Thanksgiving 2014

So much to be thankful for! The Reno wrapped up a few days ago. Yay! The boys are settling in quite nicely into their respective new school years. Craigley had a car accident on the 401, but he is not hurt! His car is toast; however it was time to buy a new car anyways! What can I say? No complaints.

A few somewhat random thoughts on this wonderful day...

Hans is a funny boy. The other day he kept following me around and trying to help me. I asked him if he wanted to be like Momley. His answer was not what I expected! He said that he wanted ‎to be like me so that he and his friend T could wear princess costumes! Although taken aback slightly, I assured him that he doesn't have to be a girl to try on princess costumes. At which point, he firmly stated that he did not want to be a girl! I did not discuss it further as Hans seemed to have ended our conversation on that firm note. A few days later, Craigley and I were talking about my friend A and how her husband is a year younger than her. Hans remembered that conversation and later declared that he didn't want to end up like A!! It was a rather strong statement. He went on to add that he wanted to be stronger and older than his wife!! Funny boy...he is only 6 and he has so much on his mind. I don’t know what to expect from this child of mine on a daily basis and I don’t know what the future holds for him?!

On a serious note, one of Hans' cousins does not want to be a girl anymore. She is now a He - a transgender male. The parents sent an informative email to all family members asking them to understand this transition in their child's life, and to support their child appropriately. The parents mostly expressed their relief that their child is finally happy.

I am so thankful we live‎ in country where we can be who we choose to be and not be alone. Thanks for family and friends, and their understanding as well as their support.

Happy Thanksgiving Canada! Have a good one!

 

One last time...

I wasn't sure when I wrote the "final update" on Chucky if that was indeed "The End"?! I am afraid it wasn't! Chucky somehow became a bigger issue than ever before. I guess the easiest way to deal with it would have been to sit with his parents, share some coffee and casually bring up my concerns about their child. However, in my typical style, I wrote an elaborate email!

What a mess! Chucky's mom showed up at my door and insisted that her son is very well behaved and no one has complained about him except for me. Seriously? She went on to insinuate that perhaps I am the problem?!‎ I should have been more firm with him. I got a little defensive and said that I have always aimed to make my home kid friendly and in fact, Chucky should have strived to keep the good will going instead of antagonizing me?! At this point in time, Chucky's mom took a look around my living area and suggested that that may be an issue as well!

Seriously? I was being told my home is perhaps too messy and I am too friendly, and that this may be encouraging Chucky to treat me like he treats me?! I had seen him with his first nanny, his "reliever" nanny and his most recent nanny, and he treats them with the utmost disrespect. ‎Is Chucky lumping me in with his nannies? The mom didn't have an answer.

For some reason, I took the opportunity to list a couple of incidences where her son behaved in a shocking manner. One of them involved Chucky screaming several times that one of his friends was touching his private area that starts with a P and ends with an S! Chucky had actually set up the situation so he could get a chance to scream that way! The mom was totally offended by my narration and proceeded to declare that I am making her son out to be manipulative...I guess any parent would have been upset and on the defensive! However, I was being honest and I was sharing my concerns about Chucky.

At that point in time, I wanted to take my email back and not deal with Chucky's mom. That was in May and even after 3 months, I feel awkward when I run into Chucky's parents at school or in the neighbourhood. It is really sad because now I feel like I am the bad guy! But then again, I'd like to believe that I did my duty as a fellow parent and brought to attention something of relevance and consequence to another parent's notice. How they deal with it is their choice. All the best to Chucky!

Next time, I will not put my concerns in an email. However, I hope there is no next time!

 

A Reno Story

Today is my friend KPF’s birthday and I would like to attempt another humourous post to tickle his Newfoundland funny bones! So, here goes…

‎We moved into our new home 3 years ago! At that point in time, it was already 40+ years old. It wasn't really new by any means and needed serious renovations. We didn't have extra cash and we didn't really care about appearances.

Our (this is precisely where Craigley would interject, if he could, to change "our" to "her" or make it so to reflect it as my choice!)  sole purpose in purchasing a home in our neighbourhood was so that the boys have access to better schools. So, we (or rather I) went over budget‎ and picked up something that made us the proverbial "house rich, cash poor" people! (If Craigley could step in again, he would say that it is not even a house! It is a “Town House” that comes with monthly maintenance fee which technically wouldn’t make us very rich…hmmm!) It didn't and still doesn't bother me as I truly believe the long term benefits far outweigh the short term pain.

Anyways, to continue on with the home reno story...

Our parquet floor started buckling last summer. I learned about it in Science a very long time ago - expansion and contraction. Our parquet was absorbing the moisture in the air during the warm months when air-conditioning is on and doing crazy things like literally popping out of the floor. So, we got a dehumidifier and I patched up the broken parquet with tape. Believe it or not, this was a better plan than placing chairs over the buckled areas like pylons. Our home looked like some amateur obstacle course. So, the taping down made it less chaotic.

Craigley wanted to get rid of the home, the mortgage, the impending reno and just move out. Perhaps that is where his frustration stems from?! To have a wife who puts him in a financially precarious position and refuses to budge!! Guilty as charged. There are days I want the boys to know that if their dad is upset with their Momley, there is a good reason.

Anyways, to continue on with the home reno story...

After almost a year of living with a patchwork floor, it was time to fix the problem. I just didn't realize how big an undertaking it is. I casually spoke with some parents at school while we waited around and got an abundance of advice.

...go for engineered wood; hardwood is overrated...

...hardwood is the way to go if you want to increase the value of your home...

...buy the wood and do it yourself; you will save a bundle...

...shop around and get as many quotes as possible...

...do it when the kids are at school...

...do it over summer holidays...

All good advice and a lot to think about!

Finally, we got down to it a week before "Back to School"! It was supposed to have finished within 5 days. It took 2 weeks and a day, and the workers left with a day's worth of work to complete the reno. They took off 6 days ago and have somewhat contacted us. I have communicated twice now. Our garage is filled with debris and our home continues to be a construction zone! I did the mistake of paying everything upfront; I have no leverage over the reno people! So, I wait; I have no choice!

This home reno story will one day have an end…till then, I hope, someone got a laugh out of it if not KPF. Happy birthday my friend!

 

13 Summers

When I held ASid in my arms 13 years ago, I told myself that I had 18 years with my baby boy! Recently, a mom mentioned a notion of "16 Summers"; she said that's how much time we have with each of our children! That was a bit depressing to know, but then it also makes the time I have left with them that much more precious.

Recently, on my first born's 13th birthday, I realized that that period may be even shorter than the one mentioned by that mom. I came to this conclusion when Craigley asked ASid about the best part of this summer; at first, ASid refused to respond and then, after a bit of coaxing, he spilled the beans!

ASid's top moment was the overnight trip he had at his best friend's cottage. His second top moment was spending time with some new friends he made over the summer. I am sure if he had listed a third top moment‎, it would have been the day when some of his school buddies came over for a day to our home. Momley wasn't mentioned at all!

At first, I felt a little unappreciated. After all, did I not make all those moments happen by communicating and arranging‎ with the parents of ASid's best friend and his other friends? It would have been nice if he had perhaps acknowledged with a simple "Thanks Momley for making those top moments happen!”; But then I feel like I am expecting my children to owe me something in return for everything I do for them?! And it ain't so. I am happy to telephone, email and text parents and arrange for my children to spend time with their friends. At the end of the day, when my children are happy...I am too, and that's my reward!

But I guess it is OK to feel a little underappreciated sometimes...as long as that feeling lasts a couple of minutes and I forget about it afterwards!‎ What I do remember and need to remember always is that ASid has been a wonderful child for 13 years and I am thankful for the 13 Summers I got with him!

 

Little Laughs!

The boys wanted a repeat of last summer! They wanted to enjoy "cheap" Tuesday Movie tickets; sleep in and sleep late; visits with friends and family; some lunches at their favourite restaurants; some days of nothingness...Last summer, the boys told me that it was the best time they had and so, they are reliving it this summer!

When they are home, I requested ASid to spend some time reading to his younger brother and getting him to practise some writing. Hans looks up to his older ‎brother (sometimes) and I thought ASid can make it more fun for him. So, what has ASid done so far...he taught Hans how to play Chess and is struggling to teach him to play Scrabble! Should I be upset? Nah!

How can I when ASid ends some days with sentences like below:

We had lots of fun; it's true. Thanks to you!

And Hans tries to copy him with sentences like below:

I will make tea for you when you are a hundred...will you be dead?

Imagine them reciting it like poetry and then, it's really funny! I am having the time of my life.

 

Sayings and Doings

What goes around comes around!

The other day, as I stepped out of my front door, I saw this man pacing back and forth in my neighbour's driveway. We live in a townhouse complex and everyone is really close to each other whether we like it or not! So, I said a polite "Hello" and wondered who he is. Apparently, he is my neighbours' nephew and spending a couple of weeks at their home‎. He wanted to know if I had any matches to spare and without thinking, I answered in the affirmative and indicated that we keep matches on hand to light birthday candles! I ran in and grabbed one of the two match boxes I had in my kitchen. What a good neighbourly thing to do!

That was also the day ASid invited 4 of his friends over to "hang out". I set up a table and chairs in the backyard so the boys could enjoy some sun and perhaps get some fresh air. The first thing one of the boys exclaimed was "Hey! There is someone in your backyard!" We had to explain to the kid that we have "open" backyards and only "half fences"! It allows for easy access to do lawn mowing and landscaping as we live in a condo townhouse where we pay a monthly maintenance fee! As the boys were absorbing this information, the "someone" turns out to be my neighbours' nephew! I waved at him and asked him if the matches worked; he nodded and proceeded to light a cigarette...

Imagine how I felt!

I immediately resolved to be not such a "good neighbour"‎! Why couldn't I have said a polite "NO"? Why oh why? When the boys asked me, I told them that I couldn't lie...

Honesty is the best policy!

Around the same time, we had new neighbours move in! They seem like nice people, however the husband parks the car outside of their garage and Craigley has been grumbling about it. Since we also have shared driveways, it is a little tricky to back out of our garage and get out when a car is partially blocking the way out!‎ I keep telling Craigley that it is not so bad as he has to deal with it just once a day! However, last weekend (the long weekend), we were in and out quite a bit! As we came back home on Saturday, Craigley remarked how our new neighbours' car was parked outside again!

As I got out of the car and opened Hans' door, he jumped out in his usual style. Immediately, he spotted our new neighbours ‎and ran towards them! I thought he was being friendly and then, I heard him say very loudly to them, "My dad thinks you should park your car in your garage!"

Imagine how I felt!

 

Happy Parents

My brother and his wife welcomed their baby boy just a day before Hans turned 6! A first for them as well as a first for my boys who were eagerly awaiting a cousin on their Momley's side of the family. There has been much joy at this arrival. There have also been moments of self-doubt as with all new parents.

My sister-in-law, the lovely new mom, has been most affected! She constantly worries that she is probably not being a good parent. She wonders when her son cries for a few minutes if she is not comforting him enough!‎ She asks me how I dealt with my own 2 boys. She believes I must have been quite good.

Actually, I was as much in self-doubt as she is now for the first few weeks‎ of ASid's life. I constantly questioned my competency. Perhaps all new parents feel that way; it is a learning phase. First time parenting becomes almost like a trial and error "experiment"; eventually, there are successful outcomes! Some parents get there sooner than others and it's OK; this is not a race!

I have personally witnessed a few new mom meltdowns. I know of new moms who have gone crazy staying home with a baby. They all felt guilty. Is it OK to be happy at the thought of going back to work once the maternity leave is up? Yes, absolutely! I believe that all of us parents need to do what makes us happy. At the end of a day, a happy parent is a good parent (regardless of all the errors we invariably make). But, then again, there is no such thing as a "happy parent"! We all do what we need to do and there are certainly unhappy moments.

When an adult can look back and say s/he had a happy childhood, ‎then his/her parents did a good job! I'd like to believe that they had happy parents :)

So, all new parents out there..."Don't worry; Be happy"...what a nice little song to hum through parenthood.