21 and done!

Approximately 3 decades ago, my dad bought me a biography on Lee Iacocca. Although I enjoyed fiction at that time, I read that book and liked it very much. However, recently, all I could recall from the book was that Iacocca worked for Ford and he came up with something called "31 and out". I Googled that phrase to refresh my memory and got nothing in return!

 

Maybe my memory has jumbled some details and numbers ...

 

The idea behind "31 and out", as I remember it, was to encourage employees at Ford to retire after working for 31 years! Obviously, they had incentives in terms of great retirement benefits. This also ensured employment opportunities at Ford for the next generation!

 

Obviously, I could be wrong about it all. I am working from a memory from about 30 years ago.

 

I am not entirely sure why I brought up an unreliable memory from many moons ago?! Maybe to use it as a cool segue into what I did 2 weeks ago!! On July 2nd, I resigned from my content coordinator role with the local magazine. At that point in time, I had just submitted content for the August issue which will be my 21st issue.

 

I can't believe I worked almost 2 years with the magazine. I got to learn a lot. The most valuable lesson I learnt is that I could totally use an editor for my writing. I am sure some readers of this blog would concur with me on that one.

 

Other than that, I also realized that I am not such a good writer. I am good at retelling, but I am not really creative or imaginative. The boys would love for me to be the next J.K.R; however, this is all they may end up with.

 

On a positive note, another mom, with 2 boys and who writes a blog about her life, will most likely be taking over the content coordinator role. She lives in the same neighbourhood as I do. I have read her blog posts and I think she is a superior writer than I am. So I believe the magazine will be in good hands.

 

Alright, I am no Iacocca; however, I have been inspired by him. If I hadn't called it a day, there wouldn't have been an opportunity for this other mom to try something she likes.

 

31 and out … 21 and done … whatever makes room for another.

 

Closer to 50 than ever before

With a birthday coming up, there is always an inherent need to do some life inventory. This is not really meant to be a blanket statement for all of humankind, just this one kind! 

In terms of health, I am probably doing better than what I captured in a melodramatic post from a couple of months ago. I did see a specialist twice and the official diagnosis is Palindromic Rheumatism which is not as bad as Rheumatoid Arthritis. For that, I am thankful. 

In terms of mental health, I feel like I am losing it some days. The pandemic has definitely added a bit of anxiety and paranoia to my active imagination which will take more than a few days to get back to “normal”! 

I guess that means I am alive and well and mostly in good health and good spirits. 

Before I wrap up, I just feel like sharing a moment I had with Lady A. She mentioned something about chickens that she has. She has mentioned them before; but if I don’t actually see them, it is difficult to remember something said in passing. Lady A mentioned that she gets brown eggs from her brown/red chickens and white eggs from her white chickens. We had a lengthy discussion about that by drawing parallels to race and the current conversation the world is engaged in. For some reason, I had this one question on my mind that I couldn’t wait to ask Lady A: “So you must have a rooster too?” I just assumed that a chicken needed a rooster to produce eggs! 

Lady A looked at me like I had gone mad before she calmly said, “That is such a dumbass question!” 

It was! I did feel dumb. Lady A quickly reminded me that my one dumb question is not a reflection of my overall general intelligence. I just wasn’t thinking! 

Of all my conversations with Lady A, this is the one that will stand out. The next day, Lady A sent me a text about “feeling like an idiot” when chatting with her daughter about some trendy drink. I let her know that it was OK. 

As we age, we may feel less informed than our kids. We may feel left out or left behind. We may even feel dumb at times. We just need to remind ourselves that it is OK. It is not the end of the world!

A C of despair?!

First year of middle school officially wrapped up on Friday. Hans got his report card in an email. He was very particular about viewing it first and even though I received it, I let him have the pleasure or as it turned out, the displeasure! As he gave me back my phone, he warned me that I wouldn’t be happy.

 

Hans got his first C on a report card; actually there were a bunch of Cs for French. I was expecting that result and I wasn’t unhappy. Hans’ French teacher had requested a meeting with me before March Break where he expressed a concern about Hans’ lack of interest in the language. So, I was aware that the boy was struggling a bit. Both the French teacher and I came up with a plan to help Hans do better. However the pandemic interrupted that from happening. Hans never did get that chance to work with his teacher to do better.

 

I am hoping I am able to help him over the summer holidays in some way so he is prepared sufficiently to deal with a higher level of French in Grade 7.

 

A C is not really a sea of despair that Hans seems to think he has to swim through. It is more like a wake-up call. I let him know that he only has 3 more years of French and then, he can bid au revoir to it!

 

From experience, I can confidently say that most of us do better when a subject is interesting to us. However to get to the subjects we like and can effortlessly float in, we have to wade through what sometimes seem like seas of despair!
 

The Immensely Sorrowful Pickup!

This is a sequel of sorts to The Massive Pickup! posted on March 25, 2020.

 

ASid informed me that he would need to be picked up as Mary would be leaving the country on July 1^st to spend time with her parents. Financially, it made sense for the girl to visit her home country as soon as her university made the decision to continue with online classes through the Fall term.

 

What works on a financial level does not necessarily work on an emotional level. I was devastated. In a strange way, I knew I was going to miss Mary even though I only saw her all of 3 times in the last 6 months. I couldn’t believe my reaction to the news. I was sad to see ASid leave a couple of months ago; so, shouldn’t I be happy to know he is coming home?

 

I thought I would have some time to adjust to all the mixed emotions I was feeling and then, found out that Mary would be leaving on June 12^th instead! What?! We had to go pickup ASid on June 7^th to give Mary some time to clear out her things and pack for her trip back home. I wanted to hug the child, but couldn’t because of “social distance” etiquette. I wished her a safe trip.

 

Yesterday, when Mary was at the airport, I had to send her a note before her phone number ceased to exist.

 

I sent her a message: “You may not believe this, but I am going to miss you … I hope to see you back soon …”

 

She immediately messaged back: “I will miss you too! … Thank you! I hope to see you soon as well …”

 

I hope the kids’ relationship will survive this separation. Whether it does or not, I will be grateful for the time ASid got to spend with Mary.

 

As a parent, my fondest hope is that my children will be lucky enough to find mates who will adore them and be happy to be with them. It was a dream come true to see a brief preview of my wish become a reality!
 

Black What?! Are you really listening?!

A while ago, one of my friends and I had an interesting conversation. We thought we were talking about our favourite show and then we realized that she was talking about Black-ish and I was talking about Blacklist (without “The” article). It was amazing how we were listening so intently and yet, we were listening to most likely our own excited voices!

 

And anyone who has seen both the shows will know that it is very challenging to confuse one with the other. I did end up watching a couple of episodes of Black-ish after that and I was enlightened.

 

A few days ago, it was the season finale of The Blacklist. A few minutes in and actors from the show started popping up on my TV screen in quarantine mode. I was a little disoriented and then found out that the production on the last episode was abruptly interrupted by stay-at-home orders. So, the team managed to add missing footage in graphic novel style and complete the episode. The result was quite stunning. I appreciated the fact that many brilliant minds put that episode together and that they got to wrap up the season for their audience.

 

I felt like I needed to share this with Hans. I want the boys to always think of solutions to problems without focusing too much on the obstacles in the way.

 

Hans was impressed with the smooth transitions from live action footage to graphic novel style animation and vice versa. I hope he got the message I was trying to pass onto him. We have been watching a lot of shows together. I take every opportunity to pause at times and check in with him to make sure he understands what is happening on the screen. If there are subtitles, it is a wonderful chance to quiz the boy and add to his vocabulary. I want him to be an active viewer - observe the subtleties and question the atrocities!

 

It was quite nice when Hans noticed that, in an ad, they used lesbians when they talked about flirting again! Now, he actually looks for fair representation of all cultures, races and sexual orientations in anything he watches.

 

As the boy turns 12 tomorrow, I am happy to say that he is on his way. He is not perfect. He still pees with the seat down and I find myself cautiously wiping the seat each time I plunk myself on it! He plays basketball with wads of tissue, and later, I find one or two strewn behind the garbage bin! Finally, just before he goes to bed, he talks excitedly from his room while I am brushing my teeth in the washroom and I can barely hear him! (For a good reason, I never want to confuse Black-ish with Blacklist with him!)

 

All of Hans’ imperfections seem to be connected in a strange way to the washroom! I did not realize that until I listed them above. However, they are problems with solutions!

 

I just need to pause in real life and remind him to be an active lifer!

 

MD 2020

Today, I cooked for ASid and Mary. Craigley was kind enough to drive me to Mississauga to drop off the food for the kids. It was wonderful to see them both.

 

Craigley, initially, thought it was silly that I was making the effort. It is expected, in Craigley's conventional books, that the children make the effort on Mother’s Day.

 

I think Mother's Day is about making moms happy ... doesn't matter who puts in the effort.

 

Today, my friend C called to wish me. She has been the only one who has been very consistent with texting, calling and driving by to wave to Hans and me!

 

She shared about her boys, both younger than Hans, making her coffee and breakfast. She was super happy. After the call ended, Hans expressed regret for doing nothing for me!

 

I told Hans that he doesn't have to do anything special for me for Mother's Day - he makes every day of the year special by simply being himself!

 

We have been under stay-at-home orders for about 8 weeks or so, and Hans has had one small meltdown in that entire time for which he apologized almost immediately.

 

I feel lucky, as always, for the children I have. ASid is a young man now. Hans is growing up so quickly.

 

Today, I was reminded of another young man whom I saw grow up right in front of my eyes - my brother Bambino. He dropped off breakfast for me this morning. My brother is not a nurse, a doctor, or a firefighter; however, he is an essential worker who has been reporting to work every single day while I have the luxury of staying at home and feeling safe.  Bambino has also been grocery shopping for our parents and dropping by to check on them. He makes my mom very proud. He cooked and dropped off dinner for her today. I am positive, at some point in the day, he did something special for the mother of his child as well.

 

Mother's Day is all about doing what we can to make mothers feel loved. Mothers don't really require too much really. Small deeds of kindness, in whatever little packages they are wrapped in, go a long way!

 

May, the Fourth

This year, on May 4^th, Hans was disappointed that he couldn’t physically visit a LEGO store. I let him know that we could visit the online store and look at some deals and maybe even make a purchase or two. The boy was super excited.

 

While he was waiting to finish his school work before he could visit one of his most favourite websites, I was waiting to hear back from my doctor about my test results.

 

My doctor called at 7:11 pm. It wasn’t entirely good news. Hans too was experiencing technical difficulties with the LEGO store online. He was getting frustrated and worried that he would miss out on a particular deal.

 

There were three concerns identified with my health, the worst was testing positive for the Rheumatoid Factor. What it means is that I most likely have Rheumatoid Arthritis and I need to consult with a specialist. This is an autoimmune disease and I am stuck with it forever. However, it can be managed by life style changes.

 

Hans was also optimistic that he would access a deal before the end of the day. And he did! Just a little after 10:30 pm, we were able to place an order for something that could possibly arrive sometime in September. It didn’t matter. The boy was happy.

 

However, Hans’ mom went to bed wallowing in self-pity. The only person she wanted to speak with was her friend KPF. He lives each day of his life with Cystic Fibrosis. How does he do that?

 

The next day, out of the blue, KPF sent me a text message about a new drug that is allowing him to manage his cough and shortness of breath better. He was excited about this development. I was astounded by the timing of his message. The one person I needed to connect with reached out to me! And he reached out to me with positive news!

 

KPF is perhaps the best example I know of a human being. I always feel that it is so unfair that he has CF. However KPF never makes a fuss over it nor draws any attention to himself because of it! He just lives his life.

 

That’s what I need to do. Live each day without making the disease the focus of my life. There are several fires to put out. What if Hans had been unable to connect to LEGO online on an exciting day? He would have been disappointed, but would have moved on. So we can miss the deal of the day or even the deal of a lifetime. Fortunately, there is another day and life goes on.