It's OK to be seen with your parents!

I believe I use this blog to vent sometimes. There is a strange sense of security that there is no one else reading my blog except for my 2 friends – KPF and Smoggy J I can be a little petulant and they will be forgiving! However, a part of me understands that once my words are released into “Cyber Space”…anyone can see them and can think anything of me! This fact does not bother me. I want my boys to realize that the freedom of expression invites friendly comments as well as judgmental notes, and sometimes harsh tones! All sorts of feedback should be welcome and there is always room for improvement.

Back to the topic at hand … there is some venting coming your way!

Last Monday, June 24, 2013 was ASid’s Graduation Day. There was a beautiful ceremony followed by a dinner and dance. If anyone has been reading my blog, s/he would know that ASid just completed Grade 6 and thereby his journey through Public School came to an end, and he is off to a Junior High School. And such a fuss was made of this milestone – lots of fundraising and lots of organizing with the money raised from the fundraising! There were only 4 parents involved in these gargantuan tasks – 2 of us in fundraising and 2 of them in spending the funds. 2 of us are coincidentally parents of boys and the other 2 had girls graduating this year. The unnecessary battle of views and words began when the 2 of us mentioned that we would be attending the dinner/dance. The 2 of them looked at us like we were insane and how dared we even thought of such an abomination?!

One of them brought up the oft repeated phrase – rite of passage! Wow! The other said something like her daughter wouldn’t want to see her there. Fair enough; however, I did not understand how much the 2 of them tried to dissuade the 2 of us from attending the dinner/dance. At one point in time, one of the 2 of us felt like there is something wrong with us. If we had been in a movie, it would be “Mean Girls: Grown Up!”. I mean, honestly, these kids are 11 and 12 years old; this is by no means a High School Graduation?! I just decided to ask ASid how he felt about having his mom attend his dinner/dance. I don’t remember the exact words. I will try to capture it from memory …

“You should attend the dinner and dance, Momley! You have worked so hard to raise all the funds and it would be great for you to share the moment with us as we enjoy our dinner and dance.”

“Are you sure? You won’t be embarrassed to have your Momley there?”

“What? Why? No! I am fine. Just don’t try to show your love in front of my friends!”

Whatever that meant! And that was it! So, the 2 of us attended the Graduation dinner/dance. Also present were the Principal and 5 teachers. There were 56 kids. They didn’t care who was there.

 

Brotherly "Clips"

A few weeks ago, Hans' teacher reported that he scratched a classmate. As usual, I felt responsible for the incident. I sent an apology email to the classmate's mother. She was gracious and worried that the scratch shouldn't leave a permanent scar as it heals. I got curious and the next day, I made it a point to see this scratch; it was indeed a little more than a scratch ... A bit deeper than a normal scratch! I felt rather sad ... It reminded me of a time when ASid scratched someone in Grade 3. At that time, the classmate happened to be a good friend as well. The scratch then had been very close to the eye and the parents were (rightfully) quite upset. ASid was apologetic and said that he hadn't meant to do it and it was an accident. His teacher advised us to make sure we clip his nails regularly! ASid was 8 then and responsible for clipping his own nails. Hans, at the time of the incident, was 4 ... That means we are responsible for making sure his nails are clipped! At the end of the day, it is the most basic preventative step for accidental scratching; and of course, letting my child know that scratching is NOT an appropriate behaviour helps as well!

Now, the only thing I never did/do for my boys was/is ... clip their nails! That was/is 100% Craigley's responsibility. So, I reminded him to clip Hans' nails more frequently than usual. Of course, we were on top of things for the first few weeks and lately, we kind of slacked off! Since last week, ASid has been complaining that Hans' nails need to be clipped. Their dad has been quite busy at work and relegated the task to the weekend. Unfortunately, he started feeling a little under the weather over the weekend and I completely forgot about the nail clipping chore!

On Sunday, ASid clipped Hans' nails for him – both finger and toe nails. He did it very patiently and gently. No one asked him to do it. It was a first and it was a pleasant surprise for me. ASid is 11 years old and it is probably an expectation for someone his age in other households or other parts of the world. In our home, it is not an expectation at all; hence, it is a big deal for me. Just watching ASid clip his little brother's nails was a beautiful sight to behold. The best part was when Hans exclaimed, "You are better than dad!" And he followed that with, "You are my best brother!".

A lovely Momley moment! Thank you boys for getting along some days J

 

Hands Full

Wow! Almost 2 months since my last post. Worked on another fundraiser; so much of my time and energy are going into events that eventually will have no meaning in my life!

So, back to what matters most …

I have decided to call my younger one Hans – homage to a certain character in a certain movie franchise and also, he is “hands full” J Hans is like most other 4 year old kids. He is very energetic; asks a lot of questions and makes a million observations. Recently, we were walking back home from his Art class and as we got closer to home, he let go of my hand and decided to run the last length by himself. Of course, I got into a bit of a panic mode as he darted onto the street. I ran after him and luckily, this very nice man stopped his SUV to let the little fella cross the street. I thanked him profusely and caught up with my child.

“Do you know what could have happened to you?”

“You mean I could die?”

I am never the one to argue logic.

“Yes! You could have died and Momley would have been very sad.”

“I would have missed my birthday?”

“Yes!”

“I NEVER want to miss my birthday. I don’t want to die FOREVER!”

“Then you should never run away from Momley like that.”

“OK.”

Fundraising ain't FUN at all!

I can’t believe I was singing such praises of School Councils just a few months ago! I was like this naïve, ignorant person who looked at everyone on the School Council as selfless parents who are only there to help every child at their school. I am sure some of them are there to contribute positively and make a difference, however some others are on a power trip. Staying at home and mostly dealing with children has kept me away from politics in general. I did not realize that becoming part of something as small as a school council would throw me smack dab in the middle of a political battlefield! A tad exaggerated? I don’t think so!

I should have known why the Grade 6 Committee had no members, but I did not … NOT then! Now when I look back, I clearly see the 2 parents of Grade 6 children who were at the first meeting I attended and who applauded me profusely when I became the Grade 6 Chair of the Grade 6 Committee … a ONE person committee! They did not join the committee. I should have thought about that, but I did not … Now I know. Apparently, the Grade 6 Chair has the delightful and attractive duty of fundraising as part of her responsibilities. I was told by the Vice-Chair of the School Council, “Those 2 parents … they will take care of the Grade 6 Graduation dinner. That way, you can give your full attention to fundraising.” She made it sound like she is doing me a favour and I bought it. I really felt very important. She also added, “The Grade 6 Chair is very powerful!” Such nonsense and I bought that as well. So, I will be busy fundraising and those 2 parents will be having fun spending that money and planning a nice dinner for our children. How nice!

I found out later that all these parents have been “friends” for several years. The School Council meetings are almost an excuse to get together and catch up (for some of them). I am the clueless new parent who just walked into the middle of it. As I started to get rid of the blindfold over my eyes and see clearly, I felt this intense urge to quit. Why do I need to waste my time? It is my child’s last year at his public school and then, I don’t need to be part of this school ever! Why bother?

Pause …

Is this the message I want to give my child? His momley quits at the first sign of a challenge! I couldn’t do that to him. I just couldn’t do it. I am not a quitter. With that self-declaration, I planned my first fundraiser. It was a good pitch and the School Council gave me a nod of approval. I was quite excited and then, it all fell apart! Even as I was devastated at the realization that my first attempt failed, I did not expect the very same people to look at me with disapproval … I wanted to quit again!

Pause …

Is this the message I want to give my child? His momley gives up when her first attempt fails! What sort of a message is that to send to a child? So, I accepted my failure and proceeded to plan another fundraiser. Somehow a parent found me. She is not on the School Council; however she wanted to help as it is her child’s last year at his school. Working with her, I realized that there are several parents who work quietly in the background and contribute their valuable time without seeking any recognition. I hope their children realize how lucky they are for such caring parents. That’s the kind of parent I’d like to be. This is my first and last stint on a school council.

So, how was the second attempt at a fundraiser? It was nothing like the first one!

Value of Anything

One of the changes I have decided to make in my blog posts is to give my 2 sons names that I can use instead of “first born”, “older son”, “younger one”, “little fella”, etc. So, my 11 year old will hence forth be known as ASid – he came up with it himself. It is a combination of his initials and a shortened form of the word “identity”. Works for me!

Currently, the bone of contention between ASid and me is whether or not he should have access to his own mobile phone. Today, he exclaimed rather frustratingly that he is perhaps a handful of his age group in the world without his own phone!! I had a one word question for him, “World?” He quickly changed the word to Ontario. “I am one of a few sixth graders in Ontario without a phone! How can I communicate with my friends?”

All this drama because I asked him to request his classmates to participate in a fundraiser at his school! The fundraiser is to benefit the Grade 6 classes at his school. All the funds raised will go towards the Grade 6 graduation dinner. I was just distressed at how little involvement was being demonstrated by the Grade 6 students. I figured I could recruit my own child to rally the troops. To his credit, ASid agreed to help me. He is usually a sweet child (and I would probably mortify him if I said that out loud anywhere else except within the confines of my Momley mind).

All I was asking him was about his communication with his classmates and friends. He mentioned that he had sent out an email a couple of days ago and nobody responded. I thought it was strange that he would email them when he sees them every day at school?! He had an answer to that; “Well! I can’t give your message face to face to each and every person in my classroom!” Alright kid, got that! (Although he could make an announcement!) Email is good. How come NOT one of his classmates responded? That is when he mentioned that no one emails anymore, everyone is into texting! How can he communicate effectively if he does not have a phone of his own?

He has wanted a phone for a while now and how nicely he made a case for it. I was almost proud … Then, I got into Momley mode. “Do you know how much a phone costs?” His reply is so generic that it pops out of mouths of several children around the world in several different languages, “I don’t know”. As simple as that!

Does my child really know the value of anything he has?

Recently, his younger brother was sick and missed school and a few other classes. I remarked casually how money is wasted when kids miss classes. ASid wanted to know how much money was being wasted. I thought that was a good opening for a discussion on money. I quickly estimated somewhere between 10-15 dollars for the swimming class his younger brother missed. All ASid could say was, “That’s it?” He looked at me like I was making a fuss over nothing.

The topmost item listed on ASid’s 2012 Christmas Wish List was “Independence” which had 2 sub items listed as – Phone and Allowance. Perhaps it’s time to give him what he is wishing for … When he turns 12 in August, he can get his allowance. The phone will have to wait till high school.

The value of anything needs to be appreciated first before being rewarded for nothing!

Wrapping up 2012!

I would like to recall a moment, spread over a few days, that was sweet and make it the essence of a year that’s gone by rather quickly …

I asked my little fella a few days before Christmas this question – what do you like more, Halloween or Christmas? His response was prompt. “Halloween! Because I get lots of candy and chocolate!” A few days after Christmas, I asked him the same question. This time he took a couple of minutes before he responded. “Christmas! Because I get presents. Halloween … I get junk!” J

It is all in the perspective folks. Have a happy new year. Hoping 2013 brings us all some lovely moments.

Different ways of dealing with it!

Bullying has been there forever. I have seen my very own family deal with it differently. When my first born was 6 years old, he was bullied every recess for a few weeks by an 8 year old kid. I don’t know what material my child is cut from; he NEVER said he didn’t want to go to school! He kept going to school every day and then one day, he told us that he needed us to stop it for him. My first reaction was tears. My husband felt helpless as he couldn’t beat up that kid who tormented ours over a few weeks. My mom blamed me for NOT knowing about it sooner! My brother wanted to sue the school!! My dad wanted me to homeschool my son …

I remember my own childhood. I would usually ignore anyone who picked on me for whatever reason. I was one of the chubbier kids and usually, there would be some mean name calling. I seldom mentioned it to my parents and tended to ignore the mean kids. My brother, on the other hand, would tell our mom about every mean thing that happened to him on every single school day. My mom made mental notes of all the names mentioned and if she ever happened to come across any of their parents … she did NOT hesitate to give them a piece of her mind! Sometimes, she was mistaken for the principal of our school J

Shouldn’t I tell the parents of Chucky about his misdeeds? What is holding me back? Am I afraid of embarrassing them? Wouldn’t I be doing them a favour? Would they trust me? Am I doing the right thing by ignoring it?

I don’t know …