Rage Mode

I hear about sibling rivalries and jealousies. Luckily, I had/have none with my brother and I did not anticipate any with the boys. They are almost 7 years apart and literally in 2 different “time zones”...one is a child and the other is a teenager. But as they say, stuff happens!

I was a very involved parent with ASid from JK to Grade 1. Toward the end of Grade 1, I had Hans and literally for the next 4 years I was MIA for ASid at school! So, when ASid was in Grade 6 and Hans started JK, I decided to get involved again. I am glad I did as that year seems to be the only year I could have done that for ASid and that's the only one ASid remembers. 

A parent's involvement at school ends with a child graduating from Public School. It is too short of a journey!

With Hans, I have had no interruptions whatsoever and I have put in a solid 5 years and I have 2 more to go. Some parents at Hans' school believe he is my only child. Last year, one of them saw ASid and me at a mall and wondered who he was?! I introduced him as my older child and all ASid had to mutter was, "Yes. I exist."

I wasn't sure if it was a typical teenage response or if he was being sarcastic. Then it became bit of a pattern. ASid started muttering quite often that I spend way too much time with Hans and indulge him at every opportunity. In all fairness, I had to remind ASid that he was like an only child for almost 7 years. He had my 100% attention whereas Hans always had/has only 50% of my attention. There is no comparison.

Logical reasoning doesn't always work! Quite recently, the muttering became an outburst! We were at my parents' home and I was proudly proclaiming how Hans can handle spice way better than I can! Suddenly ASid started saying stuff like you are always talking about him and it is like I don't exist! I tried to explain to him that the proclamation was within a context. We were eating and I made an observation! ASid refused to see it that way and kept insisting that I am always favouring his younger brother over him!

What an accusation!

I don't believe any parent favours one child over another. However, we may spend more time with that one child who needs us more. I am sure ASid understands that, but he seems to have lost control over his thinking.

I hope ASid puts things in perspective one day soon. 

Each school day, I wake up early in the morning and wake him up. I make his breakfast and prepare his lunch, and get about 20 minutes in the morning with him while I do those 2 tasks. I look forward to that time. That's our time...whether we share silence or a conversation, it doesn't matter! I get exclusive time with my child and that's all that matters.

I must also remind the boy here that I am always proud of the fact that he shows up at Hans' school to help out. And he never complains. Deep down, he cares about his younger brother. Hopefully, these jealous rages are simply a side effect of adolescence.

My biggest fear and concern for myself is that as one boy will finish this crazy phase in his life, the other boy will make an entry into it. I would be dealing with more than a dozen years of continuous adolescence between the 2 boys.

I guess I just have to tell myself that this too shall pass and get into Zen mode while the boys get through their respective rage modes.