Two Graduations and a Few Reflections

ASid realized this school year that the plans he makes for himself are not necessarily the ones he needs to follow.

Engineering has always seemed like his ultimate goal; however, he was disenchanted with both Physics and Chemistry in Grades 11 and 12. They didn't engage him like programming and coding did. So, after an intense conflict he felt within himself for a bit, ASid was finally able to articulate that Computer Science is definitely a better fit for him.

At that same age, I let my dad know that I am not cut out for Engineering. I was afraid my dad would be disappointed in me. However, he was super supportive. I hope ASid feels the same way about his parent - that I support him and there is absolutely nothing to be disappointed about! My beautiful baby boy is off to University of Toronto for Computer Science.

Today was ASid's graduation. He was mentioned twice under Special Awards. He got a couple of certificates in a program called FIT, Focus on Information Technology, from The Information and Communications Technology Council (ICTC). Apparently, it shows a student's commitment and interest in the Information Technology field. I guess ASid was kinda prepping for his future when he worked on this certification.

This week, Hans also had a graduation ceremony. He graduated from his elementary school and is off to middle school in September. He is mighty excited about it. At the ceremony, each student was described in a few words. The words used to describe Hans were "kind, happy and a great friend". That was the only time in both the graduation ceremonies where my eyes got moist and I had an emotional moment. This is my other beautiful baby boy and he was perfectly captured in those 6 words!

Hans will feel like an only child soon and will need some friends who can appreciate him for who he is …

ASid is moving out at the end of August and he is looking forward to independence and life on campus. And I am so happy for the boy. When I held him for the first time in my arms, I knew I would have 18 years with him and then, I would have to let him go. My time's up! He will be 18 on August 22nd and a few days later, he will start a new life!

I thought I would be sad, but I am not. I feel wonderful. I feel like I have floated to one finish line with one child. One down and one to go!

We made it boys. We have a few milestones under our collective belts! We have a few more finish lines to cross! The journey is not complete, but we will get there together.

 

The Gift

Today, I walked into a meeting at Hans' school looking for an update on a hot topic and was pleasantly surprised to find out that the "meeting" was really my surprise farewell celebration! At this gathering, I was given a gift. I have mixed feelings about this gift. I am being told I am not being gracious and what not! However, I am allowed to feel the way I feel.

Since I have contributed my time over a period of 7 school years, someone on the School Council decided it was OK to spend some Council funds on a gift for me to show everyone's appreciation for everything I have done! And this crazy request was approved. This is the part I am not comfortable with!

If a bunch of people, who actually care about me, pooled in the money and got a gift - I would have been truly grateful.

A friend described it as a payment for my services. That upset me even more! I did not spend hours at Hans' school expecting a payment! In fact, equating the gift to a payment is an insult of sorts.

For some reason, nobody seems to understand why I am feeling the way I am feeling. And that's OK. I just don't want people to judge me for the way I am feeling and call me ungrateful.

On a positive note, I got an incredibly thoughtful card from this parent who was diagnosed with abdominal cancer a couple of years ago. She still undergoes chemotherapy and looks quite worn out on some days. She took the time to find this perfect card and write a sweet note. Her card, I will cherish forever and read once in a while to remind me that I made a difference in one person's life.

Life is too short to continue to look a gift horse in the mouth. By the way, the gift is an insanely expensive pen and I will use it. Luckily, it is a perfectly practical gift for me … in spite of the way it makes me feel!

 

Dads

My mom's dad passed away when she was 3 years old. She didn't really think about how different life would have been if her dad had been there for her when she was growing up! That thought only entered her head when she saw her own children growing up with their dad.

A few years ago, my mom had the courage to admit that she was jealous of her own children because they have a dad and she does not even have a single memory of her own dad. My mom is never tired of reminding my brother and me how lucky we are to have a dad like ours.

Yes, I am very lucky.

So, why am I writing about this now? Because tomorrow is Father’s Day and something unexpectedly happened to someone I met only a few days ago for me to reflect about my life with my dad and my mom’s without hers!

Last month, I finally agreed to take on a new student although I felt constrained by time. This little girl is in grade 2 and came highly recommended. Since I do a diagnostic assessment before I take on a student, I set up a time to meet with the girl and her mother. Since the mother is what we call an ELL, English Language Learner, there was a bit of communication gap. She showed up with all 3 of her children; 2 of whom are younger than the girl in grade 2.

I set up the younger children with some paper and markers so they could keep themselves occupied while I spent time with their mother and older sister. Once the assessment was done, the mother and I noticed that the children had coloured their hands as well as my floor with some permanent markers. They found Hans' bag of art supplies and helped themselves to some! I might have been visibly upset since my floor was ruined. The mother looked at me puzzled as I explained to her that the markers I gave them were washable and somehow they ended up with the permanent ones!

The following week, the mother sent a note about being unable to attend the tutoring session. Same thing transpired the next couple of weeks. I became both frustrated and worried. Frustrated because I really don't have the time and I made some time for this student. Worried because I thought I offended the mother in some way by my reaction to the art work her children left on my floor!

Another week and I felt like I needed to know what was happening. I asked the person who recommended the student, and she revealed that the family is going through something and she is not comfortable talking about their private matters.

Then I got a note from the mother. Her daughter is very much interested in starting tutoring sessions with me; however, her husband was in an accident and "he is not with them now". I was quite shocked and didn't know how to interpret it - is he in a hospital or has he passed away?

The sad news is that the husband of this woman and the father of her children did die in the accident. She was trying to take care of everything while wondering how she was going to support her 3 young children.

2 days ago, I had my first tutoring session with the little girl. She is very bright. When her mother came to pick her up, she mentioned that her daughter kept asking about her lessons with me. I let the mother know that I will give her free lessons this month, and if her daughter really enjoys them, we can talk payment in September when school resumes!

Giving a couple of free lessons to a child, who lost her father recently, does not make me a humanitarian of sorts! Not at all! If anything, I hope the mother knows that she has support and she is not alone.

I finally understand why my mom feels jealous of my brother and me on occasion. I cannot imagine my world without my dad. And I feel so very sad for this little girl and for my mom and for all those children who can't hug their dads and celebrate with them.

Noteworthy Remarks: Not all dads are kind and not all of them are cruel. Forgive some dads and remember others. Honour a dad, any dad, who has made a difference. Let him know how special he is. Happy Father’s Day … every day!
 

The Unofficial Job

In the last 7 school years, if I wasn't home, I was at Hans' school. Actually, in the last 5 months, if I wasn't home, I was actually at work or wherever work took me. So, technically, I wasn't at Hans' school; however, his school took over whatever time I had left after doing my 4 jobs.

I am not a Co-Chair, but felt a sense of responsibility. I am not a Classroom Parent, but felt the need to support a parent who stepped up and took on that role! I need not care about what happens to Hans' school after he is done, but how can I abandon what felt like a second home to me for the last few years?

So, I helped everyone who took on a role or a responsibility. The Fun Fair wrapped up a couple of days ago. So much was the same and so much was just not quite right! But it didn't matter. Families showed up and families had fun.

Last 3 weeks of the school year and only 14 more school days to go! I have just a bit more left to do with my unofficial job.

At the Fun Fair, a parent told the Principal that I did 90% of the work at Hans' school and that they would have to pay me to come back! I believe this parent was grossly exaggerating. What I do believe is that I care 100% about Hans' school and I have never attached a price or a percentage value to the work I have done there!

It will be very sad saying goodbye in a few days' time to this unofficial job. On a positive note, I will have some much needed free time! I just have to figure out what I am going to do with it!

 

The number six

As of now, I have 6 published feature articles, 6 functional teeth and a Fun Fair coming up on the 6th day of the 6th month of this year!

It is not really the number that has me preoccupied, it is everything else. Just trying to find some common thread between all the busy stuff in my life!

It is only a local magazine with a readership of 3000 households; however I feel like I have achieved a milestone of sorts with 6 feature articles under my belt. It has been a wonderful learning experience. The best part has been this one particular reader who doesn't receive the magazine and gets it specially delivered by her daughter. My mom has my one and only copy of each issue. I know for a certainty that she has actually read all 6 of them. My mom has been the toughest on me all through my life and she is also been the most proud of each and every feature I have written. For all that she has done for me, I am happy to reciprocate in a small way.

If there is pleasure in life, it needs to be balanced out with some pain.

So, here comes the sob story part of this post! Last week, I had the second part of my dental surgery done and it left me with 6 functional teeth tucked away in the right side corner of my mouth - 3 on the top and 3 on the bottom. Eating has been a miserable activity. This is one life lesson I will not forget too soon. Most likely, Hans will need braces and I already feel the pain he will feel. However, the pain will be Hans' and I hope I can adequately support the boy.

And that's mostly what I have been doing lately … supporting people. After hosting the Fun Fair twice with my then friend G, I had to take a backseat this time around. It is Hans' last year at his public school and I want to support all succession planning. It has been a frustrating couple of weeks. I got to learn that I am a better doer than an enabler. There have been days I wanted to tell the current Fun Fair team to step aside and let me do it! There has been a crazy amount of hand holding and spoon feeding. I am learning to breathe and let go.

The 6th day of the 6th month is not just the Fun Fair; it is also my dad's 69th birthday. I need to put that in perspective. This is a man who has always made me feel like a million bucks. So, on that day, I will enjoy the Fun Fair, thank the new team for a job well done and go celebrate my dad.

I will write 6 or more features in the future and I will have a fully functional mouth next week. The pleasure and the pain will continue their intertwined and complex appearances in my life. It will all be temporary each and every time.

"six six six is the number of the beast" are the lyrics from an Iron Maiden song my brother listened to all the time as a teen. Sometimes, we would equate that to my dad as he was born on the 6th of June, 1950. Not everyone will understand why! But the man is far from any such connotation. Life is actually a beast and it is wonderful to experience its inherent beauty through people like my dad.
 

2 days to 22 and the 11th!

Hans will be 11 on the 22nd! In September, he will be in middle school. Within the proverbial blink of an eye, he has become a "big boy"!

Hans is definitely at a better place in his life. Although he still does not quite have a friend at school, he has been engaged in various activities and been mostly positive.

What has he done since he turned 10?!

Hans was in House League Hockey for a third straight season. His confidence improved tremendously. He tried out for Select League and will be an alternate player next season. Craigley was concerned that the boy may be dejected by an offer to be an alternate player; however, Hans reacted with the following:

“Baby steps mom! And I am getting a jersey with my name on it!”

Ash 22 has arrived! 

Hans goes by Ash now. That's his chosen moniker for himself. Even Craigley has started using it.

What else has the boy done?!

He is completing his 7th year of Art lessons. He had this to say about Michaels the other day:

“I found my new Toys R Us!”

The boy is growing up in more ways than one. Recently, one of ASid's friends tried to enlighten the boy about the benefits of working hard. Hans casually brushed him off by saying that, “It’s OK! I am average!".

The boy is anything but average. He is acutely aware of the world around him. He knows his strengths and weaknesses. He is very accommodating of his loved ones. People take advantage of him and he is OK with that!

My brother remarked more than once that Hans reminds him of me. And I consider that a compliment to me!

For his birthday, Hans requested a dinner, a movie and a sleepover with Kay's son. Kay is my "new" friend from the paternal ancestral land. The boys had a fun time. Today, I am recovering from it all!

2 days from today, Hans will be 11. Can't wait to find out what he does this upcoming year! Meanwhile, my fond wish for Hans is to find a friend who will appreciate him and cherish him. Middle school is a crazy place and it would be wonderful to have a pal to help Hans navigate through it.
 

Momley's Blessings

Today, I went to grab a coffee and Hans tagged along. The lady who works there asked him what he did for his mother. Hans gave me a big hug and told the lady that he gave his mother hugs! There were a couple of mothers in the shop who exclaimed that those are the best! I let them all know that he is a good boy and they all exclaimed that that is even better than the best!

Last Thursday, I was up early to wake up ASid early as he was attending the Science Olympics at the University of Guelph and needed to be at school by 6:45 am. I was a little upset with him for running a little late. I think I actually proclaimed to him how I would be there 5 or 10 minutes early!

I try not to do that - compare myself to my kids; but I did it anyways.

I did not see ASid that evening as Hans had his Spring Concert at school that evening and it got delayed. We went out for dinner. ASid sent me a note that he was tired and he would like to skip dinner and go to bed! So, we didn't pick up ASid for dinner and then, I saw the boy next day morning. He told me that his team won second place in some category and he got a gift card to Chapters/Indigo. I was happy for him.

ASid gave the gift card to me and said that he wanted me to have it!

Today, my brother hosted brunch at his home for the 4 ladies in his life - his mother, his sister, his wife and his mother-in-law! Bambino tries to accommodate all of us. It is not an easy task. After the brunch, he was sick with a headache and an earache! I wasn't surprised. This is a man, although he will always be my baby brother, who puts everyone else ahead of himself. 

My brother is thoughtful beyond expectations.

Today is Mother's Day.

How do I count my blessings? I will start with Bambino, ASid and Hans …