Hands Full

Wow! Almost 2 months since my last post. Worked on another fundraiser; so much of my time and energy are going into events that eventually will have no meaning in my life!

So, back to what matters most …

I have decided to call my younger one Hans – homage to a certain character in a certain movie franchise and also, he is “hands full” J Hans is like most other 4 year old kids. He is very energetic; asks a lot of questions and makes a million observations. Recently, we were walking back home from his Art class and as we got closer to home, he let go of my hand and decided to run the last length by himself. Of course, I got into a bit of a panic mode as he darted onto the street. I ran after him and luckily, this very nice man stopped his SUV to let the little fella cross the street. I thanked him profusely and caught up with my child.

“Do you know what could have happened to you?”

“You mean I could die?”

I am never the one to argue logic.

“Yes! You could have died and Momley would have been very sad.”

“I would have missed my birthday?”

“Yes!”

“I NEVER want to miss my birthday. I don’t want to die FOREVER!”

“Then you should never run away from Momley like that.”

“OK.”

Fundraising ain't FUN at all!

I can’t believe I was singing such praises of School Councils just a few months ago! I was like this naïve, ignorant person who looked at everyone on the School Council as selfless parents who are only there to help every child at their school. I am sure some of them are there to contribute positively and make a difference, however some others are on a power trip. Staying at home and mostly dealing with children has kept me away from politics in general. I did not realize that becoming part of something as small as a school council would throw me smack dab in the middle of a political battlefield! A tad exaggerated? I don’t think so!

I should have known why the Grade 6 Committee had no members, but I did not … NOT then! Now when I look back, I clearly see the 2 parents of Grade 6 children who were at the first meeting I attended and who applauded me profusely when I became the Grade 6 Chair of the Grade 6 Committee … a ONE person committee! They did not join the committee. I should have thought about that, but I did not … Now I know. Apparently, the Grade 6 Chair has the delightful and attractive duty of fundraising as part of her responsibilities. I was told by the Vice-Chair of the School Council, “Those 2 parents … they will take care of the Grade 6 Graduation dinner. That way, you can give your full attention to fundraising.” She made it sound like she is doing me a favour and I bought it. I really felt very important. She also added, “The Grade 6 Chair is very powerful!” Such nonsense and I bought that as well. So, I will be busy fundraising and those 2 parents will be having fun spending that money and planning a nice dinner for our children. How nice!

I found out later that all these parents have been “friends” for several years. The School Council meetings are almost an excuse to get together and catch up (for some of them). I am the clueless new parent who just walked into the middle of it. As I started to get rid of the blindfold over my eyes and see clearly, I felt this intense urge to quit. Why do I need to waste my time? It is my child’s last year at his public school and then, I don’t need to be part of this school ever! Why bother?

Pause …

Is this the message I want to give my child? His momley quits at the first sign of a challenge! I couldn’t do that to him. I just couldn’t do it. I am not a quitter. With that self-declaration, I planned my first fundraiser. It was a good pitch and the School Council gave me a nod of approval. I was quite excited and then, it all fell apart! Even as I was devastated at the realization that my first attempt failed, I did not expect the very same people to look at me with disapproval … I wanted to quit again!

Pause …

Is this the message I want to give my child? His momley gives up when her first attempt fails! What sort of a message is that to send to a child? So, I accepted my failure and proceeded to plan another fundraiser. Somehow a parent found me. She is not on the School Council; however she wanted to help as it is her child’s last year at his school. Working with her, I realized that there are several parents who work quietly in the background and contribute their valuable time without seeking any recognition. I hope their children realize how lucky they are for such caring parents. That’s the kind of parent I’d like to be. This is my first and last stint on a school council.

So, how was the second attempt at a fundraiser? It was nothing like the first one!

Value of Anything

One of the changes I have decided to make in my blog posts is to give my 2 sons names that I can use instead of “first born”, “older son”, “younger one”, “little fella”, etc. So, my 11 year old will hence forth be known as ASid – he came up with it himself. It is a combination of his initials and a shortened form of the word “identity”. Works for me!

Currently, the bone of contention between ASid and me is whether or not he should have access to his own mobile phone. Today, he exclaimed rather frustratingly that he is perhaps a handful of his age group in the world without his own phone!! I had a one word question for him, “World?” He quickly changed the word to Ontario. “I am one of a few sixth graders in Ontario without a phone! How can I communicate with my friends?”

All this drama because I asked him to request his classmates to participate in a fundraiser at his school! The fundraiser is to benefit the Grade 6 classes at his school. All the funds raised will go towards the Grade 6 graduation dinner. I was just distressed at how little involvement was being demonstrated by the Grade 6 students. I figured I could recruit my own child to rally the troops. To his credit, ASid agreed to help me. He is usually a sweet child (and I would probably mortify him if I said that out loud anywhere else except within the confines of my Momley mind).

All I was asking him was about his communication with his classmates and friends. He mentioned that he had sent out an email a couple of days ago and nobody responded. I thought it was strange that he would email them when he sees them every day at school?! He had an answer to that; “Well! I can’t give your message face to face to each and every person in my classroom!” Alright kid, got that! (Although he could make an announcement!) Email is good. How come NOT one of his classmates responded? That is when he mentioned that no one emails anymore, everyone is into texting! How can he communicate effectively if he does not have a phone of his own?

He has wanted a phone for a while now and how nicely he made a case for it. I was almost proud … Then, I got into Momley mode. “Do you know how much a phone costs?” His reply is so generic that it pops out of mouths of several children around the world in several different languages, “I don’t know”. As simple as that!

Does my child really know the value of anything he has?

Recently, his younger brother was sick and missed school and a few other classes. I remarked casually how money is wasted when kids miss classes. ASid wanted to know how much money was being wasted. I thought that was a good opening for a discussion on money. I quickly estimated somewhere between 10-15 dollars for the swimming class his younger brother missed. All ASid could say was, “That’s it?” He looked at me like I was making a fuss over nothing.

The topmost item listed on ASid’s 2012 Christmas Wish List was “Independence” which had 2 sub items listed as – Phone and Allowance. Perhaps it’s time to give him what he is wishing for … When he turns 12 in August, he can get his allowance. The phone will have to wait till high school.

The value of anything needs to be appreciated first before being rewarded for nothing!

Wrapping up 2012!

I would like to recall a moment, spread over a few days, that was sweet and make it the essence of a year that’s gone by rather quickly …

I asked my little fella a few days before Christmas this question – what do you like more, Halloween or Christmas? His response was prompt. “Halloween! Because I get lots of candy and chocolate!” A few days after Christmas, I asked him the same question. This time he took a couple of minutes before he responded. “Christmas! Because I get presents. Halloween … I get junk!” J

It is all in the perspective folks. Have a happy new year. Hoping 2013 brings us all some lovely moments.

Different ways of dealing with it!

Bullying has been there forever. I have seen my very own family deal with it differently. When my first born was 6 years old, he was bullied every recess for a few weeks by an 8 year old kid. I don’t know what material my child is cut from; he NEVER said he didn’t want to go to school! He kept going to school every day and then one day, he told us that he needed us to stop it for him. My first reaction was tears. My husband felt helpless as he couldn’t beat up that kid who tormented ours over a few weeks. My mom blamed me for NOT knowing about it sooner! My brother wanted to sue the school!! My dad wanted me to homeschool my son …

I remember my own childhood. I would usually ignore anyone who picked on me for whatever reason. I was one of the chubbier kids and usually, there would be some mean name calling. I seldom mentioned it to my parents and tended to ignore the mean kids. My brother, on the other hand, would tell our mom about every mean thing that happened to him on every single school day. My mom made mental notes of all the names mentioned and if she ever happened to come across any of their parents … she did NOT hesitate to give them a piece of her mind! Sometimes, she was mistaken for the principal of our school J

Shouldn’t I tell the parents of Chucky about his misdeeds? What is holding me back? Am I afraid of embarrassing them? Wouldn’t I be doing them a favour? Would they trust me? Am I doing the right thing by ignoring it?

I don’t know …

There is NO "The End" ...

This is a follow-up to Where is “The End”? post.

I have decided to call the 4-year Old boy, who talks quite violently and enjoys the “an eye for an eye” attitude, “Chucky” … if you know what I mean?! So here is another tale and perhaps I am to blame to a certain extent …

Chucky’s nanny was going away for the holidays and introduced me to her reliever. This reliever was a little bit worried about the walk from school! I assured her that I would walk with her on her first day and that way, she is not stressed out! Even as I assured her, I was a little concerned about my little fella and his classmate, Chucky. I had been avoiding walking with the kid and his nanny for a few days and hoped that the kid has chilled to some extent.

So I waited for the reliever nanny to collect Chucky and we set off on our walk from school. My son started picking up sticks, leaves and pine cones from the sidewalk. After about 10 minutes, his little hands were full and he looked quite happy with his collection. Chucky suddenly decided that he wants to look at the collection. My son refused and moved away. Chucky followed him and insisted on taking the collection from my son’s hands. At that point in time, I gently told Chucky that my son is not interested in showing his collection to him and he should let him be! Chucky is something else … He totally ignores me (again!); grabs everything that my son was holding and walks away triumphantly. Before I could react, my son started crying inconsolably and I reached out to him. I felt like I failed him as a mother in some unexplainable way. It was very sad. All I could say to him was that he could collect other sticks and leaves, and to ignore Chucky who was laughing at him for crying. It took so much restraint on my part to stop myself from grabbing my son’s collection from Chucky’s hands!!

That was the Thursday from last week. Friday was a PD day. On Monday, Chucky’s mother picked him up. On Tuesday, Chucky was not at school. Today, the reliever nanny was happy to see me and waved to me. I smiled back, however I decided to stay a while at school and let Chucky and his nanny have a 5 minute head start. In spite of that, as we got closer to home, I saw Chucky and his nanny who looked like they were waiting for us. Chucky kept calling out to my son and saying how he is always slow. My son did not say anything; however he moved away from Chucky and held my hand tightly. Chucky made his way to my son and started reminding him of how he took away all the things he collected and how he made him cry. Chucky actually started mock crying and then he told my son that it was all really funny! Through all his taunting and teasing, my son was very silent and totally ignored Chucky. We had to part ways at the end of a street and as we walked towards our home, I just felt a sense of pride well up inside me for my 4-year Old. He did NOT allow Chucky to get to him. He actually ignored Chucky.

I don’t know why I am writing about Chucky and his misdeeds. Since my child is involved? Perhaps as a reminder for myself that there will always be others like Chucky in my kids’ lives. There are kids who get a kick out of hurting other kids L It is sad when such a kid is only 4 years old.

Crushes? Crutches?

A few weeks ago, my oldest revealed to me that he has a secret crush! He followed that up immediately with “Don’t tell Dad! He will make fun of it!”. Of course, Craigley need not know about it. I can keep a secret about a secret crushJ. So it turns out it is this girl named C. I asked him if he spends a lot of time with C? It turns out that he actually spends a lot of time with S since they really understand each other and work well together. I wanted to tell him that perhaps he is confused about his crush, however he is 11 years old; really, this is NOT serious by any definition! After a couple of weeks, he actually confided in me that he has changed his mind and there is some other girl who is his crush. He did NOT reveal any names, however I was sure it was S! I was also mighty proud of him for realizing thatJ. A week later, he told me that this whole thing about secret crushes is really silly and he is over it. OK. Who am I to argue with that wonderful logic?

Last night, just before he went to bed, he asked me if I purchased the cans he needed to take to school for the Food Drive. I told him that I did not as there is still plenty of time to donate the cans. My son looked like he was ready to cry. I did not know if that was a good thing or just plain annoying. I know they have been talking about empathy at school; however this reaction was just too much! So, I asked him to calm down and explain the urgency. He started saying how S had been covering for him at school. Every time he forgot something, she had helped him by remembering it for him. Apparently, she requested him to NOT forget bringing in cans as soon as possible since they are competing with another class! He was almost ready to cry since he didn’t want to disappoint her again. It was my turn to almost cry. My boy is growing up … he cares about a girl’s feelings! Crush or not, that’s so sweet.

I immediately put together a few things from our kitchen. His smile, as always, was priceless.