How do I describe my family? Perhaps, it is easier to
narrate an incident that took place when my first born was 5 years old.
He came home from school quite distressed. I wanted him to
talk about what was bothering him. All he could say was, “I am not Canadian!”
and he started crying. I gave him a hug and let him know that he was born in
Canada and he is Canadian. That’s a fact. He wasn’t convinced. “But I don’t
look Canadian!”
All the stories I heard or read about kids who form their
identities based on physical appearances did not prepare me for the moment when
my own child would question his identity as a Canadian. My first reaction was a
mixture of anger and sorrow. Where is he getting this information from? Who is
filling his head with this nonsense? Of course, I asked him calmly about his
source(s). It turned out they were a few kids from his class! I assured him
that they were just kids and what do they know! Bad move … our conversation
abruptly ended in tears followed by silence.
I realized that I had just invalidated his concerns by
typically brushing it off as “kids’ stuff”. I decided to give us both a break
and revisit the issue at a later time.
A couple of days later, it was brought up at a dinner with
my in-laws. My mother-in-law launched into how her grandfather came to Canada
140 years ago and how that makes her grandson VERY Canadian. As usual, I was
less than pleased with her explanation. I proceeded to let my child know that
although his own mother’s family had been in Canada only 14 years (at that
point in time), they are also VERY Canadian!
There is the privilege of being born in Canada and there is
a conscious decision to become part of Canada … My family is a wonderful blend
of both. It does not matter if our families have been here for 14 or 140 years,
my mother-in-law and I get asked the same question often – “What part of the
world are you from?”
