Different ways of dealing with it!

Bullying has been there forever. I have seen my very own family deal with it differently. When my first born was 6 years old, he was bullied every recess for a few weeks by an 8 year old kid. I don’t know what material my child is cut from; he NEVER said he didn’t want to go to school! He kept going to school every day and then one day, he told us that he needed us to stop it for him. My first reaction was tears. My husband felt helpless as he couldn’t beat up that kid who tormented ours over a few weeks. My mom blamed me for NOT knowing about it sooner! My brother wanted to sue the school!! My dad wanted me to homeschool my son …

I remember my own childhood. I would usually ignore anyone who picked on me for whatever reason. I was one of the chubbier kids and usually, there would be some mean name calling. I seldom mentioned it to my parents and tended to ignore the mean kids. My brother, on the other hand, would tell our mom about every mean thing that happened to him on every single school day. My mom made mental notes of all the names mentioned and if she ever happened to come across any of their parents … she did NOT hesitate to give them a piece of her mind! Sometimes, she was mistaken for the principal of our school J

Shouldn’t I tell the parents of Chucky about his misdeeds? What is holding me back? Am I afraid of embarrassing them? Wouldn’t I be doing them a favour? Would they trust me? Am I doing the right thing by ignoring it?

I don’t know …

There is NO "The End" ...

This is a follow-up to Where is “The End”? post.

I have decided to call the 4-year Old boy, who talks quite violently and enjoys the “an eye for an eye” attitude, “Chucky” … if you know what I mean?! So here is another tale and perhaps I am to blame to a certain extent …

Chucky’s nanny was going away for the holidays and introduced me to her reliever. This reliever was a little bit worried about the walk from school! I assured her that I would walk with her on her first day and that way, she is not stressed out! Even as I assured her, I was a little concerned about my little fella and his classmate, Chucky. I had been avoiding walking with the kid and his nanny for a few days and hoped that the kid has chilled to some extent.

So I waited for the reliever nanny to collect Chucky and we set off on our walk from school. My son started picking up sticks, leaves and pine cones from the sidewalk. After about 10 minutes, his little hands were full and he looked quite happy with his collection. Chucky suddenly decided that he wants to look at the collection. My son refused and moved away. Chucky followed him and insisted on taking the collection from my son’s hands. At that point in time, I gently told Chucky that my son is not interested in showing his collection to him and he should let him be! Chucky is something else … He totally ignores me (again!); grabs everything that my son was holding and walks away triumphantly. Before I could react, my son started crying inconsolably and I reached out to him. I felt like I failed him as a mother in some unexplainable way. It was very sad. All I could say to him was that he could collect other sticks and leaves, and to ignore Chucky who was laughing at him for crying. It took so much restraint on my part to stop myself from grabbing my son’s collection from Chucky’s hands!!

That was the Thursday from last week. Friday was a PD day. On Monday, Chucky’s mother picked him up. On Tuesday, Chucky was not at school. Today, the reliever nanny was happy to see me and waved to me. I smiled back, however I decided to stay a while at school and let Chucky and his nanny have a 5 minute head start. In spite of that, as we got closer to home, I saw Chucky and his nanny who looked like they were waiting for us. Chucky kept calling out to my son and saying how he is always slow. My son did not say anything; however he moved away from Chucky and held my hand tightly. Chucky made his way to my son and started reminding him of how he took away all the things he collected and how he made him cry. Chucky actually started mock crying and then he told my son that it was all really funny! Through all his taunting and teasing, my son was very silent and totally ignored Chucky. We had to part ways at the end of a street and as we walked towards our home, I just felt a sense of pride well up inside me for my 4-year Old. He did NOT allow Chucky to get to him. He actually ignored Chucky.

I don’t know why I am writing about Chucky and his misdeeds. Since my child is involved? Perhaps as a reminder for myself that there will always be others like Chucky in my kids’ lives. There are kids who get a kick out of hurting other kids L It is sad when such a kid is only 4 years old.

Crushes? Crutches?

A few weeks ago, my oldest revealed to me that he has a secret crush! He followed that up immediately with “Don’t tell Dad! He will make fun of it!”. Of course, Craigley need not know about it. I can keep a secret about a secret crushJ. So it turns out it is this girl named C. I asked him if he spends a lot of time with C? It turns out that he actually spends a lot of time with S since they really understand each other and work well together. I wanted to tell him that perhaps he is confused about his crush, however he is 11 years old; really, this is NOT serious by any definition! After a couple of weeks, he actually confided in me that he has changed his mind and there is some other girl who is his crush. He did NOT reveal any names, however I was sure it was S! I was also mighty proud of him for realizing thatJ. A week later, he told me that this whole thing about secret crushes is really silly and he is over it. OK. Who am I to argue with that wonderful logic?

Last night, just before he went to bed, he asked me if I purchased the cans he needed to take to school for the Food Drive. I told him that I did not as there is still plenty of time to donate the cans. My son looked like he was ready to cry. I did not know if that was a good thing or just plain annoying. I know they have been talking about empathy at school; however this reaction was just too much! So, I asked him to calm down and explain the urgency. He started saying how S had been covering for him at school. Every time he forgot something, she had helped him by remembering it for him. Apparently, she requested him to NOT forget bringing in cans as soon as possible since they are competing with another class! He was almost ready to cry since he didn’t want to disappoint her again. It was my turn to almost cry. My boy is growing up … he cares about a girl’s feelings! Crush or not, that’s so sweet.

I immediately put together a few things from our kitchen. His smile, as always, was priceless.

Where is "The End"?

This is a follow-up to my last post.

A couple of days later, I was at my 4-year Old’s school to pick him up; his teacher informed me that the very same boy with an insistence for “an eye for an eye” justice pulled my son’s hair! He pulled it hard enough that ice had to be applied to my son’s scalp. According to the teacher, he cried a bit. A few minutes later, I got a text from the other boy’s mom that simply said, “My turn to say sorryL”!

Of course, this became sensational news at the dinner table. Both Craigley and my 11-year Old announced that the other boy is NO longer allowed in our home and that he should be avoided at all costs even at school. WHAT?? That is not a solution. How do 2 kids avoid each other during 8 years of public school life? I didn’t want to argue with 2 angry guys and agreed to steer away from the other boy as much as possible for the next few days. I also took the time to write an email to the teacher in which I elaborated on the other boy’s use of violent language and requested her to talk to both the boys about appropriate use of language.

When I mentioned the email to Craigley after the boys were off to bed, he was very disappointed in me. He actually called me a “Tattle Tale Mom”! He was like, “You told on a 4 year old kid to his teacher!” Technically, yes; but, NOT really. Don’t they say that it takes a whole village to raise the child? I am trying to help the other boy as well. Craigley’s stance was that we help our boy and the other set of parents will help their boy. And how are we helping our boy? Asking him to stay away from his classmate!

Parenting is like being in a debate club sometimes …

Bad Words

Last Thursday, I was told by my 4-year Old’s teacher that he grabbed a classmate’s hair. Apparently, the other boy grabbed my son’s toy and my son grabbed his hair! I was embarrassed and shocked at the display of such behavior. I mean, no one in our home grabs anyone’s hair … Obviously the weekend was spent in teaching the little fella right from wrong. I also sent a note of apology to the other boy’s mom who let me know that her son has complained about my son on another occasion a couple of weeks ago. I was a little perplexed … Where is this behavior coming from?

2 days ago, on Monday, I decided that it is a good idea for my son to walk home with this boy. Perhaps, they could make up? At least, that was my intention! As we walked home, I also took the opportunity to apologize to the boy and in return, he insisted on pulling my son’s hair. This boy tried to grab my son’s hair which was luckily under 2 hoodies. While he was attempting to demonstrate “an eye for an eye”, his nanny managed to stop him. I was relieved as I am little uncomfortable disciplining other people’s children’s behaviour. My reaction would be to pull my child away and walk away. Since the nanny intervened, we continued to walk together. I thought I will make small conversation to diffuse the situation. I asked the boy what he likes about school. I will never forget his words. He said, “I hate school. I want to take a gun and shoot everybody at school.” As I was reeling from this revelation, my son said, “Yes! I will take a gun to school too!” What? Where is this coming from? At that point in time, I actually told the other boy and my boy that they are not supposed to speak such language. The other boy ignored me and I decided to walk separately with my child.

As we walked, I talked to him about guns and how they are bad. For good measure, I also told him about how people with guns can go to prison. I was so scared that I didn’t even register that I am talking to a 4 year old! I kept repeating that he should not even utter some words since they are bad words. After a couple of minutes, my son asked me, “Like washroom words?” I nodded in agreement. I went from scared to sad when I looked at his face. He is so little. I let him know that guns should only be used by police officers to catch bad people. Good people don’t use guns and good people don’t say bad words. The rest of the walk home was quiet.

However, when we got home, my son asked me if he can say bad words when he is a grown up?

School Councils

Sometime in September, I signed up to be on my firstborn’s school council. What was I thinking? … I was thinking that I have some time with 2 kids at school and it is time to venture out there and do something to make a difference. A trial job before an actual job? However, it is more like a tiny part-time job that takes up a considerable amount of time!!

I have attended 2 meetings so far – one in October and one in November. The very first meeting made me feel quite insignificant and inadequate. I met dads and moms who are working full time and who work on the council raising money for our children’s school. Their efforts fund interesting programs that benefit all the children including my own.

I am now involved in fundraising and I have requested for a “primer” J I don’t know where to start! This lack of “training” on my part has also got me thinking about funding in general at schools. What if parents don’t have the time or initiative to work on school councils … What if parents don’t have funds to contribute to the fundraising efforts … What happens when there are such disparities between schools? I am sure I am not the first parent or person to ask these questions.

Note: Yesterday [November 11, 2012] was Remembrance Day and the boys and I watched the coverage on CBC. As I am writing today, I feel that the phrase we associate with Remembrance Day applies in all walks of life – Lest We Forget …

My Parents

It has only been 9 days since the last post, however it feels longer …

I was a bit busy with my parents’ 40^th anniversary celebration. It was a 2-day event. Celebrating my parents and their life together brought back memories. I wasn’t always the perfect child; however my parents have always been kind and generous with me. Of course, my mom does say some choice words to me once in a while and I believe that one should cleanse oneself of all negative feelings! It is cheap therapy J I will dedicate a post or 2 to my mom sometime in the near future. She is quite a fascinating person.

My dad, on the other hand, has never said anything negative to me till I became a mom. His grandchildren are the centre of his universe. As my dad’s daughter I could make mistakes and was forgiven umpteen times, however as the mother of my dad’s grandchildren, I am not allowed to make any mistakes! Parents!!

However, through all the ups and downs, my parents have been fantastic and I am very fortunate to be their daughter.

An aside: Dear boys, momley’s life is not this perfect and she is not always this positive and happy. You live with her, so you know! She just seems to pick really good days to blog about her life!!