I had a bad day
at school, but I don't want to talk to you about it because you like telling
everyone everything I tell you. So, I am not going to tell you anything!
If it was an adult, I could ignore the rant and walk
away. However, I couldn't walk away from my child. I wanted to know what was
bothering him. So, I had this to say…
Yes, I like to
share information with others. But if you tell me something in confidence, I
will keep it confidential. Trust me.
That was enough for ASid to spill the beans. I felt
for the boy. So, I excused him from being part of the dinner plans with my
friend Y's family. Craigley and everyone wanted to know why ASid wasn't with us
at dinner, I couldn't tell them anything. I really can keep a secret!
This morning, I had a few minutes with ASid and
somehow, I started talking about Hans and the bad day he had. Instead of
sympathizing with Hans or me, ASid went off on another rant about what a bad
parent I am with Hans. When he was done, I just asked him one question.
Have I been a
good parent to you?
He was like mostly!
I was like that's
good to know.
I would never have sat across from my parents at the
breakfast table and told them they were bad parents. But then again, I am not
like my parents. I do encourage the boys to speak their minds. So, I encouraged
ASid to give me relevant reasons as to why he thinks I am a bad parent to his
younger brother.
He was like I
don't mean to compare but you don't do half the things you did with me with
him. You don't have half the expectations with him as you did with me. You
don't enforce any rules. He has no discipline and he is abusing you, and you
are letting him!
ASid was so harsh that I was ready to cry. Even my mom
is not that tough with me. I really had to take a moment to ponder over his
critique before I could respond appropriately.
I had to let the boy know that I cannot treat him and
his younger brother equally. I cannot be the same parent to both the boys. ASid
could read, write and do basic MS Word before he was 3. Hans could barely speak
at 3 and a half. At 5, ASid was ready for French Immersion. At 5, Hans was
still struggling with English. How could I treat the 2 boys the same way?!
To continue… in Grade 3, ASid got into the French
School Board. And in Grade 3, Hans didn't get into the CW. ASid didn't want to
leave his friends and go to a new school. Hans doesn't want to be left behind
as 3 of his friends make their way to their respective new schools. Hans doesn't want to go to school anymore.
Really, parenting is not simple.
I told ASid that it is easy to sit on the sidelines
and criticize anyone. It is not easy to walk the walk. He is not a parent. He
has no parental responsibilities. He could point out all the problems or become
part of the solution.
ASid did apologize. And I realized that he is actually
concerned for his younger brother. He wants me to prep Hans for specialized
high school programs. ASid is in one such program and he believes everything I
did with him enabled him to get there. He wants me to do more with Hans so he
could get there as well.
When I put it all in perspective, both of us care
deeply about Hans. It is a competitive world out there. After the CW rejection,
maybe I got a little soft with Hans. I must provide Hans with some goal. 5
years from now, in Grade 8, Hans should be as prepared as his older brother was
to battle it out for the few spots they have in those specialized high school
programs.
If I learnt anything recently, it is that life is a
battlefield. There will be bad days and there will be victories. All I can
conclude wisely is that we must get through the bad days and get ready to be
victorious!
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