last night:

You know when I was talking to (ASid) the other day, I couldn’t help smiling during our conversation, because I felt so happy for you and for him as well. I felt happy for you, because (ASid) really impressed me in many ways…

This parent wanted ASid’s advice for her nephew who is starting Junior High this year. ASid actually took the time out to talk to this parent. She works at SickKids and she deals with the brain in particular…if ASid impressed her, then he is alright! And his brother must be alright too!

Note: I do not need an endorsement to know that my boys are OK; but it doesn’t hurt to receive one!

 

Unleashing Messy Boys on Unsuspecting Neat Girls!

I rarely complain about my boys to anyone. They are not perfect, but there isn't much to complain about. One of the few times I did, I was told that it is my fault!

It was perhaps 2 or 3 years ago, I was chatting with Hans' Art teacher. I think I was ‎trying to let her know why I hadn't invited her to my home for a cup of tea?! I told her how I have a messy home as I have 2 boys and their stuff is everywhere. To which, she did not bat an eyelid and spoke in a matter of fact tone that it was my fault that I did not teach them cleanliness!!

It was like a slap in my stay-at-home mom face. OK! Bit of a hyperbole there, but I tend to take anything related to my "momleying" very personally!‎ When I mentioned the conversation to my mom, she said in the same matter of fact tone that "truth hurts"! WOW! A second slap in my stay-at-home face! This one was more painful.

I looked at my figurative red face in a figurative mirror and realized that both the women did not say anything that is not true. I am so used to cleaning up after the boys that if I couldn't, the messiness increases exponentially!! I believe I told myself that "a messy home is a happy home" and the mantra worked for me for the most part. I only felt some feelings of embarrassment when I had adult company at my home. Otherwise, it is the most welcoming home to kids and teenagers alike.

Fast forwarding to now, I am tired of feeling embarrassed and ‎making excuses for the boys. Therefore, I got tough last week. Clean up or no more play dates!! It was/is a lot of work. I can actually see the floor in ASid's room. He appreciated the change. In fact, he exclaimed something like, "Momley, we only found dust bunnies in my room! Some of my friends actually eat and drink in their rooms! Their rooms must be even harder to clean!" Yes, that made me feel a bit better. I have a "no eat/drink in bedroom" policy. So I did something right. The fact that ASid could imagine a worse situation than he put himself in and reflect upon it is a good sign. However, it would be so much nicer if he can imagine a better situation than he was in, and strive for it…at least, he is on his way…he will get there! I have faith.

A very long time ago, my friend P and I were pregnant with our firstborns. I had a boy and she had a girl; they were 36 days apart. As a mother of a girl child, P's only concern was that the boy her daughter will eventually settle down with won't be a spoilt little brat‎! I hope not! On that note, I wouldn't want some girl in the future telling me that I have raised messy boys. Well, there is damage control underway.

I will not be guilty of unleashing messy boys on unsuspecting neat girls!