Unwanted Views

As of today, January 1, 2020, this blog has exactly 10, 000 views. I was waiting to see when this milestone would be reached. It has nothing to do with a sense of accomplishment; it had everything to do with curiosity. Realistically, maybe only 10% of those views are related to the handful of peeps I actually invited to read the posts. The astounding 90% or so views are annoying traffic that comes from questionable sites hawking unsavoury content. This has perhaps been my only source of grief related to this blog. Other than that, I have no regrets.

Looking forward to a new year and a new decade … wishing everyone the best year yet! Take care of yourselves!

 

Airing my fresh laundry!

One of the oft repeated remarks from other parents is about ASid visiting us only because he has some dirty laundry to do! This may be true in most cases or maybe it is just an urban myth! In ASid's case, it is the latter.

ASid is home for the holidays and he got all his laundry done before he got home!

The reason I am bringing this up is because Hans was sick for over a week before the holidays and missed the last 5 days of school. I already had 2-3 loads of laundry to deal with! I was dreading adding 2-3 more loads to that! However, ASid's laundry was done and neatly folded ... just the way Momley would do it!

I am so very proud of the boy. In the 18 years that he was home, I never made him do laundry; however, we had several conversations in laundry rooms over the last 18 years! Just before he moved into residence, I did a laundry demo and got him to take some mental notes. That was enough!

Now that ASid's first semester of university is wrapped up and 2019 is almost done, I realized that I have fewer posts this year than the last 2 years. It was probably because I was busy and the boys were busy.

The boys provide the content and motivate me to write. The continued existence of this blog depends on them.

So, here is an extract from a recent conversation:

Momley: If you are on the computer and not doing your work, you are not fooling me; you are fooling yourself!

Hans: Don't worry mom! I am doing my work.

Momley: OK then! Just make sure you don't end up with a minimum wage job.

(Since ASid started university, employability has become a topic of interest. Hans has a few years, but first year of middle school has been eye opening for him. There is more homework and more teachers and more expectations. It has been a tough transition for the boy. Since it will only get tougher with high school and university, ASid and I keep giving Hans a reality check whenever it is warranted. A minimum wage job is fine if Hans is able to live with it. There is no shame if one is able to pay one's bills and live respectfully within one's means. Somehow, it may be challenging for Hans … or maybe not! Doesn't matter. Reality checks are good.)

Hans: Don't worry. I will live in ASid's basement.

(It is not like the boy takes any of the reality checks seriously!)

ASid: I will not have a basement. I will be living in a penthouse!

(That didn't sound like an invitation for Hans to live in ASid's penthouse!)

These are the kinds of exchanges I miss the most with the boys currently living under 2 roofs. Their lives are changing rapidly. ASid has a new girlfriend now. He brought her home on Christmas Day. This was the first time ever he brought a girl home.

Hans had this to say about that: Mom, this may sound a little cringe-y; but this is a Christmas miracle!

I am not sure if ASid's new girlfriend is indeed a "miracle"; however, the boys are my miracles each and every single day I live and breathe. When I write about them, it is like airing my fresh laundry!

 

On occasion, sharing information = chopping my nose

Both ASid and Hans believe that I freely share information with anyone and everyone. I believe I even mentioned it here once.

According to the boys, it hurts them more than it helps others. They haven't complained recently though; maybe they have become immune to the consequences?!

Most recently, this parent registered his son in the same hockey league as Hans'. I had provided all the details to this man. On the first day, his boy was apparently quite nervous. However, his team won over Hans' team with a 7-6 score. Hans was very kind to go to his former classmate and let him know that he played well for his first game. Last Saturday, the 2 teams met again and it was a similar result. On Monday, the other boy was apparently gloating over the win!

At the risk of coming across as petty, I felt for the first time that I shouldn't have been kind enough to share Hans' hockey league's info with that parent! The parent is great, but the child has a reputation for having a mean streak! What was I thinking?!

I do believe that my sharing information has sometimes put the boys in awkward or undesirable situations. Hans has actually endured more of it than ASid - mostly inclusive play dates that he had to host because his mom said so! I could have lied about plans but I chose to disclose information and then, ended up inviting other parents and their children.

My choices haven't been the kindest to my own children. Yet, they haven't turned out to be bitter beings. In a recent conversation with ASid, I found out that he decided to be friends with the girl who unceremoniously broke off their relationship in a text message! As a mother, I was concerned; however, I really liked the fact that ASid was able to forgive this girl and move forward positively without any animosity.

I haven't been the best parent, but the boys have turned out alright … more than alright!
 

The Dump Situation

Yesterday, my mom called me because she had a bad feeling that something was not quite right with her first grandchild. I had the same feeling as well because I had actually communicated with my firstborn and he let me know he wasn’t exactly feeling good without really divulging anything!

When too many feelings get in the way and things don’t make much sense, it is time to get to the crux of the matter.

Today, I set off on a mission of sorts with Bambino. We went to see ASid so we could be enlightened. To be honest, the boy wanted to see some family and if I could only recruit one member of the family, that would be my brother and I did.

On the way there, we speculated on a couple of reasons as to why ASid was down in the dumps. Obviously, as his mother, I had some additional info and I was right. It was a matter of the heart! I was sad and relieved at once. I felt for my boy. Then I also felt that it was a good thing as he has a lot on his plate with first year of university and he is too young to get involved with someone!

ASid’s pain was real though. Apparently, he was depressed for 3 days. Today, he was much better. It was great that he could talk about his feelings with his mother and his uncle. Bambino made him some comfort food and also, went above and beyond to unclog the one and only toilet in the boy’s residence! It turned out that all the friends that dropped in to comfort a dumped ASid decided to also take a dump in his toilet.

I guess such a tremendous show of support is worth a clogged toilet for a couple of days!

The real moral of the story is for ASid to realize that there will be heartaches galore and many opportunities to bring out the plunger; however, those are simply hurdles in life he needs to get over! While he is picking up the pieces and cleaning up the messes, hopefully he also takes the time to appreciate the people who help him get over those hurdles.

 

Collaborations and Goals

Today, I watched the first episode of Nancy Drew. At one point in my life, I had read all the Nancy Drew books published up to that point in my life! Then, I moved on to some other series. When I saw the commercials for the latest adaptation, I got all nostalgic and had to watch at least one episode!

My takeaway was unexpected. I zeroed in on the music composer for the show - Siddhartha Khosla! I have seen his name in the credits of one of my favourite shows, This is us. I already enjoy the writing for that show and lately, I started paying attention to the music as well. I realized that the music for that show adds another poignant layer to my experience as a viewer. Now, I blame both the writing and the music for the tears I shed during every single episode.

Today, I Googled Siddhartha Khosla and found out that he was roommates with Dan Fogelman during their college years. It is wonderful that they met when they did and got to collaborate later on and make magic for one viewer named Momley.

I have collaborated with a few people in my own lifetime, but the one collaboration I look forward to may never materialize. I believe it would be delightful if I ever got to work with one or both of the boys.  Hans did express a desire to collaborate a couple of years ago. I guess it could happen.

Today as well as for the last two days, I have been reflecting on my life. The recent passing away of a young mom has deeply affected me. While I am trying to find meaning in my life, I am so glad I am still able to find wonder in the world that I exist in.

On that note, I am so grateful to Phoebe Waller-Bridge for having created, written and starred in one of the best television shows I had the pleasure of watching. Even at 45, I am glad I am able to find people who inspire me. Some of them are younger than me and the one I’d like to close with is my dad - he will be 70 in 2020 and he recently received an award for the 9^th record time. Apparently, that was one of his goals before his eventual retirement!
 

Remembering the Little Things

Last night, my mom hosted a big family dinner. ASid wondered if he could bring 6 friends along. It was asking for a lot; however, my mom couldn't say no to her first grandchild!

ASid showed up with half the number! There was one girl and two boys, and none of them were from ASid's maternal ethnic background. So I felt the need to introduce family members and friends, and also ensure that ASid's friends understood the many rituals around food - how to eat and what goes with what! At one point in time, ASid quietly snapped at me. Apparently, he was explaining as well and I was simply repeating info that was already shared. I got a bit defensive, but I let it go.

This morning, I received a text message from ASid. It was an apology for "snapping a little"! I accepted his apology and let him know that he demonstrated "an ability to reflect on his behaviour, acknowledge a mistake and seek forgiveness". Then, I thanked him for his note.

Life is short. The little things matter!

This morning, another mom I know passed away. A few weeks ago, I mentioned her in a post. This was an amazing mother who had been battling abdominal cancer for a few years. There were days I would run into her on the way to school - I would be with Hans and she would be with her daughter who is a couple of years younger than Hans. The last time I saw her was last month. When I saw her, I knew that she didn't have much time. I am glad I had whatever little time I had with her and I am glad I got to hug her one last time.

Fortunately, I got to do something small for her and her daughter a few days later. I couldn't have done it all alone. I had people help me and they were all glad to have contributed toward the small gesture. We all got to seize a moment and run with it!

ASid and Hans are almost always kind and considerate. Still, I don't ever want them to forget to do the little things that make a huge difference! Here are three … make time to call a friend, take time to apologize, and always appreciate the ones who care and accept you for who you are!
 

in the pink ...

2 days ago, I was at our neighbourhood Second Cup. I had just finished chatting with a group of neighbours for an upcoming feature article for the magazine I work for. As I left the coffee shop, I called home to find out if ASid wanted me to pick up anything from Metro.

Yes, the boy is home for the Thanksgiving weekend and yes, he had invited a bunch of his high school friends over for a reunion of sorts!

It so happened that ASid was on his way to Metro. I decided to wait for him and treat him to a caffeinated beverage and do some shopping. As the boy walked in, I introduced him to the group of people I was chatting with. One of them looked incredulously at the boy and asked him, "Is that really your mother?" ASid responded in the affirmative and spent some time answering some questions and then, we got a hot chocolate for him and proceeded to Metro.

On any given day, ASid looks nothing like me. These days, he is sporting pink hair and he looks nothing like me!

ASid is still the same young man who left home a few weeks ago. Fundamentally, he hasn't changed at all except for changing the colour of his hair. However, the hair does draw a lot of attention to the boy. My only concern is about his safety. I sincerely hope that it doesn't draw the wrong kind of attention. In fact, I shared my concern with ASid who assured me that it is more or less "normal" right now to dye hair in different colours. He also assured me that it is all in fun and nothing to worry about!

I am glad that we do live in a country that is considered a safe haven for people from all over the world. It is wonderful that we have a man of colour, who sports an unconventional "hair style", hoping to be the next Prime Minister of our country. Still, some of us are not ready for such a big change. Just as some parents got worried for my boy when his friends took pictures of him and shared with the parents. There were some apprehensions about his sexual orientation and his mental health!

Rest assured. ASid is mentally sound and working toward a 4.0 GPA. He also continues to be a "boring heterosexual".

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! As always, it is the best time to be Canadian!