Ageless and Fearless

I have always advised the boys to be not afraid of competition.

I remember when ASid was in Grade 7 and I was gathering all the information for specialized high school programs. There were exactly 3 I was interested in and ASid narrowed it down to 2 for me. So 2 it was. After all, ASid was the one who was going to do the applications and entrance tests, and pursue one of the programs for 4 years of his life. As I was communicating and working with my own child, I also started sharing information with other parents of children in Grade 7. When ASid found out that some of the parents wanted their children to pursue the same 2 programs as him, he was very upset with me. He wanted to know why I would sabotage his chances of getting in?!

I was surprised at his outburst. But I firmly let him know that there are hundreds of kids who are competing for the same programs as him and a few more won't make any difference. He must learn to compete with himself and ignore the rest.

As of now, I am one week into my online course. Initially, I was a little overwhelmed by the recent graduates who are doing the course. I think I spoke with G the day I started as well as a couple of days later. I think my exact words to G were that I could be their mother! But if I simply looked at it from an age perspective, I am totally not giving myself the credit I deserve. I may not be twenty-something anymore, but I was there once. I have that and about 20 more years to bring to the table. I believe I ended the conversation with G saying that we, he and I, are in a good place. I am not sure if he needed that reassurance, but I sure did!

I am fiercely competitive myself and it was almost like I was throwing in the towel before even the match began! It is not like I am afraid of the recent grads. It is just that they have been working on assignments and submitting them for the last few months and I have not done that in a long while! I had to get over that nonsense quickly enough. I am glad I spoke with G of all the people I could speak with. He just has this general "toot your own horn" attitude; it took me a while to get used to such outspokenness. G has a serious business background and I can barely relate to that world. However, there is nothing wrong in giving oneself credit for one's own accomplishments - big or small!

On that note, I set forth with my online course.

As of now, I have completed 4 out of 12 assignments for my first Learning Block which is 2 weeks long. I believe I am doing quite well and keeping up with the young ones. In fact, I used content from a couple of blog posts for a couple of assignments. I went back in time to ASid's questioning of his Canadian identity as well as revisited the recent incident with the Grade 5 boy.

Do I want to go back to when I was twenty-something?! Nope. Been there and done that.

 

A Meta Moment

My favourite series these days is This is us. The series is in its second season now. I have cried during each and every episode at least once. In fact, if I don't cry in any of the future episodes, I am going to be hugely disappointed! The crying has become an expectation now. And the man responsible for this is Dan Fogelman.

Growing up, I never had pictures of anyone on any wall of any room I inhabited. It is not like I didn't watch movies and not like I didn't have favourite actors. It is not like I didn't listen to music and not like I didn't have favourite singers. I just didn't feel the need to declare allegiance in that way. In fact, I had words written and stuck on various surfaces like my desk and my door. That's what I did growing up!

ASid is like me. If it is up to him, the walls in his room would be bare. However, Hans has all sorts of superhero stuff on walls and on all sorts of surfaces in his room. To each his own!

Going back to Dan Fogelman, it is interesting how much I like his writing. Prior to a few months ago, I seemed to care mostly about the actors and the director; or at least, that was the extent of my knowledge about a movie or a series on TV. Now, I eagerly look through the credits to find out who the writer is. And I am quite delighted when I see Dan Fogelman's name.

It is not like I am finally going to hang a picture of someone on a wall in my home. I just want to meet this man and thank him for getting me through some days. Watching a movie written by him or watching This is us is like being in a therapy session where I feel lightened and unburdened by the experience without having to pay an exorbitant amount to someone for making me cry.

What I enjoy the most about Fogelman's writing is that it is about relationships. It is real. One day, I would want to write like that. Until then, I can watch his work in action and be inspired.

Sometimes the boys watch This is us with me. I am not sure what they get out of it, but they seem to enjoy the series. On the most recent episode (that I watched by myself), the 3 siblings in the series have a discussion about who their parents' favourite child was/is. At the end of the discussion, they conclude that it would be great if someone was recording their entire lives so they can go back and watch a video at a particular moment in their lives and know for sure!

As a parent, that episode got me thinking. Do I have a favourite child?! And the answer to that is a definitive NO!! I have favourite moments with each of the boys, but I cannot choose one of them over the other. It is like the other day when my mom was wondering if I care about her?! I do, but I do not call her as often as I used to before. There are days being a parent to the boys takes precedence over being a child to my parents. And there are days I am more Hans' mom than ASid's mom! The role I play or the person I choose to be with for a moment in time depends on whoever needs me the most at that point in time. Absolutely no favourites involved in this decision making!!

Boys, please don't ever waste any time discussing who my favourite child was/is!!

 

Noteworthy remarks: Apparently, there is such a thing as Meta-Moment. It is an emotional tool that helps people develop their emotional intelligence! However, when I used it as a title to this post, I just meant it as a moment about a moment!

 

Bambino and Smoggie

Bambino is my brother and he is, in my humble opinion, the best brother on this planet.

Smoggie is my best friend and he is, in my humble opinion again, THE best friend on this planet.

As much as they love me and indulge me, they are also always on the lookout for my best interests. Smoggie has already dealt with me on my obsession with an anonymous reader from a country many miles away. Today, Bambino decided it was time he stepped in as well.

What would I do without these two in my life?! I don’t know and I don’t want to find out!!

Here is what Smoggie said:

Maybe the Russian Secret Service are scoping out Momley, Craigley, ASid, and Hans as future agents in some rogue plot. From what I've read, ASid already has an "in" at the Premiere's office of Canada's highest GDP province, and Hans is looking for meaning in his Grade 4 life! You never know, like in the 1994 Arnold Schwarzenegger / Jamie Lee Curtis movie 'True Lies': Craigley, ASid, and Hans might already be agents and you're assuming they are just going to work/school each day!

Regarding the precision of page views a day after you post, it's not unlikely that once a web crawler or bot has found your page it uses an RSS feed to watch for updates.

Here is what Bambino said:

I did not want to give you my theory, but I cannot have you write about the mystery Russian reader anymore - it does not behoove the otherwise excellent and intelligent blog. And it does not provide me the details about the two people I care about dearly. SO I am giving you my theory - which I am sure is the reality.

Because of the precision with which the numbers strike, and also the location of the strike - I have a feeling that some key words in your blog are being sniffed by 'bots'.

I do not think there is a mystery reader or anyone that will come forward.

Bubble Buster Bambino

(The Triple Bee)

Here is what Momley has to say:

Dear Smoggie and Bambino!

I was having so much fun with my theory. Thank you for being so real and taking away my fantasy! That is sarcasm and not a real thank you! But seriously, I enjoyed reading your respective humorous takes on this mysterious reader. So, I was silly for a few days. And in return, I got great feedback from you two. At least, I know there are two people who care enough to read this blog on a regular basis and who also care about my mental health and my finite time. And that makes me very happy. Thank you. It is for real this time!

Love always,

Momley

 

Noteworthy remarks: It is amazing how Bambino and Smoggie almost have the same words toward the end of their respective notes to me. I really hope the boys will watch out for each other and have at least one friend who cares enough to give them a reality check once in a while!

At last, a little clue!

After my open letter to “Russian Reader 21”, everything went cold. However, I was hot on the trail!

Couple of days ago, a Russian reader dropped by unexpectedly and then I realized that s/he was simply directed to this blog via a Russian search engine. For some reason, a lot of Russians seem to be looking for "Forever Love" or some sort of fairy tale love. Imagine their surprise when they land on "The Forever Love" blog post where a Canadian mom is giving a sermon about love to her sons?!

I can't even imagine! They probably swear and leave!

Strangely enough, "The Forever Love" is probably my favourite post. There are many losses in life. Losing a loved one is the toughest. And losing someone in love is heartbreaking. I can neither predict nor protect the boys from future heartbreaks; however I wanted to leave a little advice for them. And so I did. And the Russians have made it the second highest "page viewed" blog post on Momley Moments!

And now I know why!! Hopefully, the wandering souls are able to actually find the information they are looking for. And hopefully, I will know the mystery behind the precision with 21 page views as well.

 

And maybe one day soon, I will stop obsessing and move on...

 

The serious "after chat"!

I made exactly 4 mental notes between 10 am and 10:30 pm yesterday. When the last of the teens left, I asked ASid if he wanted feedback then or at a later time. He chose to go with instant and timely constructive feedback. Good for him!

Mental Note #1: I let ASid know that it is his job as a host to meet and greet each one of his guests. It is also his responsibility to get their jackets and put them away, or at least, let his guests know where to put their jackets away.

Mental Note #2: ASid should not proclaim a totalitarian regime if he is not going to follow through with his threats. Actually ASid would have to ban himself for a couple of spills! The teens left their half-drunk drinks all over the place and ASid kept tripping on them. This is where I want to take several hundred Gods' names in vain! If a drink left on the floor accidentally spills over, it is most likely to do so again if it is not removed from there!!

The 10 teens are in a special program that is supposed to have some of the brightest brains in their age category! Intellectually, these kids are probably there (wherever that maybe), but they have a long way to some basic common sense! Maybe I am a tad harsh this morning, but I did have those kids including mine for a little over 12 hours...on that note...

Mental Note #3: Please stick with the time planned! I gave permission for 11 am to 7 pm. Somehow, it became 10 am to 10:30 pm! I am partially to blame as well.

Feeding teens is not an easy feat. One teen got through a 2 L bottle of Mountain Dew! They will demolish bags of chips and boxes of cookies. On top of that, they will consume hearty meals. The aforementioned are simply snacks in between meals.

Mental Note #4: ASid needs to budget for how much and for how long he is going to feed his friends when he invites them over. It is all part of the planning.

When I sat ASid down and explained to him the time and money that went into the day, he was actually shocked. He felt like he had failed miserably. But I assured him that he did not. As long as he is willing to listen to constructive feedback and learn from it, I am fine with him inviting his friends over and over again. However, I need to see improvements each time.

ASid is a great kid. He is generous and he is a good friend. He took the time to organize a gathering. He confessed that the communication part was the most challenging. His friends took their own sweet time getting back to him on most everything. He wasn't entirely sure of who was going to be there till the day before the gathering.

Given the crowd ASid had to work with, he did really well. He hosted an event where half the guests didn't want to leave. That is a good sign. A couple of them actually posted thank you notes for him in their group chat. The boy will be a fantastic host one day. These are merely first steps to getting there.

I could sleep well last night because ASid did not dismiss any of my constructive feedback. He actually acknowledged that there is room for improvement. Most importantly, he thanked his mother for supporting him through everything and putting up with him. The boy also thanked his younger brother for staying out of his way.

I think it was a wonderful day overall even with the massive cleanup we had to do after our "after chat"! At the end, it was all still worth all the trouble.

 

Power Outlets

This particular post is literally my LIVE documentation of ASid’s hosting of today’s “hangout” which is still in session.

Right now, I have 5 teenage boys (including ASid) in my living room. All of them are 16 years of age. Literally, the first thing they requested was for our Wi-Fi password and then, they all looked for power outlets for their multiple devices including laptops. We are still waiting on 5 more -  3 girls and 2 boys. Once they all arrive, ASid will order pizza and then, they will watch the movie.

So far, I have had ASid say the following gems:

"Spill that drink on the floor and you are banned forever from my home!"

"There is no democracy here. It is a totalitarian regime."

ASid has been super assertive and maybe a tad harsh. But maybe it is for the best?! They are his friends after all.

***

The first girl arrived. And predictably, a couple of minutes later, the doorbell rang and it was her mom checking in! This always happens when a girl comes over for the first time to our home. Parents typically want to make sure there is adult supervision. I assured the mom that I will be there the whole time and she should not worry. The mom left reassured.

The poor girl is alone amidst 5 boys who are in their own world. I had to remind ASid to get her jacket and he was like "Mom, can you get her jacket?! Thanks!!"

I had to make a mental note on this one for a serious chat with ASid for a later time.

***

Thank God the second girl arrived a few minutes later. This one told the boys off! She also got them to get their feet and their bags off the couch. Good for her! She also remarked on their antisocial behaviour.

Then, a few minutes later, the third and the last girl arrived. She actually had a short conversation with me and stated that we have a nice home.

Really?! Thank you!!

***

When the Pizza was delivered, I was calling for my teen child. Everyone heard me except him. It is interesting how that works out, eh?! Even when everyone tried to get the dude's attention, he was oblivious.

So much for the recently mentioned hosting skills! When ASid is in the middle of it all, he is lost in it all. It is kind of good and bad.

***

They finally watched the 2 hour movie. The other 9 teens had to read the subtitles as none of them know the language it was made in. I was impressed that they were willing to spend time watching a movie one of their friends recommended instead of doing something else interesting with a day off!

Maybe they all miss being at school together?! Unlikely!!

***

At this point in time, 5 hours later, half the teens have left the building. Apparently, half of them have already watched the movie and they chose to watch it again! A couple of them explained to me that it was just an excuse to get together!

So, they all miss being together.

It was cute how most of them, boys and girls alike, huddled on our couch while they watched the movie. There was a good sense of belonging, familiarity and safety.

***

Highlight of the day was:

A boy and a girl did some baking and brought some treats over. The boy's cookies were absolutely delicious and he took great pride in his baking.

How wonderful is that?!

***

I am glad that I let ASid host for no good reasons. I'd rather he is home than wandering around somewhere. I am alright even if all the power outlets in our home are taken over by a bunch of teenagers. It is all worth the time and effort.

 

The Hosting Inclination

The earliest memories I have include my parents inviting tons of people over to our home on a regular basis. It was the best training grounds for my brother and me in terms of hosting people. Even my friend Y, who has a Hospitality degree from Cornell, says that I didn't have to go to an Ivy League school to acquire the skill set to take care of people in a thoughtful and considerate manner. For sure, she is being overly generous with her words. However, if I do have such a skill set, I would credit my parents for it entirely and I am sure my brother would agree with me.

December was a crazy month. We hosted 2 parties in our home - one for friends and one for family. We also attended 3 parties - one by friends and two by family. Tomorrow, ASid is hosting a bunch of friends at our home. This is not his first time; however, this is the first time he is screening a special movie for his friends. He already made us watch it as a family. For some reason, this movie means more to ASid than all the movies he has watched in recent times. It is in one of his heritage languages - the paternal one he has been learning for the last 5-6 years. Obviously, there are English subtitles. When I watched the movie a few weeks ago, it was not only a shared experience with my child but it was also an opportunity to have a dialogue with him about his interests. Why did this movie touch his heart in a way that he wants to share it with all his near and dear ones?!

Tomorrow, he has close to 10 friends who will be at our home. I haven't met half of them ever before. They are all his high school friends. ASid's job is to literally be the best host possible in his age category and uphold his family's name. OK! I am kidding. His job is to make sure he is taking care of his friends when they are indulging him with their time and consideration. To that extent, we did a grocery run a few hours ago based on snack and non-alcoholic drink requests from his friends.

ASid is coming along quite nicely. In the last year and a bit, he has been mostly responsible for planning and organizing these "hangouts". I merely provide guidance. Most of his friends' parents have kids over if it is a birthday or if it involves doing school work as a group. Most parents, in general, tend to make intelligent choices! However, ASid has learnt to appreciate these opportunities to invite his friends over for no good reasons.

And I am glad I get an opportunity to pass along some skills I picked from the generation before mine to the next generation. But then again, ASid might just have a natural inclination for hosting!

An Aside: Since I mentioned my friend Y, she has a severe OCD about having people in her home. So, it usually works out that her family hangs out mostly at our home. And that is totally fine with me even though it bothers them once in a while. I don't believe as friends we need to keep track of who hosted whom how many times. Given that bent, I would want ASid to host without having any expectations of any reciprocation from any of his friends. We must do what we do because we want to do it and it makes us happy! Period!