The number six

As of now, I have 6 published feature articles, 6 functional teeth and a Fun Fair coming up on the 6th day of the 6th month of this year!

It is not really the number that has me preoccupied, it is everything else. Just trying to find some common thread between all the busy stuff in my life!

It is only a local magazine with a readership of 3000 households; however I feel like I have achieved a milestone of sorts with 6 feature articles under my belt. It has been a wonderful learning experience. The best part has been this one particular reader who doesn't receive the magazine and gets it specially delivered by her daughter. My mom has my one and only copy of each issue. I know for a certainty that she has actually read all 6 of them. My mom has been the toughest on me all through my life and she is also been the most proud of each and every feature I have written. For all that she has done for me, I am happy to reciprocate in a small way.

If there is pleasure in life, it needs to be balanced out with some pain.

So, here comes the sob story part of this post! Last week, I had the second part of my dental surgery done and it left me with 6 functional teeth tucked away in the right side corner of my mouth - 3 on the top and 3 on the bottom. Eating has been a miserable activity. This is one life lesson I will not forget too soon. Most likely, Hans will need braces and I already feel the pain he will feel. However, the pain will be Hans' and I hope I can adequately support the boy.

And that's mostly what I have been doing lately … supporting people. After hosting the Fun Fair twice with my then friend G, I had to take a backseat this time around. It is Hans' last year at his public school and I want to support all succession planning. It has been a frustrating couple of weeks. I got to learn that I am a better doer than an enabler. There have been days I wanted to tell the current Fun Fair team to step aside and let me do it! There has been a crazy amount of hand holding and spoon feeding. I am learning to breathe and let go.

The 6th day of the 6th month is not just the Fun Fair; it is also my dad's 69th birthday. I need to put that in perspective. This is a man who has always made me feel like a million bucks. So, on that day, I will enjoy the Fun Fair, thank the new team for a job well done and go celebrate my dad.

I will write 6 or more features in the future and I will have a fully functional mouth next week. The pleasure and the pain will continue their intertwined and complex appearances in my life. It will all be temporary each and every time.

"six six six is the number of the beast" are the lyrics from an Iron Maiden song my brother listened to all the time as a teen. Sometimes, we would equate that to my dad as he was born on the 6th of June, 1950. Not everyone will understand why! But the man is far from any such connotation. Life is actually a beast and it is wonderful to experience its inherent beauty through people like my dad.
 

2 days to 22 and the 11th!

Hans will be 11 on the 22nd! In September, he will be in middle school. Within the proverbial blink of an eye, he has become a "big boy"!

Hans is definitely at a better place in his life. Although he still does not quite have a friend at school, he has been engaged in various activities and been mostly positive.

What has he done since he turned 10?!

Hans was in House League Hockey for a third straight season. His confidence improved tremendously. He tried out for Select League and will be an alternate player next season. Craigley was concerned that the boy may be dejected by an offer to be an alternate player; however, Hans reacted with the following:

“Baby steps mom! And I am getting a jersey with my name on it!”

Ash 22 has arrived! 

Hans goes by Ash now. That's his chosen moniker for himself. Even Craigley has started using it.

What else has the boy done?!

He is completing his 7th year of Art lessons. He had this to say about Michaels the other day:

“I found my new Toys R Us!”

The boy is growing up in more ways than one. Recently, one of ASid's friends tried to enlighten the boy about the benefits of working hard. Hans casually brushed him off by saying that, “It’s OK! I am average!".

The boy is anything but average. He is acutely aware of the world around him. He knows his strengths and weaknesses. He is very accommodating of his loved ones. People take advantage of him and he is OK with that!

My brother remarked more than once that Hans reminds him of me. And I consider that a compliment to me!

For his birthday, Hans requested a dinner, a movie and a sleepover with Kay's son. Kay is my "new" friend from the paternal ancestral land. The boys had a fun time. Today, I am recovering from it all!

2 days from today, Hans will be 11. Can't wait to find out what he does this upcoming year! Meanwhile, my fond wish for Hans is to find a friend who will appreciate him and cherish him. Middle school is a crazy place and it would be wonderful to have a pal to help Hans navigate through it.
 

Momley's Blessings

Today, I went to grab a coffee and Hans tagged along. The lady who works there asked him what he did for his mother. Hans gave me a big hug and told the lady that he gave his mother hugs! There were a couple of mothers in the shop who exclaimed that those are the best! I let them all know that he is a good boy and they all exclaimed that that is even better than the best!

Last Thursday, I was up early to wake up ASid early as he was attending the Science Olympics at the University of Guelph and needed to be at school by 6:45 am. I was a little upset with him for running a little late. I think I actually proclaimed to him how I would be there 5 or 10 minutes early!

I try not to do that - compare myself to my kids; but I did it anyways.

I did not see ASid that evening as Hans had his Spring Concert at school that evening and it got delayed. We went out for dinner. ASid sent me a note that he was tired and he would like to skip dinner and go to bed! So, we didn't pick up ASid for dinner and then, I saw the boy next day morning. He told me that his team won second place in some category and he got a gift card to Chapters/Indigo. I was happy for him.

ASid gave the gift card to me and said that he wanted me to have it!

Today, my brother hosted brunch at his home for the 4 ladies in his life - his mother, his sister, his wife and his mother-in-law! Bambino tries to accommodate all of us. It is not an easy task. After the brunch, he was sick with a headache and an earache! I wasn't surprised. This is a man, although he will always be my baby brother, who puts everyone else ahead of himself. 

My brother is thoughtful beyond expectations.

Today is Mother's Day.

How do I count my blessings? I will start with Bambino, ASid and Hans … 
 

The Bulls in my Life

When I was a teenager, I discovered Linda Goodman's books. As much as I loved reading anything and everything, I became obsessed with Linda Goodman's subject matter. I tried to borrow or buy all the books she had written up until then!

After intense reading of each one of her books, some more than once, I came to the conclusion that I would settle down with a bull! A crab and a bull living together might not make much sense in the real world, but in an astrological universe, it is a match made in heaven!

I must have prayed with a pure heart because I ended up with 3 bulls in my life - my first love, my best friend and my husband.

I may have portrayed my first love, "Eternal Boy", in a not so positive light in some of my posts. Yes, he may not have been kind to me at one point in my life; however, we have become friends since then! This morning, I received a note from him. He pledged to bike 5000 kilometres to raise a certain amount of money for a particular country's Cancer Society. He set a goal of 1 year to finish biking that distance and he managed to complete it within 11 months! He also raised more funds than anticipated!

These days, I am trying to focus on the generosity and kindness of people. EB has taken the time, in the last few years, to remind me that I was a positive influence in his life and that he strives to include some of my traits into some of the things he does in his life. It does require courage to reach out to someone we scorned in the past and mend that relationship to move forward to a freedom that releases us from the shackles of the worst memories of our lives. EB has done that for the both of us. One day, I hope we can actually meet and celebrate the people we have become!

Then, there is my best friend Smoggie. In my book, he can do no wrong! He is constantly rescuing me from the demons in my head. I create worlds that don't exist and feel feelings that I shouldn't, and Smoggie is the quintessential Knight who will give up his life to save my life in any world! I remember a moment in the far past where both of us were at these ATM machines. We would go there all the time to withdraw cash. For the first time, I couldn't get the cash I requested. The balance was 32 cents. I went into panic mode wondering what the heck happened?! It was around the time I was buying my very first house and I guess a certain amount of money was withdrawn leaving me literally "house rich and cash poor" or something like that! Smoggie made me promise there and then that he would buy everything I needed until my next pay cheque. No, he was not lending me money; he was paying for everything for the next couple of weeks!

Then there is Craigley, the biggest villain in my life. He pursued me with a singular focus and got me to marry him. Recently, we celebrated 19 years of being together. I am, by far, his longest commitment. Like most married couples, we have been through ups and downs. To his credit, Craigley shows a bullish determination in keeping it together. For better or for worse, our paths crossed. We have 2 remarkable children together.

Now, when I look back on my teenage self, I have to admit that I was in love with Linda Goodman's portrayal of a bull. I wished so very earnestly to meet a bull and fall in love. I wasn't aware then that one must be careful of what one wishes for!

I am glad I did as I have been blessed thrice!

 

Strangers to Friends

Smoggie had an altered version of “why did the chicken cross the street?”  joke. His was something like “how does my friend (Momley) cross the street?” and the punch line was something like “she would hail a cab!” I may not remember Smoggie’s exact words, but that is the gist of it!

Since my supply teaching gig started auspiciously on January 17th, I have become my good old "Cab Queen" self again. Most mornings, I take a taxi to whichever school I am assigned to and then, at the end of the day, I take the leisurely TTC way.

I find that mornings are hectic and I do not want to be that yelling, screaming parent who is getting the children ready for school and getting herself ready for work, and she is already stressed out and exhausted before she gets there! So, I take it easy. We still have mornings with a calm Momley.

Just as I have gone back to a school a second or a third time or more. Now, I am seeing that with the cab drivers as well. 

This one guy drove me to a school a couple of weeks ago. We had an awesome exchange about privilege and helplessness that day. Last week, he was back 2 days in a row and I went to a different (first time) school those 2 consecutive days. He turned out to be the best part of both the days. I was at this middle school that left me sad and frightened. The first day was extremely painful. The second day, before I got back to this very same school, I had a calm conversation with this man. He told me that although he is driving a cab now, he aspires to own a bakery and he shared his plans with me. I told him that I would surely keep an eye out for the opening of his bakery, and definitely drop by. He also assured me that my supply teaching would get better with experience and confidence.

I wish to see him in his bakery the next time. He has a cool name for it and I will never forget it!

Today, I had another repeat cab dude! He remembered exactly where he dropped me off the first time. I apologized for perhaps talking too much that day for him to have retained that information. He earnestly assured me that I do not talk too much! He eloquently conveyed that I am a good communicator! We talked about kids and being parents. He had an unfortunate story to share about his one and only child. I was sympathetic. And he was happy for me when I shared about my 2 boys and how I have no regrets about staying home and taking care of them.

There are days I feel like I am an "old" teacher off to break some new ground. It is great when I can express my apprehensions and fears to perfect strangers in taxi cabs. How wonderful to start off my day by unloading any negativity and stepping out in the most positive way possible!

In the last few days, I feel like I am almost amongst friends. Isn't that how friendships start?! With perfect strangers!!

 

A tooth-ful story

When I was a foolish teen of about 14 or 15 years old, I most likely had a crush on this boy and perhaps it mattered to me what he thought about me. And he wasn't really nice to me, but I didn't know it then!

This is what the boy did one day. He held up a blank page and asked me what I saw. Obviously, I saw a blank page! Then, he put a dot on it and asked me the same question again. I told him that I saw a dot. After that brief questioning, he proceeded to let me know that I am the blank page and that dot was my teeth!

With that new found horrific knowledge, I ran off to seek my dad's assistance in getting rid of that "dot"! My dad was always doting, not dotting on me. He whisked me off to a dentist who declared that I needed to get rid of 4 teeth as there was too much crowding in my mouth and then, the solution was to have braces in to pull all the teeth together to make them look less "dotty"!

After that mouthful, let me continue on with this tooth-ful story.

A few months later, I met Eternal Boy (EB), and we soon became enchanted with each other. At that point in time, the braces became painful and I felt like EB loved me for me and I should ignore that hurtful other boy who now appeared to be superficial and not worth my attention. So, I got rid of the braces without seeing them through the recommended amount of time.

A few years later, EB got rid of me because I gained a few pounds! I already mentioned the 3 or 6 months of crying in another post. After that, I decided to not give that much importance to a guy! As luck should have it, Craigley came along. To his credit, he NEVER had any issues with my teeth or weight. In fact, he thought I was perfect in every way. He may disagree now, but that is another story for another day!

Since I have been married to Craigley, I never did the stereotypical housewife things they show in some movies - excessively indulge in myself via gyms, spas and luncheons. Like seriously, who does that? If you are down to one income, you become down to earth and dowdy! So, I let things fall apart. Given that, I do not get upset when people mistake me for Hans' grandma. From an outsider and uninformed perspective, it is quite possible.

Alright then, where is this story going?

Recently, I had to fill out a questionnaire before my dental surgery. The last question was about how happy I was with the appearance of my teeth. I answered honestly. Before the surgery, the dentist asked me the question in person since he didn't believe my answer. I told him that I was indeed happy with the appearance of my teeth. The reason I was willing to spend all that money on surgery was not to ensure my teeth looked spectacular; it was to ensure that they remained intact in my mouth!

As I age, things will begin to fall apart. Some consequences are due to negligence on my part. Some are a natural progression. I will never look the way I did when I was 16. Either I begin to accept my ageing and be happy in some sense with how it is progressing or go into miserable mode. I'd rather be happy with who I am and how I look. For sure, I need to take care of myself. However, I am not going to allow anyone else again to put a dot on a piece of paper and make that the only recognizable quality about me.

I could erase that dot or ignore it. It is my choice. And all puns aside, that is the truth!

 

Ache or Pain?!

Ache or pain
All the same
Laugh or cry
Then we die

I believe I called it "tooth pain" in one blog post and later on, realized that people usually call it "toothache". But what is the difference? There is not much; each is a kind of suffering.

So, I could cry about it. However, as always, I choose to laugh about it.

In the last few weeks, I have been to an endodontist, a dentist and a periodontist. Apparently, I have severe bone loss in my teeth and it needed “serious intervention”. I knew this was coming for a couple of years. I have actually seen my teeth move! The cost of 4 hours of dental surgery spread over 2 sessions of 2 hours each is insane. I am not going to say how much.

Part of the surgery involves bone grafting. I was told I could get animal or synthetic bone. As soon as Hans heard the bit of news, he was worried. He wanted to know if he could hug me before the animal bone got into me! I tried to calm him down. Later, he got to listen to a cool exchange between Craigley and my friend Y. Craigley felt a monkey bone would be great whereas Y opted for a shark bone. Both of them made it seem like I was going to get some special powers after the bone grafting. It put Hans' mind at ease. How cool is it to have a mom who could perhaps swing from trees or swim with sharks!

Today was my first 2 hour surgery. First thing I asked the doctor was about the animal bone. He had a good laugh. He said that it is a synthetic gel, not exactly a bone. When I told him that my 10 year old may be disappointed, he told me (after the surgery) to tell Hans that one of my 2 wisdom teeth had 3 roots instead of the usual 2! Small consolation, but might make the boy happy.

Today's surgery involved the right half of my mouth. Before the surgery, the doctor asked me what my favourite music was. I asked him to play his favourite music. If he is going to work 2 hours on my mouth and pull out 2 teeth and do some cool bone grafting, I wanted him to be happy with the music being played. His selection of songs was quite good - I especially enjoyed a Paul Simon song and a Billy Joel hit!

Today was the day my friends, Y and Kay, accompanied me to my first session; waited around and picked me up when it was done! Someone recently said that I have "phenomenal support". I do. My friends also took me to a quick visit with my mom who cooked some food for me to eat later!

All of the above made me realize how lucky I am. The 2 hour surgery became a fun expedition. I am sure I will feel the pain later, but right now I feel the joy inside of me. 

It is overwhelming and I am grateful.