Being in a book...

The first person who ever put me in a book was one of my professors at York University. She received an award for Teaching Excellence and was asked to write about her favourite moments as a professor. She decided to write about me, as her student, who presented her with one of her memorable moments.

It was a Canadian Literature class. It bothered me a little bit that we never dwelt on Native Canadian Literature. So, for one of my presentations, I decided to research what I am assuming now is known as First Nations' or Aboriginal Literature. Turned out that not a lot was written but there were audio recordings of some of the songs they passed along from generation to generation. So, I spent hours listening to some audio files in the library till I found a song that I immensely enjoyed listening to. Then, I spent a few more hours memorizing it.

On the day of the presentation, I was up in front of the entire class and simply belted out the song. As I sang the song, there were some who smiled and some who were like "What the...?!". Obviously, I followed that up with an explanation!

Our professor loved it. She thought it was very original. She gave me an A+ and then, proceeded to put me in a book.

Today, ASid and I were at the book launch of Craigley's first cousin's wife. This is her second book and a memoir. ASid and I were told that Craigley's and my wedding is mentioned in the book. ASid and I got curious and flipped through the pages and finally found the following where there is a reference to me.

We were all touched by the bride's first dance with her father. She was very close to her father and they were very loving and tender with each other as they floated around the ballroom after the dinner.

It brought back a beautiful memory for me. My dad and I barely had time to rehearse. I was trying to teach him and I was failing miserably. Luckily, I have this tendency to lead!

I distinctly remember one of my friends' wedding where I was the maid of honour and the best man was a military dude. When it was our turn to dance, he was frustrated and strictly reminded me in a commanding voice, "You, maid of honour, follow my lead!" I was like “I will try”.

However, my dad was happy for me to lead...almost relieved in fact! It is wonderful that someone found that moment between a father and a daughter memorable enough to put us in a book.

And it was wonderful to be at this book launch with ASid. We spent some quality time with the cousins and their families. Afterwards, ASid and I went out for dinner. I don't get to spend one on one time with the teen these days. It was really special. I thought we could just grab something on the go, but the boy wanted to do it right and opted for a proper sit down dinner. I was happy to follow his lead!

Now I have another moment to cherish and one day, I hope ASid finds it here and looks back on it fondly.

 

Dignity of Labour

For a good reason, I am compelled to write a follow-up to my previous post.

Here is a real life story as a prologue to my sermon to the boys.

We know a young lady who has a Bachelor’s degree and a Master’s degree in Engineering. However, she has a passion for cutting hair. So she went back to school to study hair styling. Some of her family members were devastated when she opened a salon in her home and started cutting hair. Then, one fine day, this young lady realized that she wants to make more money. So she went back to school again and became a Business Analyst. And she has 2 jobs now! Although she is the happiest when she is cutting hair!

I want the boys to understand that all jobs are important. Being a nanny or a secretary is the same as being a teacher or a hair stylist. Some of us follow our hearts and do the jobs we want to do. Some of us, unfortunately, settle for less. Some of us are never given an opportunity to find out how high we can fly! We are dealt the cards we are dealt and we can chalk it up to luck or fight for what we really want. And while we are living our lives, it would be wonderful to be respectful of others who are doing the same.

Having said that, I expect the boys to realize their full potential and not settle for less. It would be a tragedy if they did!

On that note, I want to share here what KPF wrote after I forced him to read the post for his birthday. It makes absolute sense with what I am trying to convey to the boys today. So, I am going to borrow KPF’s words to make that point.

Thank-you Momley for the beautiful note. I read it and smiled then got all touched and emotional. Not many teens would appreciate the info on the bar so kudos to you, Craigley, ASid’s friends and ASid for the curiosity, interest and most of all seeing the joy in small things. The latter is what will make him a happy person throughout his life.

So I would like to add that happiness is more important than money or fame. It would be a tragedy if the boys reached their full potential and are unhappy when they get there!

 

The nanny makes it big!

Not really...

When Hans started at his school 5 years ago, I was mistaken for his nanny. There must have been several reasons for the confusion and none of them are useful for the telling of this tale!

That same year, I had my first taste of a school council at ASid's school where I had to fail and struggle and eventually survive and triumph.

I kinda lost faith in people in general. I developed an intense dislike for school councils. Just wanted to become inconspicuous...and in spite of that resolution, I still ended up attending a school council meeting at Hans' school. And I am glad I did. That's where I met my mentor, Lady A. She actually mistook me for a teacher...which really sat well with me!

Lady A, for some reason, believed in me from the first moment we met. She encouraged me to reconsider school councils. And I did. The following year, I started off at Hans' school as the Secretary on the School Council. I still remember the day after the first meeting; I had this man call out loudly "Secretary!" in my general direction. Well, it was definitely a step up from nanny (not really), but how rude! That man is now my friend G. And I still don't get his sense of humour!

But I digress...

The subsequent year, Lady A showed immense faith again by training me to be the Treasurer! It was crazy for a girl who loves words to take on numbers. But when someone shows faith in me, I feel compelled to "rise to the occasion". So, I did.

This year, both G and I are Co-Chairs on the School Council. Some say that it is the highest honour a parent can have at his/her child's school. Maybe so! But for me, I got to this place because one person believed in me and my capabilities. I took on roles and responsibilities that I would never have considered. It has been a wonderful learning experience.

Today, I had lunch with Lady A and I thanked her for the amazing journey. It really does take one person to change our world. We need one person to believe in us and we can surprise ourselves.

What I also learnt in the process is that the more conspicuous we become in the public eye, the more people dislike us or make up stuff about us. I have never had people not like me and now I have people openly not like me. It hurt my feelings initially, but now I am almost immune.

At the end of the day, it may be an easy choice to crawl under a rock and never come out. But then it sure does take some guts to follow a path someone sets you off on...simply because they believe in you.

Boys, when you find that person, hang on to him/her. You never know what adventure you will get to go on!

 

The Popsicle Saga: Conclusion

Yesterday, on Monday, an email was sent to all the parents at school from the Principal -  the gist of it was that parents should stop bringing Popsicles to the playground after school!

My first thought was "Damn it G!" I was so sure he complained about it. Since I was such an enabler and obviously such a bad influence on Lily! Then I knew within 2.2 seconds of that thought that that was silly because this is the same man who runs around giving out freezies and ice cream when he feels like it. He definitely has double standards, but he wouldn't snitch on a friend!

Well, I did make my way to the Principal's office to apologize.

I felt like I overdid the Popsicles by bringing in 84 of them last Friday. But I wanted to make a point. I wanted to first and foremost empower Lily by making her a giver than a receiver. I also wanted to make sure that no child was left behind. And between Hans and Lily, they covered most every kid on the playground!

There is a great joy in giving. Sure! Life is unfair. But we can be fair. We can teach our children to be fair. We can teach them generosity.

I learnt this from my paternal grandfather. One school year, we ended up with him. My parents were always on a quest for good schools and my dad's job kept us moving from remote places to big cities. Education trumped everything and a decision was made once to have my brother and me go to a school in the city where my grandpa lived. It was awkward for all of us. But we survived. My best memories from that time revolve around the ice cream vendor's visits to my grandpa's home. Although he was our grandpa, he made sure he purchased ice cream for every kid who would show up. He never left a child behind.

My grandpa demonstrated absolute simplicity in his generosity. It was just ice cream, but it made every kid in the neighbourhood a very happy kid.

I hope Hans and Lily felt a joy in giving out the Popsicles. When we can, we must be generous and we must share. Life is not fair, but we sure can be!

It is unfortunate that I can’t reinforce this lesson a couple of more times. Well, at least, I had that one opportunity. Hopefully, it left some impact on the kids' minds.

And yes, I did make my way to the Principal's office and I did apologize. Just because I want to teach the kids an important life lesson does not mean I break the school rules! And even as I plan to not buy any more Popsicles, I silently protest in my safe space here. Why does a school need to run interference in an after school indulgence?!

On that poignant note, I conclude the last instalment in the Popsicle saga.

 

Salt and Pepper

Today, on the playground, G's daughter finally noticed my grey hair and said that I could be a grandma. Fair enough! She is only 8 and she has no filters. She was refreshingly being honest. I didn't mind at all.

Before I proceed, I am going to give G's daughter a name. This is her second appearance here. I am going to call her Lily after my favourite flower. And she is like a lily...pure and innocent in her perception of the world around her.

I have had people beg, demand, plead and request to colour my hair. My own mother is one of them. My friends are some of them. Some random people rounding up the rest of them! Really?! What is the problem?!

...let us fix your hair...let us fix your teeth...let us fix your weight...let us fix you up from top to bottom...

On some days, I am glad I don't have a daughter. I wouldn't know what I would have done if I had one and she succumbed to the pressure of it all?!

But these days, it is not easy for boys either. There is a tremendous pressure to look a certain way for the selfie generation.

In the middle of their summer vacation, I somehow convinced the boys to get buzz cuts. They were very obedient and vanity didn't set in till they saw themselves. ASid literally had a hat on his head from the time he woke up to the time he went to bed. He had a hat on his bed side! Hans, on the other hand, went all dramatic on me. He was like his hair is never going to grow back ever!

Chances are one or both of the boys might lose their hair at a later time in their lives. There is only that much power I can exercise over genetic predisposition. Sometimes, I have to admit defeat to the natural progression of the proverbial circle of life.

So, why am I writing about this at all?!

Well, I am hoping that the boys will not give importance to outward appearances and are able to dig deep within to find better things to fret over...if it ain't broke, don't fix it! Whoever said it had a good point.

And I want to share something someone else said to me a few months ago. This someone was the Principal at Hans' school. As I breezed into her office one day with my hair unkempt and wild, she looked at me and said the following:

I love the confidence with which you wear your salt and pepper.

They were kind words. I am not sure if it is exactly confidence. Some people may call it laziness or negligence. But I don't care! My hair, my way!

But I did tell Lily that she could colour my hair. If she remembers our conversation the next time, I am going to go out and buy her the biggest marker she requested...so she could have fun with my hair.

I do not want to talk life lessons with an innocent little girl, but I want Lily to remember that there was this one woman who was willing to let a child mess with her hair...because at the end of the day, it is just hair!

 

Gender Bias

Yesterday, Hans offered to help me make dinner. He reminded me of my brother. My brother was always in the kitchen with my mom. Where was I those days? Like ASid yesterday, I would usually be on the couch or in my room reading a book…completely oblivious to the world! Lucky for me that my mom was ahead of her times in the mother country and never insisted that, being a girl, I should be in the kitchen helping her instead of my brother.

My brother totally benefitted from all that time spent in the kitchen with our mom. He is a better cook and a better parent than I could ever be. If Hans turns out half as good as his uncle, I would be so proud!

In the world we live in today, children have more freedom to be who they want to be than ever before and yet, some of our expectations haven’t changed at all.

This morning, I was on the phone with a mother from Hans’ school. Her boy is in Grade 6 and does not like sports at all. The teacher wanted him to join the Grade 6 boys’ soccer team. Apparently, the boy politely declined and the teacher kept insisting. The boy stuck to his guns and the teacher was visibly upset with him toward the end of the day. The boy got into panic mode when he got home. He was worried that the teacher probably hates him now. The mother was very concerned and decided to contribute her time at school to just let her son’s teacher know that her boy is a good kid and he means no trouble by sitting out soccer!

It was very frustrating for me to listen to all of the above.

I really didn’t know how to help this parent. The best she can do is to have a candid chat with the teacher about her child’s fears.

There is a lot children are forced to do as part of the curriculum. They are absolutely given no choices. Why then should they be made to feel guilty if they have some free will and decide to exercise it?!

I have a good mind to go speak with the teacher myself. I really want to know if he is insisting on every girl in Grade 6 being on the Grade 6 girls’ soccer team?! If he is, then I can accept his insistence. Perhaps he is trying to be inclusive?! But this is not my battle to fight. It is somebody else’s and I hope her boy feels better at the end of the day!

 

Life is not fair...

Just before the school year came to an end in June, G decided to give out the leftover nut free ice cream to some of the kids at lunch time. It was literally first come first served and G did not anticipate the chaos. He decided to quickly retract on his offer and he had 2 girls walk up to him and tell him that it is not fair! G, being who he is, told them that life is not fair and that they should get used to it!

Guess what happened next?!

A couple of days later, G was called into the Principal's office as the 2 girls complained about him! Obviously G was not in any real trouble. The Principal just wanted to let him know that any parent who is volunteering at school needs to be mindful of the kids' feelings.

Really?! YES. Really!!

Today, I came across this post circulating in cyberspace. It is about Bill Gates and his 11 rules that every kid should know. Rule 1 is "Life is not fair - get used to it!" I thought of G and how I heard it from him first and how he got into trouble for saying it!

Coincidentally, yesterday, I read an article about how we are the worst parents ever! Apparently, we are raising "feel good" and super sensitive children who have lost a sense of reality. Personally, I wouldn't make such blanket statements and it is quite frustrating that my generation's parenting abilities have been questioned and criticized at random by all sorts of sources. My argument has always been that we, as parents in this particular information age, have more challenges to deal with than our parents ever had!

But I digress.

Coming back to today, it was crazy hot summer weather in Toronto. A couple of genius parents (one being me) decided to distribute popsicles to the kids on the playground. I had G's daughter come up to me wondering if there were any popsicles left. I went in search of Hans to find out if there were any popsicles leftover. Luckily, there was one available. I felt good about that!

G had almost the exact same words to say to his own daughter as he did 3 months ago to the other 2 girls.

But I felt like she shouldn't be the only one without a popsicle!

G reminded me that such is life!

I could see his point of view, but what age is an appropriate age for a child to know that hard fact about life. Could they not be a little ignorant and happy for as long as childhood lasts?!

Perhaps I took away a teachable moment from G; however, G had his moment...he let me know very smartly that I was an enabler as in enabling his daughter to eat junk food!

Bill Gates would be so proud of my friend G!

See! 2 friends who are parents and who have 2 different philosophies on raising children! And yet, we are all doing a terrible job of parenting our children?!

Did someone say life is not fair?!