I attended a School Council meeting at Hans’ school that
unfolded some drama. Survived it! I walked out to find Hans approach me and
request that I take him home with me. He has never done that before. He has
refused to go to school; but never asked to be taken home in the middle of a
school day! I probably would have taken him home, but I was off to lunch with
my friend C. I didn’t want to cancel my lunch date, so I told Hans that it is a
special day at school and I want him to participate in the event being held. I
promised that I would come back for him and take him home early. He walked away
dejected. I stayed for a bit and chatted with another parent. As I was finally
ready to leave, Hans showed up again. This time around, I was annoyed. I
actually suggested that I stop helping out at school if each time I am there he
thinks it is OK to wander up to me and go home with me. He walked away for a
second time looking super dejected.
I had lunch with C and then, I got home. Craigley was
working from home, so I requested if we could go pick up Hans?! Even if
Craigley doesn’t agree on half of my parenting decisions, he is quite
accommodating most of the times. We got to Hans’ school and the event was still
happening, and I found Hans’ teacher on the playground with the kids. She
approached me to let me know that Hans had a bad morning and she was told he
was disrespectful to a parent volunteer. Upon inquiry, I found out that this is
a parent who does not like me very much. This
was bad news! Hans’ teacher recommended that I leave him at school and let
him redeem himself. She assured me that she would talk to him.
This time around I was the one to walk away dejected!
Each time ASid or Hans get into trouble, I question my
parenting. Is there something I am doing wrong?! How can I be a better parent?!
At times like that, I am used to calling a friend and
seeking advice. Quite honestly, with absolutely no pre-planning, I ended up
chatting with G. It was quite refreshing. I am used to consulting with mom
friends and never really a dad friend; well, I never did have any dad friends
prior to now. G’s sincere advice was to dismiss it and not give it too much
importance. However, I insisted that I wanted to apologize to this parent. He
was like it is not necessary.
But did I listen to his advice?! Nope. I made it a
point to approach the parent at pickup and apologize to her. She listened and then,
quite unceremoniously dismissed me! I guess I deserved it. Then I got mad at
myself and right after that, I got mad at Hans. As we walked back home, I was
like of all the parents at school, must
you choose to be disrespectful to this one parent?! He was like I wasn’t disrespectful at all! I guess,
in his head, disrespectful meant talking back or saying something
inappropriate. All he did was not listen!
Apparently the event was boring and he wanted to sit out this one activity this
parent was running. She wanted him to participate and he refused.
When we got home, Craigley heard about it all and he
accused me of making a hyperbole out of everything. Why can’t a child refuse to participate in an activity?! But then
you don’t…you do what you are told at school. A child can’t say s/he does not feel
like doing what a teacher wants the class to do. You follow instructions
regardless of how you feel!
The point to
this story is that I must not doubt my parenting each time my child does
something unexpected. It is quite possible that he is having a bad day. As long
as it is not consistent, I must learn to dismiss one time episodes. And if I
seek advice, I must learn to listen to the friendly advice given. Still, it is
always advisable to apologize to an injured party. Whether they are gracious
about it or not is irrelevant.
Parenting is not
easy at all. As I stumble through this lifelong responsibility, I am glad I
have my parent friends to help me even if I don’t always listen to them. So
once in a while, when my child doesn’t listen, I must chalk it down to genetic
predisposition and move on!
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