Collaborations and Goals

Today, I watched the first episode of Nancy Drew. At one point in my life, I had read all the Nancy Drew books published up to that point in my life! Then, I moved on to some other series. When I saw the commercials for the latest adaptation, I got all nostalgic and had to watch at least one episode!

My takeaway was unexpected. I zeroed in on the music composer for the show - Siddhartha Khosla! I have seen his name in the credits of one of my favourite shows, This is us. I already enjoy the writing for that show and lately, I started paying attention to the music as well. I realized that the music for that show adds another poignant layer to my experience as a viewer. Now, I blame both the writing and the music for the tears I shed during every single episode.

Today, I Googled Siddhartha Khosla and found out that he was roommates with Dan Fogelman during their college years. It is wonderful that they met when they did and got to collaborate later on and make magic for one viewer named Momley.

I have collaborated with a few people in my own lifetime, but the one collaboration I look forward to may never materialize. I believe it would be delightful if I ever got to work with one or both of the boys.  Hans did express a desire to collaborate a couple of years ago. I guess it could happen.

Today as well as for the last two days, I have been reflecting on my life. The recent passing away of a young mom has deeply affected me. While I am trying to find meaning in my life, I am so glad I am still able to find wonder in the world that I exist in.

On that note, I am so grateful to Phoebe Waller-Bridge for having created, written and starred in one of the best television shows I had the pleasure of watching. Even at 45, I am glad I am able to find people who inspire me. Some of them are younger than me and the one I’d like to close with is my dad - he will be 70 in 2020 and he recently received an award for the 9^th record time. Apparently, that was one of his goals before his eventual retirement!
 

Remembering the Little Things

Last night, my mom hosted a big family dinner. ASid wondered if he could bring 6 friends along. It was asking for a lot; however, my mom couldn't say no to her first grandchild!

ASid showed up with half the number! There was one girl and two boys, and none of them were from ASid's maternal ethnic background. So I felt the need to introduce family members and friends, and also ensure that ASid's friends understood the many rituals around food - how to eat and what goes with what! At one point in time, ASid quietly snapped at me. Apparently, he was explaining as well and I was simply repeating info that was already shared. I got a bit defensive, but I let it go.

This morning, I received a text message from ASid. It was an apology for "snapping a little"! I accepted his apology and let him know that he demonstrated "an ability to reflect on his behaviour, acknowledge a mistake and seek forgiveness". Then, I thanked him for his note.

Life is short. The little things matter!

This morning, another mom I know passed away. A few weeks ago, I mentioned her in a post. This was an amazing mother who had been battling abdominal cancer for a few years. There were days I would run into her on the way to school - I would be with Hans and she would be with her daughter who is a couple of years younger than Hans. The last time I saw her was last month. When I saw her, I knew that she didn't have much time. I am glad I had whatever little time I had with her and I am glad I got to hug her one last time.

Fortunately, I got to do something small for her and her daughter a few days later. I couldn't have done it all alone. I had people help me and they were all glad to have contributed toward the small gesture. We all got to seize a moment and run with it!

ASid and Hans are almost always kind and considerate. Still, I don't ever want them to forget to do the little things that make a huge difference! Here are three … make time to call a friend, take time to apologize, and always appreciate the ones who care and accept you for who you are!
 

in the pink ...

2 days ago, I was at our neighbourhood Second Cup. I had just finished chatting with a group of neighbours for an upcoming feature article for the magazine I work for. As I left the coffee shop, I called home to find out if ASid wanted me to pick up anything from Metro.

Yes, the boy is home for the Thanksgiving weekend and yes, he had invited a bunch of his high school friends over for a reunion of sorts!

It so happened that ASid was on his way to Metro. I decided to wait for him and treat him to a caffeinated beverage and do some shopping. As the boy walked in, I introduced him to the group of people I was chatting with. One of them looked incredulously at the boy and asked him, "Is that really your mother?" ASid responded in the affirmative and spent some time answering some questions and then, we got a hot chocolate for him and proceeded to Metro.

On any given day, ASid looks nothing like me. These days, he is sporting pink hair and he looks nothing like me!

ASid is still the same young man who left home a few weeks ago. Fundamentally, he hasn't changed at all except for changing the colour of his hair. However, the hair does draw a lot of attention to the boy. My only concern is about his safety. I sincerely hope that it doesn't draw the wrong kind of attention. In fact, I shared my concern with ASid who assured me that it is more or less "normal" right now to dye hair in different colours. He also assured me that it is all in fun and nothing to worry about!

I am glad that we do live in a country that is considered a safe haven for people from all over the world. It is wonderful that we have a man of colour, who sports an unconventional "hair style", hoping to be the next Prime Minister of our country. Still, some of us are not ready for such a big change. Just as some parents got worried for my boy when his friends took pictures of him and shared with the parents. There were some apprehensions about his sexual orientation and his mental health!

Rest assured. ASid is mentally sound and working toward a 4.0 GPA. He also continues to be a "boring heterosexual".

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! As always, it is the best time to be Canadian!

 

A Better World

Meanwhile, in the world of Hans, it has been amazingly amazing!

Hans loves everything about middle school. He thinks his homeroom teacher is kind and reasonable. He believes his new classmates are interesting. He actually has about half a dozen friends already.

With this transition, Hans also expressed a wish to develop a good work ethic. To that end, he has been mindful about completing his homework as soon as he gets home. A couple of times, hockey practice delayed the completion of that set task. However, he has been on track so far!

For a boy, who hasn’t had a friend at school the last couple of years, this is a wonderfully friendly time in his life. Hans has found himself in a big way in more ways than one. He has created a unique style where he coordinates a cap, a hoodie and an accessory for a distinct look. This has not only made him popular with his classmates, but has also drawn some unwanted attention.

Last Friday, a Grade 8 boy grabbed Hans’ cap and put it on his own head. That drove Hans crazy and he proceeded to wash it immediately in the boys’ washroom. In the process, he got his clothes wet and realized that he couldn’t satisfactorily wash his cap. He stashed it away in a compartment in his school bag. As soon as I saw Hans, I knew something was wrong. When I asked him how he got water all over himself and his bag, his response was that he walked through a sprinkler system. I didn’t want to argue with him and let it go. That night, he finally pulled out the wet cap from his school bag and explained what happened. As usual, my first reaction was to tell the boy how disappointed I was in him. His response was that he didn’t tell me because he was afraid of precisely that kind of reaction from me. I had to sit him down and explain to him that if he had told me the truth the very first instance, I wouldn’t react the way I did!

I had to tell the boy that he stands out with his unique style. Some will admire him and some will be jealous of him. No matter what, he will encounter both pleasant and unpleasant people. I let him know that the next time someone takes his stuff, wears it and gives it back; he can bring it home and throw it in the wash. We can deal with it together. Also, if it is the same Grade 8 boy, he should let someone in the school office know.

I gave my son another sage advice. I told him that he could simply blend in with the rest and not draw attention to himself. I wasn’t sure how he would be on the Monday after a “safe” weekend at home. Hans did dress down a bit - wore a cap and a hoodie that were “normal” and did not include the accessory! It almost made me want to cry for him. On Tuesday, it was the same. Yesterday, Wednesday, he went back to his style.

Hans made his choice. He was not going to let his fear of a bully dictate how he dresses to school. Hans will be cool in the face of adversity.

That’s what makes his world amazingly amazing!

 

Random Stuff for a Special Day

Yesterday was the 14th of September. I wanted to post something funny, but couldn't get to it. It is a day later; however, it is not too late!

Here is a random collection of awe-s:

***

Following is ASid comparing the Switch Lite to the original Switch by drawing a parallel to Hans and him:

"It is like I love you, but I think I am far superior to you."

***

"Why are dads always villains?"

Hans asked Craigley as we watched a movie together.

"I don't know."

"That's why I will never have kids!"

***

251 Pokémon identified within 5 minutes 38 seconds

- by ASid on August 4th, 2019

***

"You think we should ping ASid once a month?"

"Are you serious?"

That was Craigley suggesting that we check in on our firstborn on a monthly basis. I let him know that I will call my child whenever I want to!

Part of Craigley's professional work involves him scheduling jobs. So, I will file the above suggestion under occupational hazard.

***

ASid shows up at an ungodly hour again ... for a second consecutive Saturday night/Sunday morning. He surprised us with his newly bleached hair.

Hans had this to say, "This is why I will never have kids!"

***

Today, ASid remarked that there are so many people on a university campus. Even though he figures he knows about a hundred of them, he doesn’t really know anyone at all.

I wanted to tell him that he needs to know only a couple of them who would want to know him and be there for him. Those will be the ones who will matter in his lifetime.

However, I did not want to give him another parental pep talk. And anyways, I am sure he will figure that one out!

***

I am glad I have my few friends. This is for you KPF! Hope you had a wonderful day yesterday and I wish you the best year yet!

 

Cough Syrup, Pain Reliever and Condoms

Last Tuesday morning, I invited my friends Y and P for a coffee after the first drop-off of the new school year. As we were chatting, I mentioned my Shopper’s trip with ASid. They were both a little shocked that I would buy condoms for my son as part of his care package! They both felt that I maybe encouraging him to indulge in an activity that involves using those condoms!

I reflected on the conversation quite a bit for the next couple of days. Both my friends did not question the purchase of other items including cough syrup and a pain reliever. Would those purchases signify that I wish for my child to come down with a cough or experience a headache? No! All the purchases were there to help the boy protect himself in some way!

Almost all my friends I see on a frequent basis have boys who are a year younger or a year older than Hans, or the same age as Hans. Perhaps it is challenging for them to look 6 to 8 years into the future.

I wonder about the conversations they will have with their boys when they get there …

***

Today, at 2:45 am, I was awoken by the sound of our front door closing. After that initial sound, I barely heard anything. I had terrible visions in my head from watching all the episodes of Criminal Minds. I decided to put those negative thoughts aside and grabbed my phone, and went down the stairs to investigate. After all, I can always call 9-1-1.

The front door was closed, but I noticed a pair of shoes that weren’t there before. Then, I knew what happened. I went back upstairs and knocked on ASid’s door. From inside, I heard a voice tell me to go back to sleep!

I had an unexpected and a welcome visitor. I couldn’t wait for breakfast and I barely slept after that.

It was wonderful listening to my child chat about his first week on campus. He made new friends and he loves his housemates. He also casually mentioned that the girls are sexually active. He said that they have been at it almost every night. Apparently, each night has been a party night. There has been a lot of drinking and a lot of “hooking up”! He said that the code they agreed on in his temporary abode is to let the other housemates know so they can put on their headphones and ignore all other sounds.

As a parent, it is a lot of information to digest. As much as I appreciated the open and honest conversation my son shared with me, I was also concerned for his emotional as well as sexual safety and wellbeing.

Before I said goodbye to him, I let him know that it is his life and he can choose to live it in whichever way suits him and works for him. However, I had to let him know that sleeping with someone should be meaningful and NOT a random act induced by alcohol, or something to be taken lightly. I hoped that he would at least get to know the individual before he makes the choice to sleep with her or him.

My child was slightly embarrassed again, but assured me that he would not rush into anything. He shared that one of his best friends had the same advice for him before he moved into residence.

I am so glad that youngsters have these conversations. I am also relieved that ASid is not under any peer pressure to partake in anything he is not comfortable with. And I am glad I included those condoms. When he is ready, he can protect both himself and his partner!

On that note, I hope he will also be ready to do his own laundry someday soon. He did bring his dirty laundry home. However, I was happy to take a load off him!

 

The Epic Drop-off!

Craigley and I have been parents for 18 years and counting. In that time, we did many pickups and drop-offs. Yesterday, we got to do our biggest drop-off yet!

ASid moved into residence yesterday.

For almost a week, ASid and I have been collaborating on all sorts of shopping sprees. My friends, Y and Kay, spent some time with the newly minted adult as well. They contributed as much as they could in their own fields of expertise - Yorkdale Mall and IKEA respectively. We wrapped up the multiple trips to various locations with a final stop at Shopper's Drugmart.

At Shopper's, we picked up all essential items from shampoo and bathroom tissue to a first aid kit and condoms. When I mentioned the last item, ASid was truly embarrassed; but I assured him that he should be well equipped for all sorts of emergencies. It is also quite possible that he could end up helping a friend in need.

The closest "friends" ASid has right now are his 2 housemates - a girl from Toronto and a girl from Vancouver. He met them for the first time yesterday although he has been communicating with them online, through various social networks, over the last couple of weeks.

ASid grew up with a younger brother, and mostly he didn't have to be too considerate with his "washroom etiquette". Now, he is in a totally unfamiliar territory with not one, but two girls! I can't wait to hear all about it. I did suggest that he be as gentlemanly as possible, and work out a washroom schedule with the girls.

I have full confidence that I raised ASid well.

The day before he moved out, I showed ASid how to clean a toilet. He was appreciative; however, he had this advice for me: "Please show Hans how to clean a toilet a little earlier than this." To which, I came back with my mom's classic response: "You have the rest of your life to clean toilets.” And continued with: “I hope you enjoyed your time as a child!"

ASid will make mistakes and he will learn from them. No one is perfect!

A few weeks ago, he told us that he would see us at Christmas. Yesterday, as I said goodbye to him, I knew that I will see him a few times before Christmas.

If anyone reading this is thinking of laundry as the main reason for ASid's visits home, I would beg to differ respectfully. The boy will come back home for several other reasons that have nothing to do with a washer and a dryer!

I will keep you posted for sure and you can read all about it here!