The Chucky who chuck chucks and doesn't seem to give up!

I really don't like talking about Chucky! That kid brings out the worst in me. He makes me feel terrible for writing about him and he is not even aware of it. And yet, I am writing about him. One day, I'd like to stop; however, it is definitely not today!

Monday, I was at Hans' school for pickup and his teacher pulled me aside to share that Hans had a bad day‎. It wasn't what I expected. She said that he bullied 2 boys from his class and made them cry! Before I could even say "what?"; Hans blurted out, "Chucky made me do it!" I was a bit shocked, but quickly recovered to give my youngest a sermon that went something like this:

You cannot blame anyone but yourself. You made the choice to bully those 2 boys. You made me very sad today.

Then, I apologized to Hans' teacher and we walked back home. All through the walk, I kept saying something like...

I can't believe you are my child. I am always nice to everyone, how can you be so mean to those boys?!

From what the teacher mentioned, there was no physical contact. It was more like Hans was taunting and teasing them for a few minutes to the point that the 2 boys ended up crying. Seriously?! When did this happen? Where was the teacher? So it happened at lunch recess where there is one lunch monitor for 99 or 100 kids!! No one noticed it till one of the boys started crying and all the other kids/witnesses pointed their fingers at Hans and declared that he was the bully who made it happen.

Not my Hans. Not my baby.

I was so upset. As soon as we got home, I asked Hans to write about his day; write about what he did and write an apology to those boys. I also told him that he would get an opportunity to read this in front of his class the next day. Hans didn't really like the idea, but he knew better than to protest.

I didn't really give Hans a chance to explain how it all came about or why he did what he did. ‎Hans and I, both of us have this habit of reflecting on our day just before we call it a day. It was then he said it again, "Chucky made me do it!!" This time I didn't get mad. I asked Hans to explain how Chucky can make him be mean to 2 boys?! Well, Chucky threatened to "Karate punch" Hans if he didn't do it. Hans was also afraid of "Karate kicks". This explanation frustrated me more than anything else. All I could say was:

Next time, take the punch!

I'd rather get a call from school that tells me that my child's nose is bleeding because Chucky punched him than have my child bully someone because he is afraid of Chucky punching him.

Maybe if Hans does say "Punch Me!" to Chucky, the latter will back off?! I don't know. Hans' class has only 16 students and they work in groups of 4. At the beginning of the month, Hans informed me that he can no longer ignore Chucky as the latter is in his new group. That was the prior advice I gave my child - Thou shall ignore Chucky.‎ So much for that!

When ASid was bullied, we decided to enroll him in a Karate class. ‎It was meant to build his confidence as well as instill focus and discipline. ASid didn't care for it very much. We could enroll Hans in Karate right now, but in this case it seems like we are giving him a gun instead of teaching him to dodge a bullet.

All I can do is to tell my child not to be afraid. Stand up to the bully! I am quite tired of writing the Chucky chronicles ‎and I'd like to stop as well.

Help.

 

Sharing Information

Last Friday, Hans accused me of talking bad stuff about his father, his brother and him. My first reaction was of denial. I do not talk badly about the 3 guys I live with; they are my closest family!

However, Hans burst into tears and ‎in between sobs provided supporting statements to his accusation. He has heard me talk to his grandma and his uncle on the phone; he has overheard conversations I have with my friends. Hans wanted me to stop talking bad stuff. I was utterly flabbergasted. Then, as usual, I got defensive!

I tell my mom *stuff* that happens with the boys so perhaps she could provide some guidance ‎to me. I share *stuff* with my brother so he is prepared when his own little guy gets to the ages that ASid and Hans have been through! And lastly, I talk to my friends about *stuff* since they are in the same boat as I am - they are fellow wives and mothers!

All Hans had to say to that was something like this, "How would you feel if I talk bad stuff about you at school?" ‎The kid did have a point! However, I really did not like the fact that he believes his Momley talks badly about him and his 2 guys! What would he think of this blog then? Would Hans look at it like I am broadcasting bad stuff about my family to the entire world?

It is true I did not ask permission from Hans or ASid or Craigley before I started sharing information about them. They have no knowledge of this blog. How would they feel when they eventually chance upon it? Perhaps I wouldn't be there to defend myself if they get upset; but, then again, I would also miss the adulation if any! Those are 2 extreme reactions and this is simply speculation.

I would like to‎ believe that Hans, ASid and Craigley perceive this blog as a testament to how much my world revolves around them. They inspire me to write. They are my favourite subjects. That goes for my brother, KPF, Smoggy and Sir B as well!

On that note, here is an anecdote.

Sir B had to say the following one day:

Moms have a different agenda with their kids and I certainly don't want to end up on your blog as the uncle that didn't take proper care of her child?!

The above was part of a communication between Sir B and me. I think we were texting about where ASid should have dinner - at home or with Sir B? For obvious reasons, Sir B’s note stayed with me long after the conversation ended. I am sure Sir B said it in jest; however, I would really not want anyone I love and care about to think that I post bad stuff about them! I would never do that knowingly and if I ever did that unknowingly, I hope I get flagged.

Sorry and thank you.

 

Electronic Devices and Self-control

It may seem like I am always writing about the 7 year old and perhaps forgotten about the 14 year old?! It is just that the younger one talks a lot and the older one only emerges from his self-imposed solitary confinement for breakfast, lunch, dinner and an occasional snack. So, one provides me with material I could write about whereas the other is most often reading material posted by other people on Facebook or Google chat!

This post, however, is about the elusive teen. It is about his addiction to electronic devices and an evident lack of self-control.‎ ASid can sit in front of the desktop for at least 6 hours and continuously play Minecraft online with his friends. I know this for a fact! One day, I actually let him play without any interruptions, about lunch or dinner, from his Momley, and timed him. After 6 hours, I kinda lost it and ended up interrupting and getting ASid to call it a day! Also, on occasion, Craigley has found ASid up and about way after everyone else has gone to sleep.

Our initial solution was to take away all devices and give them to ASid on a "per need" basis. He could have his phone at school; however when he is home‎, his phone is to be left on the coffee table! It was a good arrangement and a success. So, after a few weeks, we decided to let ASid have his devices back. To our dismay, he fell back into the same old pattern!

Craigley felt like ASid should lose complete access to his devices for a whole week or maybe even a month. Such a consequence would allow him to better reflect on his actions! I always feel Craigley is too harsh. And I am sure if Craigley was writing this blog, he would write that I let our kids walk all over me! Maybe I do and maybe I am more reasonable than Craigley. So, I requested Craigley if we could go back to the same arrangement as before?!

Craigley rightfully felt that by having us control the devices, we are not allowing ASid to develop self-control. So, he did a 180 and gave all devices back to ASid and let him know that we will be watching to see how he exercises his self-control. If ASid demonstrates a general lack of self-control, then he should be prepared to hand over everything to his parents!

So, how is it going? Not so bad! There are days he needs gentle reminders about the bleak future he can expect if he doesn't pay attention to how much time he is online or on his phone. It is amazing how he loses track of time. But then I remember, as a teen,  how much I could chat with my friends on the phone talking absolute nonsense and how my mom caught me reading books by the night light! Even when I knew I could be punished, I would pull out a book from under my pillow and try to read it in the middle of the night‎! Now a days, teens can even silently chat in the middle of the night without waking anyone up! 2 different time periods, but the actions are still comparable. Like one clever Canadian once said, the medium has changed but the message is the same?! Or something like that!!

I hope ASid exercises his self-control or he has to‎ face the wrath of Craigley one of these days! As much as I would like to protect ASid from such dire consequences, I sometimes feel like I should let him make his mistakes. One of these days, I will let him learn from his mistakes. Till then, I will hope and pray that he has better sense and does not make any mistakes!

 

Mad Luck

Hans is ridiculously messy at the kitchen table. Actually, we never had a kitchen table until recently. Prior to that, all meals were at the dining table. When we got the floor done a year and a few months ago, I couldn't imagine it getting destroyed by food droppings! So, I got a kitchen table. Now, all our meals are eaten in the kitchen. The dining table is reserved for guests and special occasions.

‎Today, as Hans dropped some chicken on the kitchen floor, I remarked in exasperation: "You are so lucky you don't get the mad Dad or the mad Mom!" Poor ASid! We were always mad at him when he dropped food on the floor or spilled some drink at a meal!

I still remember the look on little ASid's face as he waited for his Mom to do an emotional monologue about how she has to clean up after him every day! OR he waited for his Dad to lecture him about how he never had his own Mom clean up after him! ASid was lucky to have a Mom who does that for him and then Craigley would proceed to lecture me on how I must let ASid clean up his messes so he learns to not create those messes in the first place.

I think we went through that phase through JK; ASid's 4th year on this planet. Then, I stopped getting upset. I started looking at messes made by ASid as opportunities to clean up! Why get mad, get mopping!

Talking to Hans brought back those memories. So, I reiterated that he is lucky to not get those mad parents. Hans looked at me and remarked, "But I get the mad ASid!"

‎Hans has to have the final word.‎ However, he is right. ASid is like a "mini me" on occasion and sometimes, he is like a mini Craigley! Craigley, at times, wonders if he really sounds like that when ASid takes it upon himself to give a lecture to Hans.

So, the cycle of madness continues. There are times parents see a reflection of themselves in their children and their behaviour. What I see reflected in my children is not so bad. I have taken a step back and tried to be a better parent. I am hoping they do the same and are better than their parents!

 

I'd rather die...

Yesterday, a second note came home from Hans' teacher indicating that a classmate has been found with lice and that parents should check their respective children's hair! To be honest, I didn't pay much attention to the first note; however, this is the second note and I got concerned. I talked about it with Hans and let him know that I will be checking his hair thoroughly to make sure he doesn't have any lice! Hans was dismayed. He thought mosquitoes are the only creatures to bite him and make his life miserable‎; now, there are more?! He solemnly declared that he'd rather live on Earth 2. Hans recently discovered “Earth 2” on a TV series, “The Flash”! I told him that we do not have all details on “Earth 2” to know for sure if mosquitoes and lice exist there. Hans started thinking and I thought that was the end of that!

It is never ‎really the end with Hans. Conversations get picked up several days later; in this case, mere hours later! Hans declared before bedtime that he'd rather die and go to Heaven than live like this on Earth! Hans felt that in Heaven he will not be bugged by bugs. I told him that Heaven is a concept. He was like what? So, I let him know that Heaven may or may not exist depending on whom he asks. Some might say that he has to lead the best life possible if he wants to go to Heaven. Otherwise, there is the possibility of Hell. Hans was like what? Did he just hear his Momley say Hell?!

Yes I did and then I felt bad. I told Hans to enjoy his Life and not worry about little bugs. I also told him that Heaven and Hell are on Earth. They are like rewards and punishments.

Hans just looked at me and said something like this:

OK! I won't die! I just wish I get electrocuted!

It is great when a kid doesn't give up on his escape plans from bugs.

Note: Only imagination ran amok; no kid was harmed in the above narrative!

 

NOT even for FUN!

I am sure that I mentioned this in September - Chucky and Hans are in the same class after a year's break. Hans felt from the first day back at school that Chucky hasn't changed much! I felt that it was rather unfortunate.

A few weeks from now is Chucky's b'day party. Hans has been invited along with 18 other kids from their school‎. Hans right away declined. He said that he wouldn't want to attend a mean kid's party. I tried to convince him that there will be other kids there and it will be a lot of fun. Hans said that he cannot be a part of that fun. He insisted that I let Chucky's parents know he can't be there!

Chucky's parents are nice people and this was perhaps their way of extending the proverbial olive branch to us. Too bad I couldn't meet them half way. Hans has become somewhat of an advocate against bullying. He has reported to me a few sightings of a few kids being "tortured" by their friends/classmates. The one that disturbed Hans the most has been of one 5 year old boy forcing another 5 year old boy to admit that the latter is not Canadian! It brought back a memory from when ASid was 5 years old. Where are kindergartners gettting this info from? It is disheartening and a bit frightening.

Hans hopes that by sharing this information with me I can somehow help these kids. I do what I can do; I have talked with a couple of parents‎ about Hans' concern for their children's well being. However, I have also asked them to verify with their own children before/if they decide to take action. Most parents let it go when it involves 4 or 5 year old kids. They ask their kids to be tough or walk away. It is tough for kids to walk away!

I am glad that Hans was able to express his feelings and I respect them. Although it is ‎awkward to run into Chucky's parents and try to come up with legitimate excuses to not have a play date or to not attend a b'day party, standing by my child is worth it.
 

So, why did you?

Yesterday, Thursday, Hans spent a good few minutes watching an episode of some superhero ‎on the computer with Craigley. It could have lasted a good several minutes if I hadn't reminded them that it was almost Hans' bedtime. Some evenings, Craigley breaks his own rules! The boys are not supposed to watch TV or play games on the computer or any other device Monday to Thursday. Well, as long as everyone involved is happy, I usually don't complain.

As Hans said goodnight to Craigley, he asked his Dad for the umpteenth time, "who is your favourite superhero?” Craigley refused to respond and asked Hans to get ready for bed. Hans insisted and Craigley told him that they can talk about it next day morning. Hans was not happy with that response. As he came up the stairs, he complained to me that it only takes a couple of seconds to name a favourite superhero; then, why would his Dad make him wait a whole night?

I could have just let things be, but I understood his anguish and commented that Craigley is weird that way. Immediately, Hans questioned, "Why did you marry him then?" For some reason, I decided to be ambiguous and simply stated that people marry people for many different reasons. But Hans refused to give up; he wanted to know why I married a weird guy?!

So I told him that I wanted to have ASid and Hans‎ and the only way to get them was to marry Craigley. I was so proud of my answer till Hans said something like the following:

You could have married someone better and you could have had better versions of us!

Whoa kid!! Seriously?! He is this mad at his Dad for not answering one question!! I could have not responded to his outburst, but I did. I let Hans know that I wanted the exact versions of ASid and Hans as I have them now. I love the versions that Craigley helped me make! That seemed to put an end to our conversation.

‎Then, I heard something like this from the washroom:

You didn't know you were going to have us when you married him! So, why did you?

This ‎kid is too much! Should I even be indulging him in this conversation?! But I do learn a lot about my kids when they have these "moments". Should I continue when he is obviously questioning my marriage to his father?!

What a moral dilemma! So, I did a Craigley on him and asked him to ‎go to bed.

An Aside:

3 days ago, on a Tuesday, Craigley asked Hans to quit being a big clown and focus on practising his piano. To which, Hans responded that he no longer considers Craigley his Dad! Hans was super serious. He chose to walk to his piano lesson in the cold than take a ride from Craigley that day. I had to step in and play mediator. Both the father and son apologized to each other for hurting each other’s feelings, and all ended well.

There are days I am bewildered at how deeply dramatic my 7 year old is; I am also concerned about the “come kick me” attitude he displays with his Dad! Even ASid knows when to be quiet and listen to his Dad. What happened with Hans?! This child is something else!!