2 Boys versus 2 Girls

Children are exposed to a lot more these days than ever before. It is a crazy world we live in.

The other morning, Hans inquired about ASid's "sexy girlfriend"! It was a shocking moment as ASid does not have a girlfriend; at least not that we know of! And sexy? Where did he get that word from? Of course, from "Gangnam Style"; that song is still played and people still dance with gusto when it is played. The most popular lyric is "Hey sexy lady!" or perhaps it is popular because that's the only one in English?!

Well, certain things I can blame on others. Then, there are times I am completely responsible for exposing my children to other things that some may consider too early for exposure!

It started with an episode of "Glee"‎ that I had PVR'd and was watching while the boys were playing in the basement. I don't know when Hans joined me on the couch; that boy is like a ninja! I was so involved that I only realized Hans was beside me when I saw 2 male characters kissing onscreen and Hans exclaimed, "What?!". I told him that it is perfectly normal for 2 boys to kiss each other. He wanted to know if 2 boys can get married?! I answered in the affirmative. Hans ended up watching the rest of the episode with me. He didn't ask anymore questions.

Couple of days later, he said that he felt bad for the 2 boys who kissed each other. I was surprised to know that he was still fixated on it. I wondered why he felt bad. Hans said that they cannot have any children like when a boy and a girl get married. In a weird way of reassuring, I told him that a girl and a girl can get married too, and they won't have any children as well! Before I could broach adoption, Hans said that I was wrong. He said, "2 girls can have more children than 2 boys or a boy and a girl!" 

I just let it be. Sometimes, there is no need for a correction or an explanation. At least, he understands that girls produce children. He doesn't yet know about the role boys play in producing those children. He will learn soon enough. He can be a child for a few more days!

 

All Inclusive

Already a few days into 2015!

One of my "mom friends" suggested pulling Hans out of school for a week in February and taking him and her 5 year old to Disney World! It would be a mom and son week. I couldn't respond for a few seconds as such an idea had never crossed my mind in a very long time!

The 4 of us always go on trips together. The only exception is ASid's upcoming trip during March Break; it is a planned school trip! Other than that, it has been all inclusive all the time.

Long time ago, when ASid was 2, my mom suggested a trip to the "Mother Land" - just for ASid, my mom and‎ me. She thought it would be a wonderful opportunity to immerse her first grandchild in her language and culture. Craigley was super upset with the idea. He literally threatened to go away with ASid on another trip - just ASid and him! It was an unnecessary battle - very silly and childish (when I look back on it now). Since before that incident and since then, it has always been all inclusive!

However when I mentioned my mom friend‎'s idea to Craigley, he had a different reaction this time. He gave his blessings for the trip! But I don't want to go this time around. I have grown to enjoy the family trips and I know there are only a few left before ASid is off on his post-secondary journey. So, I am not off to Disney World next month. I am happy being in my very own castle in Toronto!

On that note, it is still January and it is not too late to say "Happy New Year"! May this year be the best yet!

 

Honest Feedback: A follow-up!

So ASid handed in his assignment and his teacher, Mr Ck, said, "Thank you", and that was it! Did the teacher get a chance to read ASid's reflection? If he does, what should he do? I would like to know in the New Year.

Meanwhile, ASid also wrote a few "Thank You" notes to some of his teachers. He wrote them in English, in French and ‎in the heritage language he is learning. He also wrote one for a neighbour who is generous to the boys. ASid was also very honest in his notes. I happened to read the first line of one note quite by accident and didn't really want to know the rest. He actually wrote something like "I was really disappointed in the teacher I had last year and I am glad I got you this year!" What is with this child of mine?!

Anyways, 2 of his teachers apparently appreciated his cards more than the gifts. Our neighbour also expressed delight at such a well written note! Must be something not so bad about honesty?!

 

Feedback: Raw vs Censored

Following is what ASid wrote for a “Reflection” assignment:

I believe as a group, we could have done a better job. Some problems were that our leader, C, did not participate at all and was instead fooling around with her friends, and if she came our way, she wasn't on task at all. If anything, C was an annoyance, disrupting our work, and making it difficult to work together as a unit. Another issue was one of our other group members, T, was slightly inactive during practising, and he often went to socialize, or even buy something from the cafeteria! My fellow members, H, and L highly contributed to our dance warm-up, providing valuable feedback, and criticism to our work. It was mainly L, H, and I who carried the burden of bringing the group together, and choreographing the entire dance, which was also cut off! It seems as if we were not allowed to perform our whole dance warm-up, which would've lasted for around 6-8 minutes, but we were cut down to only 2-4 minutes due to the lack of participation in our practising by our other two members, which hindered the possibility to do our entire dance as it would look bizarre for only 3/5 members to actually do the moves. Another reason that our dance was cut short was because for some reason, you (Mr Ck) said we had to stop our dance as you said that you have seen enough. I felt you gave us somewhat of an unfair marking, as like mentioned before, team members C and T did not participate or help, and since you didn't let us perform the whole dance, you did not evaluate us on the whole dance warm-up. I request for new groups, for future dances, as my current group greatly hinders the capabilities of H, L, and I.

There are days I wish I could express myself that way! Unfortunately, such honesty does not work. It could be construed as being bitter and comes across as ASid is a whining team player. So, I worked with ASid to come up with the following:

I believe as a group, we could have done a better job. Our biggest challenge was a lack of leadership.  Also, only 3 out of 5 team members actively contributed their time and effort to the dance warm-up.  I appreciate 2 of my fellow members who provided valuable feedback, and criticism to our work. It was the 3 of us who carried the burden of bringing the group together, and choreographing the entire dance, which was also cut off! It seems as if we were not allowed to perform our whole dance warm-up, which would've lasted for around 6-8 minutes, but we were cut down to only 2-4 minutes due to the lack of participation in our practising by our other two members, which hindered the possibility to do our entire dance as it would look bizarre for only 3 out of 5 members to actually do the moves. Also, we were asked to stop our dance half way and it also resulted in an unfair marking! As mentioned before, 2 team members did not participate or help, and since we were not allowed to perform the whole dance, we were not evaluated on the whole dance warm-up. I request for a new group, for future dances, as my current group greatly hinders the capabilities of some of us.

As much as I wanted ASid to hand in the reflection as is, I felt the need to teach him diplomacy. I wonder if his teacher, Mr Ck, would have accepted the minor accusation of him being unfair?! Why do they give team work and have it evaluated?! Adults struggle in the real world in team situations. Why burden kids with it?!

I wonder what will happen with this “Reflection” assignment. Stay tuned…

 

Second Best

The other day Hans said that I was the best mom in the whole wide world. Instead of graciously accepting the compliment, I proceeded to say something like this: “You know Hans…there is a kid somewhere out there who thinks that his or her mom is the best mom too!”

There was a momentary pause before Hans said: “It’s OK Momley…you can be the second best then!”

 

Journey? OR Destination?

It was barely a couple of months ago that ASid officially entered the halls of Teendom! That's supposed to be challenging enough for him; I have been there and somewhat remember that time. But I was a girl and he is a boy, and perhaps I don't know what he is actually going through?!

While he is going through this personal transition, there are other changes happening as well. There are choices he is being asked to make. Apparently, Grade 8 students can apply to specialized High School programs within the TDSB. ‎There is cutthroat competition for this handful of programs. 12 and 13 year old kids are being asked to write their personal profiles, list all activities they are involved in and write entrance tests!

Most parents, I am sure, would like to believe their kids can achieve anything...I am one of them. I have complete faith in my children; I believe they will achieve if they are interested. ASid is interested in these specialized programs as he has always been quite academic. So, I have been gathering information and getting my firstborn to fill out applications and do some introspection. Who is he and why should these programs be interested in him?

I have told him quite clearly that I will be fine if he does not get into any of these programs. As a parent, I got on board quite late. There are parents who have been grooming their children for months, if not years to prepare for these entrance tests. I have realistically set up expectations and support my child. To me, the journey is of utmost importance. By participating in the application process, my child can learn many skills. If he gets accepted into a program, it then becomes the proverbial cherry on the top!

At this point in time, ASid has gone through one application process. He is preparing for the next one. The date for the entrance test clashes with the date of Hans' first dance recital. Craigley and I need to divide and conquer. I asked him to take ASid while I took responsibility of Hans. All Craigley told our son was that he would only get involved if ASid was serious about the entrance test. For Craigley, the destination is important; one must prepare well to reach one's destination!

Poor ASid! Such mixed messages from his parents. But he is learning; he is learning that every person he meets in his lifetime will have different expectations of him. ASid will not meet all expectations...eventually he will start taking detours to get to his destination or take a different path and set a new destination. He has a choice and I hope I have made that abundantly clear to him. All the best kid. You are not alone.
 

When it rains, it pours!

I had been so full of self-doubt the last few months as I embarked on the journey to find a job. There were days I was tough on myself and there were days I felt sorry for myself. I found support in strangers and lost faith in loved ones. There was a bit of paranoia that people were judging me and perhaps pitying me?! Mostly, I didn't want to let down my boys.

I remember going for my one and only one interview. I was in a taxi on the way there. Usually, I walk or take the TTC. That day, I didn't want to arrive huffing and puffing to the interview. It worked out well that it wasn't too far from my home. As I got in, I couldn't help but let the taxi driver ‎know that I was going for a job interview. I shared with him about being a stay-at-home mom for over 12 years and how nervous I was about the interview! As I left the taxi, the driver remarked, "It is not the end of the world!” It was sweet and ironic at the same time as I say that to my boys almost always. I was grateful for the reminder that day.

‎And hopefully, I will never forget it. Today, as I am remembering that moment, I am also hoping the boys will never forget it. Sometimes, we lose perspective of what is important. Jobs will come and jobs will go. Time is not made that way. Right now, I have jobs scheduled here and there. I don't have a full-time job and yet, I am so busy. It does pour when it rains...and I will enjoy these blessings from the skies.