Making connections and making sense

On the 4th of August, 2016, Hans made up a couplet. I immediately typed it up and sent it to myself. A few days ago, I was looking through some email I sent to myself over the years and found his sweet little poem. Here it is:

Smile like the wind is blowing in your hair‎;

Because all the dirty stuff can get out of there!

I don't remember why he said those words. Maybe I was sad or maybe he was being silly...

It does not matter; a few days ago, when I read it, it made sense in a strange way.

The very next day, I also watched "Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind" for a second time. I loved it just as much as the first time.

Maybe because it is the end of another year and maybe because this year has been such a Dickensian year, Hans' couplet and Alexander Pope's quote from the movie stayed with me. I mean Hans is nowhere in the same league as the latter, but sometimes an 8 year old's ramblings are just as poignant!

2018 has been a year of wins and losses. Yes, I am somewhat employed which is better than not employed at all. But I had to give up work that I really did enjoy doing. On the same note, I gained a friend and lost a friend. I guess it is almost like a balancing act from a purely logical perspective, but from an emotional point of view, a loss is a loss and there is sorrow attached to it even if a gain is a thousandfold better.

But my memories keep them all intact and I wish I could pick and choose what I want to remember. If it was as simple as "wash that man right outa my hair" or go through a procedure to erase painful memories, I would most likely enjoy washing my hair even more or willingly go in for mind numbing surgeries!

Alas, life ain't that simple.

So, as 2018 is coming to an end, I would like to remember all the pain and the joy.

And I want 2019 to be the year when ASid gets that acceptance letter to the program of his choice at the University of his Choice. It may take him away from home, but I want him to fly and explore the world on his terms and discover new interests and make new friends. I will definitely feel some pain in the process, but ASid's joy will be worth it! Obviously, I will be overjoyed as well and the boy will be pained a bit!

Such is life and I am glad that life is complicated that way!

 

My First Tweet!

At exactly 3:33 pm today, I tweeted for the first time and it had everything to do with First LEGO League. Today was the tournament and Hans' team was 8th out of 23 teams at one point in time. It was such an amazing accomplishment that I had to scream it out in some way and I did - I tweeted! Not exactly a shout out, but the best I could with what I had at my disposal.

Eventually, the team finished in 10th place. However, they won an award in one of the categories. This was the one I talked about a few days ago in a post. It had to do with Core Values. Hans’ team won second place. The award is given to the top 2 teams that display the Core Values of Inspiration, Teamwork and you guessed it...Gracious Professionalism! 

It was an incredible moment.

The smallest and the youngest team demonstrated that nothing is impossible. The way they came together was unbelievable. They were honest about their weaknesses and proud of their individual strengths. 

They were so good that I tweeted a couple of more times.

I sincerely hope I haven’t caught the Twitter bug! But I may tweet again when the going gets good!

 

Dreaming while awake...

2 days ago, I had planned for a different day; however, it worked out very well the way it unfolded.

It started off with this 3 hour session in the morning where I was in a room with maybe 50 other "eager beaver" types who seemed excited to have been hired for a job that allows you to work only if you are needed and if a few others before you have most likely declined to work that day! I could explain that in detail, but why bore anyone with mundane information?!

What I will remember from those 3 hours is meeting this young woman. This one was maybe half my age with a sparkle in her eyes. Her mom dropped her off and she had a snack she pulled out half way through the session. That is the only thing I envied about her - that she is still a child in some ways and has a parent thoughtfully taking care of her!

Some days, I wish I was still a child. But then again, I love being a parent to my own children. I love my life the way it is.

And while I was reflecting on my life amidst paperwork, I received a sincere text message from my friend P. The first issue of the magazine I worked on was delivered to some homes around my neighbourhood. (The rotating postal strike has been an annoyance, but more power to our postal workers!)

P's text message was the first comment ever on my written work that is now in print. So, I want to share it.

"I just read your work. Wonderful and touching piece. Keep up the good work!"

P, coincidentally, was also the first person to hear about my job offer from my "second" interview. I was with her when I received the news. And I had burst into tears out of sheer relief and happiness!

So, 2 days ago, it became a bit real to me as I was filling out forms which were a consequence of my accepting the above job offer.

Most of my life, I have wanted to write and teach. I started writing when I created this blog; my children inspire me to write on a daily basis. But actually seeing my work in print was a dreamlike moment. And soon, I will be teaching in a classroom! It still doesn’t feel entirely real.

So, for the last 2 days, I have been walking around like I am in a dream. These have been the best couple of days of my life in a long time.

Noteworthy Remarks: Many moons ago, I believe I bought a book titled "Why do bad things happen to good people?" or something like that! That was how I felt then! Now, I believe that "good things come to those who wait"! It has been a long wait, but worth every second that went into it.

Never ever give up on your dreams. And when they come true, enjoy that feeling of dreaming while awake!
 

The Horror of it All!

Had an interesting day with 3 of my children - 2 biological and 1 tutorial.

Hans has been watching a series of YouTube videos recommended by a classmate. I watched a bit with him and although funny, the videos are super stereotypical of a certain culture. On the way to school, Hans couldn't stop talking about it and laughing about it. And then coincidentally, we met up with the very same classmate who recommended the series to Hans, and both the boys immediately started talking about a particular episode and burst out into laughter.

I wasn't entirely sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing to laugh at a stereotypical depiction of a culture even if it was being depicted by a person from that culture?!

ASid, on the other hand, was sick and was home. He decided to share his conversations with his classmates and friends with me. He started off by saying that it was great that Hans was at school so he could openly talk with me. What was he going to talk about?! Apparently, they are talking about "pleasuring oneself"!! At one point in my life, Smoggie couldn't get me to say the word sex; I would always choose to spell it out and I was well into my 20s. And here I was, chatting candidly with my teenage son about a certain type of sexual activity and finding it strangely normal.

Again, I wasn't entirely sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing to discuss a sexual topic with my 17 year old even if it was being approached from a purely scientific and statistical perspective?!

Finally, there was Sunny, my young Stephen King in the making. This one bounces of the walls and says ridiculous stuff. She decided today that it would be interesting to kill me. Then, she decided that I was offended by what she said, and gave me permission to kill her. I looked at her and suggested that she should write about it. I started off by letting her know that she already has a protagonist and an antagonist. She didn't know what those terms meant. So, I proceeded to explain to her. I told Sunny that the tutor could be a protagonist if she kills an evil student, but an antagonist if she kills innocent students. Sunny got all excited about writing this horror story. We brainstormed and titled her story "Twisted Tutor". Of course, she made me the antagonist!

Was it a good thing or a bad thing that I encouraged a 9 year old to write a horror story?! In this case, I have an answer. Sunny's mom was a little horrified that her daughter picked the theme she picked; however, she was delighted that Sunny looked radiant after her first real attempt to write a horror story.

I couldn't have asked for a better day. 

Spending time with young, inquiring minds that are brimming with curiosity and creativity is an opportunity for me to learn and grow in my dual role as mother and teacher. Giving validity to my kids' concerns and interests is all about providing an opportunity for them to share and mature. If they can share with me, then they are comfortable with the subject. And if I keep an open mind, we are set for life.
 

Recollecting that First Step!

There was one school year when Bambino and I were away from our parents. I was 8 years old then and Bambino was 6 going on 7. Even at that age, I felt a great responsibility towards my brother given that my parents weren't physically with us. I made it a point to help the little guy with his homework. That was the year he won an award for Science or some subject at school. It was not because I took it upon myself to tutor him, but because he was a naturally brilliant kid. 

I would not want to take away anything from Bambino's achievements. In fact, I want to give him credit for my most recent achievement. A few hours ago, I received a job offer for a teaching position in the biggest school board in Canada. And it felt like the journey that I began with Bambino many moons ago in my grandpa's home has finally reached an end and a new beginning!

Bambino is most definitely my very first student. Helping him with his school work was perhaps also my first "volunteer work". It led me to helping other kids younger than myself. And eventually motivated me to get that degree in Education!

My brother has always stood by me like a giant with all my decisions and especially with my decision to stay at home even when barely anyone supported it. He believed in me like he believed in me when he was barely 7 years old. In his head, I am his super sis and now, a super mom.

I want to thank little Bambino and I want to thank the man he has become. If I am the confident woman and mother that I am today, he has definitely contributed to it. And my boys are the biggest beneficiaries.

I called, emailed and texted a few friends and family with my good news. All of them have played parts in my journey, but my brother has played the most important part - I took the first step with him!

Thanks everyone and thank you Bambino!
 

Multiple "Missions" Accomplished

This year, at Hans' school, they formed the very first FLL team. FLL stands for First LEGO League. The team started off with 7 kids and 2 dropped out almost immediately. The remaining 5 have hung on for dear life. Hans is on this “pioneer” team.

The 5 team members are 9 and 10 year old kids. There are 2 girls and 3 boys. Each of them have a distinct look and also have a distinct cultural/ethnic/racial background. However, in spite of all their differences, they have banded together to do some cool robotic missions together.

Today, they had a practice tournament and I got to be part of it. I have been at LEGO League tournaments before with ASid. So, the robotic part was not new. The new experience was the practice aspect of it all. I especially enjoyed sitting in on the teamwork part of it.

A young mentoring team of Grade 11 and 12 students asked the 5 kids to split themselves into 2 teams. And predictably, they divided themselves into 2 teams of 3 boys and 2 girls each respectively. Much confusion and humour ensued from this partition of the core team. The kids got to learn valuable lessons about teamwork. Then, they had this "interview" session where they were asked a few questions. The most interesting was, "What is your understanding of Gracious Professionalism?"

At which point, all 5 kids exclaimed with:

"Never heard of that!"

They were encouraged to think about it and arrive at an answer and they were able to mumble something about being professional!

I got curious and checked out the phrase. Turns out it is a phrase that is registered under FLL's Core Values. It had another interesting word registered as well - Coopertition. I guess that would be cooperative competition.

At the end of the day, I got to learn along with the kids. They were no less than graduate students in terms of all the research they had to do. They had to also plan their design. On top of that, they had to learn to code and program. They had to solve problems when their designs failed and their coding/programming didn't function as planned. But above all, they had to work together. And they did!

Hans, when he joined the team, absolutely believed that it was all about building cool LEGO structures. When he realized how much "boring" work was involved, he almost quit. Today, I am sure he was happy that he kept at it. Next month is the actual tournament. I will definitely be there to cheer Hans and his teammates on.

And I will never forget their answer to the very last question they were asked as a team: "What is so special about your team?"

They almost replied in unison like they had practised it several times before!

"We are the youngest and the smallest team!"

But they showed tremendous growth in one day. They went from bickering with each other to helping each other. 

In that sense, one mission accomplished!

 

Toothy Issues and Life Lessons

Today, I had an interesting schedule. A morning coffee meeting followed by lunch with Lady A and then finally, a dentist's appointment.

At lunch, I mentioned to Lady A about My Selfie and the criticism that ensued by sharing it with people (whom I believe are mostly my friends). I showed the Selfie to Lady A and she supposed that it could have used better lighting; something that Craigley pointed out as well. Lady A decided to take my picture for me. Anyone else, I would have objected to; however, this is Lady A - the person who plucked me out of Anonymity and thrust me into Spotlight. She believed in me when no one knew me. And I believe that I can always trust her when it concerns my wellbeing!

So, we set off from lunch to her home where she decided to do a photoshoot with me.

I never ever thought I would find a camera in my face a delightful experience. Lady A was a pro. Before I knew it, she had me smiling and making faces. I don't really remember baring my teeth that much to anyone recently!

And Lady A kept saying something like, "Those mean people! How could they say that about your teeth?" And I was like, "Yeah! I want a toothy picture for my next issue!"

And that's what it will be. With everyone wanting to fix my teeth, I had almost become afraid to smile. 

And talking of teeth, I had this pain on the left side of the inside of my mouth for a couple of weeks now. I kept ignoring it as there are always things to do. I had no time to take care of my pain. Then, the pain increased! Last 3 days have been hell. I couldn't sleep and I was a mess. Finally, yesterday, I confided in my friend C that I am in severe pain. She gave me an Advil and suggested I call my dentist right away! I mean, that is common sense but I needed someone to say that to me!

Today, I had my dentist's appointment. It turns out it is my “doubly done” root canal and one wisdom tooth! I actually identified those problems already. However, that doesn't make me smart at this point in time.

While reflecting on all of the above, I came to the realization that I have a high tolerance for pain. I deal really well with physical, mental and emotional pain! I deal well with pain till it is gut wrenchingly unbearable. When that happens, then I make a painfully slow move toward a solution. That is something that needs to change. Why must I put up with pain? No one should put up with pain!

“Thank you Lady A for finding a happy smile with my teeth that need to be fixed! Thank you New Dentist for patting my head and reminding me that I need to take care of me! You both made me feel like a child who is loved!”

One who knows me so well and one who knows me not at all...both of them, in their own ways, reminded me that life is too short to walk around with pain in my heart and in my teeth!

Exchanges of all sorts

This school year, Chucky/Junior is not at Hans' school. The parents decided to go the private route and it seems like the boy is happy at his new school. In a wonderful coincidence, Hans is also very happy at his school.

Last Friday, Junior's mom reached out to me to help her sell their piano. If anyone reaches out to me, I help that person very sincerely to the best of my abilities. So, I sent out some feelers to friends and family and, in a strange twisted way, the piano ended up in my home.

Junior's family is leaving the neighbourhood and they decided to just give their piano to us instead of selling it! Junior has stopped playing the piano 6 months ago. On Saturday morning, we had the piano.

Junior was the boy who tortured Hans to no end at one point in life. His mom wants us to remember them forever through the piano. I am glad it worked out this way. Best to remember anyone through their kindness than their harshness! On another happy note, our piano is going to Sir B/UB who may put it to some good use.

The exchange of pianos was all decided within the length of one day. And within a day, many kind words were exchanged as well. It showed maturity and growth from all parties involved. It was a Momley kinda day!

And talking of growth and maturity, Hans scored his first Hockey goal! It took him 2 seasons and a bit, but he finally did it. Craigley decided to celebrate with a family dinner at Hans' choice restaurant. The boy ended up choosing a classmate’s parents' new restaurant that they recently opened in our neighbourhood.

We had a delicious time and we made the restaurant owners happy. They told Hans that they would let their son know that his classmate graced their restaurant. They made Hans feel like some celebrity! And Hans showed that he has grown in more ways than one. He graciously thanked his classmate's parents and put them back in the spotlight.

That was Saturday. We had 2 days of back to back celebrations and sweet exchanges. What brought it all home was what happened on Sunday morning.

Hans had Hockey School, and as soon as he came back, he started playing on his "new" piano for the first time. Just then, my mom called and when I answered the phone, she wanted to know if Hans was on the piano?! When I responded in the affirmative, she stated that the piano sounded different than before. Then, we both stopped talking and listened to Hans playing the piece he has been practising for a while. When he was done, my mom and I agreed that the boy is quite good and thanked him.

Last Tuesday, Hans got his progress report. It appeared like a solid B and the boy was informed rather strictly that he was going nowhere with such a mediocre report card. The boy believed his father and he was worried. He is only 10 and I assured him that he will be going somewhere!

I am glad I did because...

Last Friday, Hans had an early Art lesson and he showed brilliance in how quickly he picked up a colouring technique.

On Saturday, he scored his first goal in spite of being told repeatedly he can't even skate properly!

Sunday morning, he played on Junior's piano without a negative thought in his heart. He produced sweet music that made his mom's eyes and his grandma's eyes well up with pride.

I want Hans to know that no matter where he goes, to college or to university, he will be much sought after because he is a loyal friend, a team player and a generous soul. I believe in him and I believe that about him.

Noteworthy Remarks: Progress reports only capture one aspect of who a child is. They should never be allowed to predict a child's future and definitely not define who a child is!

 

It is a travesty

When we value an adult by the money s/he makes

It is a tragedy

When we define a child by the grades s/he gets

Worthless, brainless, “something” less

Words can hurt

Good at nothing, good for nothing

Hurtful, harmful…be very careful

This is life

Make those word choices wisely

My Self and My Selfie

For a few years now, I have had people trying to "help" me better myself in many different ways. One particular kind of offer to help annoys me to no extent. This kind includes fixing me on the outside. I believe I have ranted a bit about it here! The most hilarious has been the "opportunity" I wrote about four years ago!

So, why am I bringing it up again? Actually, it is something that refuses to go away and plagues my life on a, more or less, daily basis.

Recently, there has been much discussion about a photo I submitted to the local magazine that hired me to be the content coordinator. I did the easiest thing and took a selfie. Although I am not good at taking selfies by any means, I made that choice. I know me best and I was going to capture myself the best way possible - through mine own eyes! And I did just that. So, there is me with no makeup and the way my hair usually is. Anyone can see that picture and know it is me!

Hans was the first to see it and he asked me if that was the picture that would be in every issue of the magazine?! When I answered in the affirmative, he took a few seconds before he said, "Oh-kay". ASid barely looked at the pic. Craigley gave me technical advice and took a couple of pictures of me to make a point. My friends, P and Y were horrified that I would submit such a photo! 

It didn't seem like my selfie had much of a positive reception. Then, I got the most constructive feedback from a totally different source.

It turns out the publisher, my boss, would like another picture as well. Now, I cannot exactly say NO to her! And her feedback had nothing to do with how I look, but more to do with the quality of the picture itself! And I agreed with her. So, I get to keep my picture for the first issue and maybe make a switch starting with the second issue in the New Year!

And I am taking a selfie again! And I am ready for the onslaught of criticism. As long as the quality of the picture is good, I am sure my selfie and “my self” are good to go!
 

The Lighter Side of Life

Lately, it seems like I am wandering streets unknown or worrying incessantly over the Teen! Time to take a break and catch up on the continuing Hockey soap opera!

So, Hockey season is back. This time around, Craigley decided to be the Assistant Coach. Apparently Hans wanted him to be a bit of a Dad to him and not 100% Coach. Craigley was cool with that until he received an email about whom he would be coaching under.

This is where movies go into "flashbacks". And I will do my own version of a flashback by getting everyone to read this post from a few months ago! Yes, he was paired up with his Arch Nemesis from last season.

Saying Craigley lost it would be an understatement. He was livid. Immediately, he proceeded to write an email indicating why he should be Coach! He got a prompt response reminding him that he wanted to be an Assistant this season!

In theory, I had to agree with the opposition. But Craigley was like "I beat her last season. I am the winning Coach". Technically, his team beat her team. They were both lucky to have awesome kids playing amazing Hockey.

The battle ended with Craigley moving Hans and himself to another team where he was content to be an Assistant to some unknown guy.

Last Saturday, I was able to watch the game where Craigley and his Arch Nemesis faced off for the first time this season. Almost all of Craigley's last season’s team, Hans' last season’s team mates, are on the other team now! It worked out that way because the kids were supposed to continue to work with their former Coach who unfortunately decided to quit the team over personal principles! Hans felt a little awkward to be facing off against his former team mates. I had to reassure him that they are still his friends off the ice!

The game ended with Hans' team winning. As we walked out, we saw the other Coach who was chatting with a parent or someone. Craigley had to shout out to her with, "That was a good game, eh?". He got a "Get out of my face" look from the woman. At which, Craigley looks at me and remarks, "What’s with her? I am just trying to be nice!"

I just smiled at the absurdity of it all. 

And I was glad my tutoring session got moved to a different time and I got a chance to be part of this ongoing Hockey soap opera. I'd rather be a spectator to a real life drama than go back in History to help King Louis XIV of France run a strategic ad campaign to send some of his peeps to New France! Little did he know then that that new land of his would become a Hockey loving nation called Canada!

Ah! To be part of History in the making! Life is really darned good.
 

Call to Recall

On Halloween morning, I got an unexpected text message from KPF. He was like "call me anytime today". It took me a while to call him. It was Halloween and I already had a busy morning at Hans’ school and I had my small annual gathering coming over in the evening and I needed to tidy up my place a bit.

However, I made calling KPF a priority.

My first words were, "I have only 10 minutes. I am so glad you texted me. I have to tell you so much."

I am always rushing through my conversations with KPF.

He was like, "Then, you have to call me again!'

First, I was confused. Then, I realized that he meant "talk as much as you can in 10 minutes and call me back at another time to finish talking"!

I couldn't keep it to 10 minutes. KPF is my best listener and I believe I spent 20 minutes chatting (most likely monologue-ing) with him. This is my friend whom I used to worry about losing! Now, I don't think about it much. Thanks to advancements in science and medicine!

Talking of which, that is what KPF is doing with his life right now. He is studying Genetics. And he hopes to one day go into research. I was so happy listening to him!

I told him that I would love to enrol in some dance classes. And that I would call him back for advice on that. Why would I call KPF?! Because, at one point in time, he was an avid Salsa dancer!

We talked about how we are 40 something and doing stuff that 20 somethings do. He is at school and I am going to be working soon. But then I shared with KPF something that ASid shared with me the other day. He said that the day we stop learning is the day we are old. Apparently, he remembers that from a speech at my brother's MBA convocation. First of all, that was maybe 7 odd years ago and ASid was not quite 10 then! The fact that he remembered is something.

And if he has to remember one thing, that is pretty good!

I have been so worried about this boy the last few weeks and talking about him with KPF got me to understand that I shouldn’t worry so much about him. He is 17 and in most ways, wiser than ever before. He will get through Grade 12 and he will be where he needs to be a year from now…soaking in all the knowledge that surrounds him!

ASid is going to be just fine like his mom and her friend KPF!

Sometimes unexpected, friendly Interruptions get us to pause and think about Life. And then, we realize that Life is pretty darned good.

 

Unknown

Yesterday, I felt alone all of a sudden and wanted to disappear. I told ASid about it and he asked me to write a poem. Today, I did. I feel better.

What I would give

To go back in time
To that moment
Where I was unknown

When no one knew me

I walked the streets unseen
When no one saw me
I was free like the wind

Now I have been found

And I don't know who I am
I feel shackled and bound
Unable to breathe

I wander around in crowds

Friends or foes, I know not
The day they wanted me
I lost me forever

If I am, then he isn't?!

A few weeks ago, Craigley was really upset. He wondered if I was complaining to family, friends, neighbours and perfect strangers about him being a bad husband?!

The outburst made no sense. According to almost everyone we surround ourselves with, Craigley is a great husband! In fact, G would say that I won the lottery when I married Craigley. And Craigley had issues with G at one point in time!

It seemed like there are new issues to tackle and they are with me this time around!

So, I wondered out loud as to what led Craigley to this crazy conclusion?! Turns out that everyone he ran into in the neighbourhood was hell bent upon letting him know what a good wife he has! So, how does that make him a bad husband? Apparently, it does.

Craigley's background is Mathematics, but only Craigley can understand his logic.

So, it was wonderful that our doorbell rang last night! It was the mother of one of Hans' classmates. Yesterday, the boys had 2 soccer games where they represented their school and won both the games. Some parents couldn't attend and some of us could. I knew that this particular parent recently went back to work and she would have wanted to be there for her child. So, in the middle of it all, I called her to give an update. She was obviously at work and I got her voice mail. I took the opportunity to leave a lengthy message. Apparently, she was thankful for my call and decided to drop by with some flowers and treats.

The first words that came out of her mouth when she saw Craigley were, "Your wife is amazing!".

Although it was a bit of a hyperbole, I appreciated her words. I really needed Craigley to know that people say kind things about people because they are thankful in some way and not in opposition to their feelings for someone else!

Since I am home and I have the time, I help neighbours with picking up their mail or watering their plants or simply smiling at them and stopping for a chat. These are small things and apparently people appreciate them. So, they let Craigley know about them! Perhaps they need to elaborate instead of just saying what a good wife he has!

Personally, I do believe Craigley is a good man. He is amazingly generous to the people in his life. Our friends appreciate his hospitality when they come over.

Together, both Craigley and I do our best to be decent role models for the boys. And hopefully, the boys are paying attention.

Today, ASid is doing some project work at a friend’s home after school. I suggested that ASid pick up flowers for his friend's mother and thank her. This is a woman who has frequently picked up and dropped off ASid from various locations to our home. I wanted ASid to learn from the mother who dropped by our home last night. Today, I wanted him to pay it forward by thanking another mother.

Noteworthy Remarks: We are not competing with each other as parents. We are working together and helping each other. Some days, some of us get more recognition than others; but that is momentary and life goes on. There are always many opportunities to do our best. Rewards are inconsequential and if they show up, we must accept them with humility and reciprocate.

Here is a reminder for Craigley if he happens to drop by!

 

Relationships

Yesterday morning, ASid expressed his frustration with a friend of his who said that she would salvage a marriage however bad it is but walk away from a friendship when it turns sour!

I let ASid know that marriages have religious and/or legal implications that friendships don't have! I really wanted him to respect this girl's opinion. And I also reminded him that all of his friends and classmates are currently only dealing with friendships and have no experience with marriages!

I believe since they are in Grade 12 and in the process of applying to universities and making plans to maybe move away from home and perhaps share a room with a friend, they are discussing friendships moving forward to the next level.

Technically, both friendships and marriages are relationships. Right now, for ASid and his friends, friendships are everything. So, from his perspective, anyone walking away from a friendship without trying to save it is a sacrilege of sorts!

I guess this girl also brought up children and how a marriage needs to be saved for the sake of children if they are involved! I agreed to an extent; however, I told ASid that, for the sake of the very same children, sometimes it is best to walk away from a marriage.

I believe we should be able to walk away from any relationship, including a friendship and a marriage, if it becomes abusive on any level. There is no good reason to put up with abuse. Children need to see symbiotic relationships and learn from them.

I had to let ASid know that his friends and he do not necessarily have an understanding of what it means to be in a committed relationship and have children. Parents can go to great lengths to protect their children - whether it requires staying in a marriage or walking away from it!

ASid considers his friendships a commitment and to that extent, he is willing to fight for them. But then, I advised him to walk away from any of his friendships if they become a source of conflict or pain.

We can all be idealistic and make grandiose statements at a certain age; but then life gets in the way! Then, we learn, we make tough decisions and we move on.

 

Noteworthy Remarks: Long time ago, I battled it out for the one whom I thought was the love of my life! Won the battle, but lost the war. Then, years later, I battled it out for the love of my children. Lost some battles, but won the war.

If a relationship means something, anything and it is inherently based on goodness, fight for it. But also know when to walk away from it!

Integrity Matters

In the fall of 1993, as I waited outside a seminar room at York University, I heard an interesting conversation. There was a group of young female students talking about why they were there. I don't remember what most of them said, but I remember only the one who said that she wanted to get married and raise children. Almost everyone in the group looked at her disapprovingly and someone actually wondered out loud why this young woman was at a place of higher learning when what she wanted to do required no degree of sorts!

I will never ever forget that conversation. It was a moment where someone's choice was neither respected nor supported. That woman simply wanted to be a wife and a mother. It was either a foolish admission or a brave declaration depending on one’s perspective. Since it was mostly perceived as foolishness, I should have said something to support her; however, I did not!

Years later, I felt the same disapproval several times from near and dear ones to total strangers who felt it their responsibility to remind me about the poor choices I made in my life.

Bottom line is that somehow a woman who chooses to stay home and take care of her children is less than a woman who chooses to work and has the financial means to hire a nanny!

What about a woman who has no choice?!

Couple of years ago, I was reminded that I still have a voice in spite of whatever perception people may have of me. And each time I opened my mouth, people felt like I was some sort of an advocate for stay-at-home moms. That is natural given my own personal choice. However, I have never been against a woman who made the opposite choice from mine. We have to make choices that work for us and appreciate that we are lucky to have the freedom to make those choices.

There are several out there, men and women, who do not have a choice.

So, why am I rambling today?!

This morning, I had a heartwarming conversation with ASid. It started off with me saying to him that I probably have lost all my self-respect in the last 17 years crusading around the need to stay at home. He is 17 and he probably does not need me anymore and Hans is 10 which is an age at which most children become quite independent anyways!! I felt like I overstayed my welcome a bit.

ASid immediately reacted quite seriously and very earnestly. He wanted me to know that every choice I made in the last 17 years kept my integrity intact. He listed an entire list of events where I had a choice to make and he let me know that not one single time did I lose my integrity.

Then, he ended by saying that he is going through a very stress intense period in his life and he is glad I am around for a chat when he needs to let it out. He also added that he is happy to see me actively seek work since he and his brother don't need me as much. He said that I kept my word and that's all that matters.

Yesterday, I finished writing a feature article for a local magazine that hired me to be a content contributor. Yes, I had a couple of phone interviews prior to the scheduled "second" interview, and I have a small job that allows me to indulge in a bit of writing. I still remember when I became the Secretary on Hans' School Council. I was delighted that I could have anywhere from 200 to 400 potential readers. I even wrote a blog post about it! Now, there are potentially 3000 readers. Somehow the number did not matter, I wrote with the same discipline and diligence.

And I expect to continue to keep my integrity through the small and the big situations, and continue to make my boys proud. I write this blog for them and I hope one day they find this particular post when they need me per chance and I am not around. My fond wish is that, no matter what, they not compromise their own integrity.

 

The "second" interview

I keep telling people that I haven't had an interview in over 20 years. That is a bit of an untrue statement. I did have a casual interview in a coffee shop for my online teaching stint that lasted about 6 years. That was in 2004. Then, 10 years later, I had what I called my "first" interview. It was a one on one for a part time position. I had badly wanted that job as it was working from home and required a 2 day commitment per week.  I did not get it, but I got an encouraging note from the lady who interviewed me. She told me that I should wait for something more full time!

4 years later, I have my "second" interview!

4 years ago, the only person I turned to was Smoggie and he was my rock. Now, I have a few more friends than then. I did not realize how much I am surrounded by rock solid people. Since it was Thanksgiving Day yesterday, this fact hit home more so than ever before!

To start off with, G pushed me to get an all-important reference letter that was required to complete my application package. Apparently, it did the trick! A few days later, I got a call to confirm my interview date and time. That was enough for me. However, my friends decided that I need more. At this point in time, I have a friend who is investigating interview questions for me from her sources. I also have this wonderful person take time out to set up a mock interview for me. And then, both Y and C, a few hours apart, offered to be my private Uber service to the interview.

For some reason, everyone is terrified of me taking the TTC to the interview.

And I am terrified of the interview that is taking place on the 16th of this month. I shouldn't be. But I am.

On a related note, ASid hugged me like his life depended on it at the Thanksgiving lunch my brother hosted. He let me know that he is terrified at the task of filling out his University applications and that he would be nervous till he receives that acceptance letter! I hugged him tightly and assured him that he will be alright. In my head, it was more like "We will be alright kid!".

It is OK to be a little terrified. Being a little terrified allows us to find the hidden strength in us to get us through it all.

I believe both ASid and his Momley will make it.
 

Cross Country Woes

ASid has never been interested in most kinds of sports and athletic endeavours. However, on occasion, he has been known to join the Cross Country teams at his respective schools.

The first time was at his Junior High School. He was in Grade 8. It didn't make any sense to me. It wasn't peer pressure; maybe it was what they call "peer pleasure"?! Hanging out with your friends not because they are pressuring you, but because you want to!!

I still remember waking up Craigley to drive the boy to school in the wee hours of the morning for Cross Country practice. Craigley would always grumble, "Why can't he practice by starting the run from home?" It made sense, but it was too early in the day and I didn't want ASid to be the only one on the streets. So, Craigley would drive him and drop him at school that was 15 minutes of a walk from our home.

Fast forward to Grade 12 and now…

ASid informed me a couple of weeks ago that he joined the Cross Country team at his High School. Seriously, what was the boy thinking?! He was late to school 4 out of 8 school days at that point in time. How was he going to get to practice on time?! High School is an hour away from home and involves walking as well as the TTC (a bus, a short subway ride and a bus). No way was Craigley going to indulge the boy with drop offs!!

To his credit, ASid made all the necessary arrangements. Obviously, I was recruited to wake him up earlier than usual and he had his friend and friend's mom pick him up. The commitment was for 2 days a week over 4 or 5 weeks.

Day 1, the friend had to ring our bell.

Day 2, I had ASid waiting on the street for his friend and mom.

Day 3, ASid decided he was too sick to go; sent friend a text; friend rang our bell a few minutes later. (Definitely one of the 2 moms was mad!)

Day 4, ASid was officially sick!

Day 5, the friend had to ring our door bell again!

Day 6, the friend sent a text stating a preference to study for the Math test scheduled for period 1 over Cross Country practice!

That is where we are now. Week 3, Day 6! The drama of it all!!

And last night, ASid declared that he might drop Physics this semester and pursue it in night school (if necessary) next semester!! (Is that a silent scream I hear in mine own ears?!)

Given that, the Cross Country woes seem like nothing! Nothing at all!!
 

The littlest of them all!

Many years ago, when I decided to pursue Liberal Arts, my dad's only advice to me was to do my best no matter what path I choose to walk.

A few years ago, I heard about this woman who was an incredible tutor. She was in such demand that only a lucky few got to work with her. I knew I would die for a reputation like hers.

Fast forward to now and I am nowhere near where my dad would want me to be and not even close to the woman who has no more time to give!

High expectations and lofty goals; on a positive note, I still have time and I am learning as I go.

When I am approached to tutor a child, I set up a one-time free custom assessment for that child where a parent or parents are also in attendance. They literally get instant feedback as to what I can do for the child based on my observations from the assessment. At that point in time, both parties can either move forward or call it a day. I give parents time to think about it and get back to me. If I really like the parents, I will accommodate them as much as I can with scheduling. If not, I can come up with a few reasonable excuses to decline an opportunity to work with their child(ren).

The freedom to pick my work environment is important to me. At the end of the day, I am my own boss!

If all of the above seems easy, it certainly is not! I have to think about my own children and how it affects them. My home is also my work place. So, I have had to decline a few kids without even meeting them. Some, I will still meet and assess as parents are very earnest in requesting at least some feedback about how they can help their children. The rest, whom I have actually taken on, leave me with a constant fear of if I am doing the best for them?!

The ability to choose has not made my life easy by any means. Sometimes I wish I had no choice so I can blame someone else for my fears...

Over the last 3 weeks, I have been working with a 7 year old girl. I see her at 5:30 pm on Mondays. I knew when I took her on that she is shy and her mom would like her to be assertive. I was confident that I could work with this child and produce results the parent wants. Last week, I wasn't so sure of myself. This child barely cracked a smile and showed very little emotion.

As much as a writer dreads looking at a blank page without feeling an inspiration to write something, it is worse for a teacher to look into the lifeless eyes of a pupil!

Today, as ASid was about to leave for his own French tutoring session, I remarked how I feel terrible about this child who looks like she is forced to endure an hour of some horror with me. The boy looks at me and advises that I do a song and a dance and everything I can for this child before I talk that way! He was like play a game with her; make it fun for her.

First, I was like “Hey! That is my advice to you!” And then, I was like “Great advice!”

I actually decided to sing and dance if I needed to! This is a 7 year old and suddenly the littlest of them all had become my biggest challenge!

And we got through it. I didn’t dance, but I sang to her. When her mom came to pick her up, I told her that she has the next Monday off as it is Thanksgiving Day. To my surprise, the mom was disappointed and wanted a makeup session. I told her that the child would probably like a break from me and the mom said that her child looks forward to working with me on Mondays.

What?!

I wanted to tell the mom that I didn’t believe her one bit; but then the child smiled the biggest smile ever and nodded in agreement with her mom.

Even as I am writing about it here, I find that moment unbelievable. All I can tell myself is that if I continue to care as much as I do and give it my best, even the littlest of them will sense that and learn to appreciate my efforts.

I must never ever give up on the dream of becoming the woman who is so much in demand that she has no more time to give! It is achievable!

 

A Night with Light

This evening and tonight were spent with my friend C. Both her boys are now at 2 different schools and not one of them is at Hans' school. So, I don't see my friend much.

Last week, we had School Council elections at Hans' school. Just before I left home, I burst into tears as I realized that I would step out of my home and not see the cheerful face of my friend C waiting for me in her car in my driveway. I also knew I wouldn't see my friend Y when I would eventually get to school. Both ASid and Hans wondered if I had any friend waiting for me. Yes, I did. G was there and, he and I are Co-Chairs again. But G is a guy! Not to insult all the men in the world, but G is a guy’s guy! I am not sure what he would do if I ever burst out into tears in front of him?! Probably ask me to clean up and get on with it!! Maybe even pull a Professor Higgins on me and recite (note: not sing) "Why can't a woman be more like a man?".

But tonight was spent with my friend C. We both usually tend to be emotional; however, this evening, we were both giddy little girls. We mostly giggled and took nothing seriously. We first attended a kickoff event to support a fellow parent running for Trustee in the upcoming Municipal Elections. And then, we decided to go grocery shopping for fun. But somewhere in our conversation, I mentioned to C that ASid was downtown partaking in the Nuit Blanche celebrations scheduled from 7 pm this evening to 7 am tomorrow morning. And then, on a whim, we decided to join the crowds and ended up at the Aga Khan Museum. It was quite breathtaking architecture and it was a first visit for both of us. After admiring the artefacts, we felt like coffee. We ended up at Demetres at Shops at Don Mills. It was a sweet ending to a spontaneous evening.

It was the most fun I had in ages. Felt young. And I was glad that I gave permission to ASid to go out with his friends and pull an all-nighter! I hope he is out there having the time of his life.

We are truly young quite literally only once in a lifetime. We can feel young later on; but both C and I yawned half way to our coffee and couldn't wait to get home and go to bed. We made it before the clock struck 12!

To be old and wise is not a stage that all can achieve. Tonight was filled with such light!

 

Dinner Table Times

It has been a while since the 4 of us sat down for dinner together at home.

ASid has gotten into the habit of eating an early dinner with friends and skipping the one made at home. His pay cheque from his summer job has given him options! Craigley too has been eating irregularly. He has been indulging in late exotic lunches and making a simple sandwich for himself for dinner. Hans has been my only consistent customer. And yesterday, he wondered if we could go to Hero Burger?!

I figured I will take the little guy out. All I made clear was that it would be a walking expedition and he assured me that he was willing to walk for a burger. I asked him for some time as I needed to cook the chicken I had in the fridge regardless. When he heard that, he immediately decided to eat whatever I was planning on cooking.

He was like, "Your cooking is better than a burger any day!"

It was gross exaggeration. My cooking skills are limited and I am no gourmet chef.

To cut a long story short, I actually had everyone at the table for dinner.

ASid was a little under the weather and I guess he had no choice. Craigley had a "long day" at work to make an effort to make anything for himself. And although I do not eat chicken, I joined the boys with some veggie leftovers. 

As I sat down, I remarked how everything on their plates was cooked by me. At that point in time, Craigley made a comment to ASid that he probably never ate such delicious chicken at any of the restaurants he frequents with his friends?!

I was just listening. I had a busy week for someone who is mostly unemployed and I was too tired to even gloat over the generous compliment from Craigley. I was just relieved that there was mostly silence around the table and no heated conversations that ruined it all.

The best moment came toward the end when Hans popped into the kitchen as I was putting away stuff. He wondered if there were any leftovers and if so, he wanted them for lunch the next day!

That, in my books, is the real deal. And the boy made my day, my week and my month!

Dinners together may, one day, become a thing of the past for me; however, the memories will last forever. I thought I should capture one here to revisit later!

 

Disconnection Consequences

I have several drafts sitting in my Yahoo Mail that will never see the light of day as blog posts. For some good reasons, I gave up on them half way through. Following is one such draft and it has actually survived to tell a tale!

I guess I went back to the draft as I happened to be mulling over something I like to call the "Dilemma of Craigley"; however, I realized that it is not a dilemma, it is what it is! I most likely ponder over this non dilemma quite a bit since the following draft was from sometime before the summer holidays!

 

Recently, we had many issues with our provider who was responsible for the following services: Cellular, Internet, Telephone and TV. This has been our only provider in my married life up to this point in time.

In the last one year and a bit, the TV service and the Telephone service were lost a few times. But those were services I used and I somehow managed; the point to note here is that those weren't services Craigley used. So, it did not bother Craigley one bit until the Internet started acting up!

To cut a long story short, Craigley's patience ran out and he made the executive decision to change providers. One day, I arrived home to find the door ajar and 3 strangers in our home amidst furniture and stuff that had been definitely moved around. I knew right at that moment in time that life would not be the same again even if Craigley showed up a few minutes later to proclaim to the 3 men that his wife and the boss of the home was finally there to tell them all what to do!

Really?!

I should have started crying right there and then... mourned the loss of all the messages I had saved on the phone till then. The oldest was from Smoggie from about 9 or 10 years ago, and there were a few others that made me smile each time I heard them. They were all gone. And I should have lamented losing all the shows that I had PVR'd to watch leisurely over the summer holidays.

So, am I the only one who is miserable these days at our home?!

Not really. If I could be trusted to be non-biased after the above outburst, I would say that no one has been happy since the change. It is like the proverb - we have traded the known devil for the unknown!

There ends that tale.

And in recent news, we added another computer to our existing computers because it is mighty necessary. And when the printer acts up, we must fix it because really Momley is the only one who uses it.

And who is the boss?! Apparently, it is Momley!! 

Cheers.

Here comes a Dimbley!

When we were very little, my mom took my brother and me to watch a movie that she watched when she was a child! It was obviously a black and white film, but filled with wondrous magic. It instantly became my favourite movie at that point in time. My one big takeaway from that movie was the name "Dimbley"! (Obviously, I have made up a new word for the original; this blog is all about keeping everything Canadian without adding specific ethnic or cultural backgrounds into it!)

So, who or what is a Dimbley?!

Dimbley was the name given to monster children in that movie. The monster children were like Munchkins from "The Wizard of Oz". And I loved that they were called Dimbley; a word I had never heard of before!  I started calling my brother Dimbley. He was the first Dimbley. The second was ASid and the third was Hans.

What started off as a proper noun has now become a common noun!

Now that I have other children whom I tutor and spend time with, I feel like I have a whole bunch of monster children! My one little Dimbley has become several little dimblies!

I want to write about one of them today. This one has an amazingly crazy imagination. I will call her Sunny. I saw Sunny 3 times a week over the summer holidays and she is continuing with me this school year. She is a bright child and this is her first year at the CW. Given the fact that she got into an art school, I tailored my lessons a little differently for her. Along with grammar, we indulged in poetry, and along with reading, we did some creative writing. I had a lot of fun and I believe she did as well. One of the assignments I had for Sunny was to retell the Cinderella story. When we brain stormed, she wanted to make it a murder mystery and I was excited as it is my favourite genre. However, Sunny came back with a horror story. To make a long story short, Sunny's version of Cinderella ended with the prince in a torture chamber where anyone and everyone can kick him and punch him as they please. That story gave me serious goosebumps!

While Sunny is discovering her inner Stephen King, ASid has been trying to narrow down his university options. The boy does not realize how brilliant he is. He can speak both of the official languages of Canada and he is learning to speak another International language while he is in a program with a focus on Math, Science and Computers. It makes sense to combine those very different skills; however, ASid wants to explore Psychology as his Minor! That gave me serious goosebumps as well! Psychology was my Minor for my first undergraduate degree.

I do not know where Sunny's imagination will take her and I do not know where ASid will be next September, but I am so privileged to be part of the lives of my little dimblies.

And one day, maybe, they can be a series of children's books.

 

Noteworthy Remarks: Today is one of my favourite days of the year. It is September 14th and it is KPF's birthday. On his birthday, I like to write something funny or optimistic to reflect who my friend is and dedicate something small for him. With a bit of luck, today, I hope I came up with an original word that has potential to become as common as munchkin in our vocabulary!

 

Level of Maturity

G advised me a couple of times to not take what my kids say too seriously because they are just kids. I can see G's point of view quite clearly - how would a 10 or 17 year old know anything about life? Much less, for sure, when they were younger! It is a reasonable advice from a good friend. But then, if we have immature adults, why then can't there be a possibility of mature children?!

Last night, I listened in on a conversation between ASid and Hans. The older brother was talking about minimum wage and what that means in terms of one's lifestyle. ASid recruited me as a consultant to find out rental costs, grocery expenses, etc. I was happy to help. Eventually, ASid's point was that one must aspire for more than minimum wage if one wants to actually live a life beyond simply paying bills and trudging along from pay cheque to pay cheque.

It was quite enlightening, but definitely terrifying for the younger brother.

While ASid was at it, he also talked to Hans about taking initiative. For this part of the lecture, their Momley was a super star. ASid talked about how Momley takes initiative at Hans' school and how it has made a difference for Hans and other students at school.

That reminded me of a speech I heard at a dinner a few months ago. The speaker said that parental involvement at schools is supposed to enhance the student experience. Once it starts to become subjective, parents should step aside or step down. However, the reality is that there are too many personal agendas and many more power politics that parents bring to their children's schools. Immaturity runs rampant when that happens and it happens quite frequently.

So, having witnessed adults say and do unbelievably senseless stuff, I am of the opinion that maturity is not directly proportionate to age. Maturity is independent of age. And if I have to seek advice anytime soon, I would be quite comfortable running any dilemma of mine by my children.

Having said that, today, I watched "Teen Titans Go! To the Movies" with Hans. I was looking forward to the movie as I enjoy watching the series quite a bit. But the movie was a letdown for me. However, Hans stayed till the very end and exclaimed how good the movie was! He was thrilled to bits at ending his summer holidays watching some of his favourite fictional characters. He laughed the loudest through the many butt and fart references in the movie. Each time, I was reminded of how much he is still a child!

Since I am a fan of those crazy characters as well, would that make me somewhat childish and immature?! If anyone were to think that, I am the insulted!!