The way I talk to people

Recently, I was at ASid’s place to help him with some plumbing issues. I called the plumbing services that I used in the past. In a not so strange coincidence, the guy who arrived was the same guy who did some work in my apartment a year ago. I was delighted to see him and reminisced about the last time I saw him.

When the guy had to step out to gather some tools, ASid commented that it came across as I was blatantly flirting with the guy. Needless to say, I was appalled. Why would I flirt with a plumber in front of my grown son? I was just letting the guy know that he was good at his job and that I was happy to see him again. I wondered if ASid would have jumped to the same conclusion if the plumber had been a woman?! Without skipping a beat, my son told me that it could be perceived as flirting by both a man and a woman, and everyone in between.

This was news to me.

As usual, I went into defensive mode. This is how I talk to people all the time. I like to focus on the positive things. I want people to know about how good they are and what a difference they make in this world, maybe mostly my world. And my world matters!

After the plumber came back, I barely said a word. After he left, I pointed that out to ASid, and he said that it would totally have been okay to comment on the guy’s work!

All of it got me thinking and it also got me a little paranoid. How many people in my life have thought or think that I was/am flirting with them?

It doesn’t matter. I am who I am. This is the way I talk. I know I am not flirting. People who know me know that! People who don’t know me are those people I see when an appliance breaks down or a drain gets clogged. They need to know I appreciate them. If they take it the wrong way, that’s their problem.

A Tissue and A Dream

This is what Hans told me as he walked into the Knowledge Test Room at the Drive Test Centre:

I am walking in with a tissue and a dream. 

He said that right after he gave me his phone and wallet! He also gave me a hug!

After a few minutes, he walked out with both the tissue and the dream intact, and a big smile on his sweet face!

Most of his friends already have their G1. Hans turned 16 on May 22, 2024, and he felt the weight of getting through G1, G2 and eventually G. His mother does not drive, and his brother is not interested in driving. The boy has been feeling the pressure from his father and maybe others in the family. I am glad he passed the test on his first attempt. He is on his way!

Screenamatic Memories

Hans and I are rewatching our personal favourites and going down our respective memory lanes.

It was ASid who suggested that Hans watch all 3 movies of Cars. ASid was 4-5 when the first Cars movie was released, and he was all over it! Between my mother, Bambino and us, we got ASid all the Cars toys from McDonald’s. Hans was 3 when Cars 2 was released, and he was all over it too. We went on another buying spree. We ended up with a whole bunch of Cars paraphernalia. In 2022, when we sold our home and moved, a lot of stuff was forgotten, unwanted or lost in transition.

We were trying to keep it together, whatever it was!

I ended up watching the end of Cars 2 with Hans. As the credits rolled, I saw Dan Fogelman’s name pop up. In a strange coincidence, I have been rewatching This Is Us, and bawling my eyes out.

How is it that Dan Fogelman has been responsible for some of the best cinematic/screenamatic memories my children and I have?

As nostalgia set in, Hans went to look for some Cars toys. He realized that he didn’t have any. Then, he wanted to go find out if he stored any of them at my parents’ home. We were there yesterday, and he couldn’t find them there either. When we moved, he didn’t think about saving his Cars toys. As that reality set in, the boy had this moment of despair. It was like he lost an important part of his childhood.

For a moment, I didn’t know how to console him.

I found the words eventually. I had just watched Season 2 Episode 14 of This Is Us. An entire house burns down, and the mother tells her children that it is just a house. Moments later, they lose their dad. It puts things in perspective. I told Hans that maybe we can buy some Cars stuff online. It won’t have the same significance or history, but that’s an option. It helped Hans feel a little better.

Right now, I am continuing to watch my favourite TV series of all time. The title of the episode is The Car. And once again, I was in tears at the end … and that’s when I felt like writing this post. The episode ended with the dad wanting his family to be ‘okay’. That’s the word he thinks of for how he wants his family to be, and it made so much sense. At this point in time, that’s what I want for Hans. I want him to be okay.

Forks and Napkins

For those who have watched all 3 seasons of The Bear, they would recognize the words Forks and Napkins and connect them to 2 episodes of the series. I watched ‘Forks’ with Hans, and we both enjoyed it as an episode of wonderful character development. I watched ‘Napkins’ by myself and totally related to it. There is this character who loses her job in her 40s and feels disheartened by the fact that she may no longer be relevant as people younger than her seem to be the ones who are in-charge of hiring, and she doesn’t have the necessary qualifications. It was heartbreaking, but it ends well.

I too started my career in my 40s and I too had my moments of doubt. My 1^st day of supply teaching was on January 17, 2019. It was in a DD (Development Disabilities or Developmentally Delayed) classroom. First day and I knew I found my calling. Ever since then I have wanted to be a Special Education teacher. However, even after 758 days of supply teaching, I am still “unemployed” in a manner of speaking. In 7 days, I will be 50 years old. And I know teachers who are in their 50s who are retiring soon.

I am spewing out numbers here and perhaps sounding a little bleak. That’s not the intent at all. I am more positive than I ever was in my entire existence.

I would have to work until I am 65 years old. And I am looking forward to it. That’s the connection I made to ‘Napkins’. It doesn’t matter what age you are when you find something that you enjoy doing - nothing else matters! That’s how I feel right now. I feel good.

Ash’s Acute Awareness

The other day, Craigley, Hans and I attended ASid’s convocation at UofT. ASid graduated with High Distinction. It was a wonderful day. Since Craigley and I don’t see each other daily, ‘family’ gatherings such as the one mentioned are opportunities to casually talk about the boys. 

Craigley was surprised that Hans was still dealing with the repercussions of selling our home and separating that happened on November 1, 2022. He felt that Hans should have gotten over it by now. I didn’t really want to argue, but I did remind him that Hans is a sensitive boy and he feels more than his dad does! 

Craigley has been trying to get Hans to meet his girlfriend and the boy is not ready for this meeting. I told Hans that it is okay to not like his ‘mother’s replacement’ even if she is the nicest person on the planet. To which Hans responded that his life was like a situational comedy he really liked and then, a character changed, and it wasn’t the same anymore! 

I guess he described it better than I did!

To emphasize his point, Hans shared how Craigley’s best friend’s wife would previously ask Hans about how his mother was doing; however, now she asks Craigley about how his girlfriend is doing and does not have anything to ask Hans! This is a change he has noticed, and it perhaps bothers him a bit.

I wasn’t entirely surprised at the acuity of his observations. I hope one day he is able to move forward despite the hurt.   

Note: Hans often refers to himself as Ash. So, today’s post pays homage to that moniker. 

Scratch an Itch?!

I have been itching to write for a few days now, but I haven’t found the perfect scratch to take care of that incessant itch.

There will never be a perfect time to write. However, I realized that I need to make the time to write. I have been so busy writing lesson plans, creating tests and providing descriptive feedback that I haven’t written for myself. As I am approaching the half century milestone in my life, the more I have become aware of all the things that I haven’t done.

Life does get in the way.

Today, on Victoria Day, I have decided to revisit all the times I was mistaken for an ‘old’ person. The first time that happened was when I was pregnant with Hans. It was December 2007. I was at the airport, and buying snacks, with my soon-to-be sister-in-law and ASid who was 6 at that time. The young lady at the counter thought I was there with my 2 children. I was 33 at the time and my sister-in-law was 29! The second time it happened was at a mall with Craigley’s sister-in-law who is 7 years older than me and of a different racial background than mine. What?! But it did. It was an older lady and maybe her eyesight was questionable. Still!!

After that, it doesn’t surprise me anymore!

Yet, as I approach 50, I do not feel ‘old’ in any way. I feel like I am starting out - feel young in some ways and wise in other ways. I guess I am just beginning to scratch the surface of what we call life.

And this moment in life has taught me that a metaphoric itch should be left alone. Scratching for the sake of scratching is a waste of time.

Doctors and Other Stuff

I will get to doctors later. First, let me share the other stuff.

I have been busy with work and doing additional courses. Work has been interesting, and the courses have been exhausting. I am learning a lot and growing as a professional. Work has taken me to 2 interesting neighbourhoods, both ‘high needs’ and both associated with distinct ethnicities. I have refrained from talking about my own family’s race, religion and/or ethnicity; so, I will not mention the makeup of the 2 neighbourhoods. However, I am saddened when all the stereotypes about a group of people somehow are magnified to a critical state of existence in our public schools. Are we endorsing this? And that’s what bothers me even more! Theory that I am learning is so glorified that the reality, the practice, can never catch up to the hype!

So, that’s the stuff I am dealing with these days.

Let me talk about the doctors now. My family doctor is a female physician from the same native country as yours truly. One of my lab results prompted her to prescribe Gardasil vaccine for me. I am not going to go into any details about this - suffice it to say that it is recommended for ages 9 to 45, and I am on my way to 50. Anyways, continuing the story, for some reason, my doctor does not administer vaccines. She recommended I visit her husband, who is also a physician, and who apparently administers vaccines. I am a good patient and I listen to my doctors. To cut a long story short, I found out that each dose of this vaccine (and there are 3 in total) is $200 and a bit. At the visit, for my 2^nd dose, the doctor commented that at my age I shouldn’t bother with the vaccine! I had so many questions for him, but I chose to remain silent!

I was inspired to write the above as I watched the movie ‘American Fiction’. No regrets!