My brother's best friend

Sir B made an appearance on Momley Moments exactly 12 years ago. Since then, he has appeared here and there, and most notably in a post where he took ASid to his work. An edited version of that post was also published as an article in a local magazine.

The boys don’t need an introduction to Sir B or UB. My brother, who seems to be my only reader, definitely does not need a primer on his own best friend. I guess I just felt the need to provide context in terms of the space UB occupies in our lives.

Recently, it has come to my attention that UB and my brother are on some sort of hiatus. I hope they figure it out. All of this has been unexpected and has given me some cause for concern. It has also allowed me to reflect on friendships in general.

ASid mentioned once how his first heartbreak was when he had a fallout with his first best friend whom he had known since kindergarten. The friendship abruptly ended when they were in high school. Although ASid had many other friends, the loss of this one relationship affected him to no end. Fortunately, last year, this first best friend reached out to him and despite the years that had passed since, ASid was rejoiced to make that connection.

These days, I feel like I am losing some connections of my own too. However, I have also realized that if people want you in their lives, they will make an effort. If not, it is okay to let them go.

My Teaching Partner

I started my 1^st year as a contract teacher on October 10, 2024, and wrapped up on June 27, 2025. There is so much I can write about; however, I want to focus on just one person who made it the best school year. I am going to call her Miss Bean.

Miss Bean is a CYW, Child and Youth Worker, and she was my teaching partner in our classroom.  (The name I chose for her is because her last name gets mispronounced sometimes and it becomes Ma Bean or Miss Bean.) The 2 of us were perfect strangers thrown in together on October 10^th, and she didn’t have a contract yet, permanent or otherwise. It didn’t deter her from giving it all. We put together a semblance of a classroom as we waited for students and equipment to arrive.

A couple of weeks later, students started trickling in one by one. As they made their staggered entrances, Miss Bean and I started learning about them and programming for them. After we had 4 of our 6 students, the CYW position was posted online. Miss B applied and did not get it. I was devastated. I think I cried. The following week, I was at work expecting to meet the last 2 students and the new CYW. Although Miss B and I were barely together for 3 weeks, we built a classroom from scratch and made it a welcoming home-away-from-home for our students. Without her there, it felt like a sad and empty house.

That week was challenging. I had my full roster and the new CYW declared at the very end of her first day that she was overwhelmed. She had 2 young children of her own and she was drained of all her energy by our mighty 6, and she felt like she couldn’t go home exhausted at the end of each workday, and so she decided to quit at the end of that week. Imagine my horror!

I immediately reached out to B, and she didn’t seem very enthusiastic about coming back. She felt she didn’t get the job because she wasn’t deemed competent by the powers that be. Since it was a situation of urgency, there were others who reached out to B as well. Finally, we all convinced her to return. The day she came back was the best day of the school year. After that, even the most challenging day was a walk in the park.

In a classroom, with students who have special needs, staff need to trust each other and make students the centre of focus. B and I were able to do that. One of our students told us that we were like her “parents at school”. The real parents were happy as well. It was a wonderful school year.

Today, Miss B will find out if she has an interview to get back to her job for the upcoming school year. I went to sleep thinking about it and woke up thinking about it. I want us back together in our classroom on September 2, 2025. Recently, my work has become an essential part of my being. I can give it everything and always feel appreciated in return. Half the credit goes to B, and I hope to come back here to share some good news. There are all sorts of heartbreaks, and I am hoping desperately to avoid this one.

The MOST expensive ride in recent times

I went on a whirlwind trip to Ottawa. I left Monday morning and came back Tuesday evening. The trip was positive as I spent time with whom I perceive to be the best person I know, my friend KPF, and I also spent time with ASid’s best friend.

This post is nothing to do with what transpired in Ottawa. It is about 2 rides I took in Toronto. The first ride was on Monday morning to Union Station. The UBER trip cost me under $30 including tip. On the way back, I emerged exhausted from the very station and literally got swarmed by taxi drivers. I was too tired and decided to take one up on the offer. As I made myself comfortable, the taxi driver calmly informed me that the cost is $70 if I pay cash and $74 if I pay with a credit card. I believe I should have taken that moment to exit that cab. However, I must have been super tired. I stayed put and told the guy I am good to go!

As the trip commenced, I casually checked on UBER and realized that it would have cost me around $30 like the day before. So, I asked the taxi driver why they would be charging more than double of what the other service charges?! Why would anyone even want to hail a taxicab?! The taxi driver talked about how the City sets the rates and he likes the security it offers. Apparently 2 bad reviews on UBER and you can’t work for them anymore. Through this exchange, he must have felt a tiny bit of remorse as he offered me a senior's discount which he claimed was the most he could do since he realized we are all going through tough times. So, the final offer was $65. I was like “Hey, I don’t want to take money away from you. I am okay with whatever!”.

We eventually got to my building. I get handed the machine. I see the discounted amount and I see 4 tipping options … the first of which was 25%. I was like “seriously?” and the taxi driver was like “there is a custom option” and I told him that I will use that to give him back the discount. And that was my best offer.

I got home to my apartment with no air-conditioning, but the warmth I felt was welcoming as that taxi ride left me cold.

Tragic Scenarios

Finally, I am reading a book! It was gifted to me by ASid. I mentioned this book here and must have talked about it enough for him to buy the book for me. In the book, he inscribed these words:

To my darling mother, who always finds the joy in tragedic scenarios! - Your son :) Jan 4 2022

I think he was going to write “tragedies” and changed it to “tragic scenarios”. Even he may not remember why he did that. I am guessing the first choice is perhaps very general and it could be misconstrued as finding joy in tragedies like Greek drama or King Lear, whereas the edited choice comes across as more personal.

The inscription made me realize how well my son knows me. And it also made me realize how I have been avoiding my own tragic scenario. I have been ignoring the broken parts of my life and trying to find joy anywhere and everywhere.

The truth is that sometimes there is no joy to be found … the sense of relief that is felt, at whatever period later, is a satisfactory substitute!

So, what are you?

Today, I went out for lunch with a former colleague. She is “former” because she has been surplussed and deployed elsewhere for the upcoming school year. I wanted to thank her for something kind she did a few weeks ago.

My way back home from work consists of a 15-minute walk and about 45 to 60 minutes on the bus. It was a rainy day, and my teaching partner offered to drop me off at a bus stop, as she does sometimes. In the parking lot, we met this “former” colleague who insisted on dropping me off as she was driving farther than my partner. It was a feel-good-moment for me, to have 2 offers! I went with the better offer, I guess. And then, to my immense surprise, this lovely woman drove me all the way to my home. It was a 40-minute ride, and I knew it would be a longer ride for her to get back to her own home which is closer to our work.

How do I properly thank such a person? I decided to never ever forget her kind gesture. But also decided to take her out for lunch. I reached out to her the other day and asked her to choose the place as well as date and time. She did and we were at this lovely French café today and we got acquainted.

Part of our conversation revealed something that is a little unsettling within the special education realm. There are teachers and there are support staff, and sometimes they socialize outside of work; but mostly keep interactions within the classrooms.

So, when I reached out to her, she was apparently surprised and exclaimed to her mother that she couldn’t believe that Miss Momley wanted to spend some time with her! Her mother wasn’t impressed with her being so shocked and asked her why I was so special. Her response was that I am a teacher and she is just support staff. Her mother told her that we are both human beings and that’s that!

I agreed with the mother. Wouldn’t it be nice to NOT have such perceived hierarchies? And I also had to remind myself that I know some support stuff who believe that most teachers would flail and fail if not for them. All this backhanded bickering sometimes creates a stressful environment for everyone. So, the question to truly ask is “why are we here?”.

A Pretty Face

About 4 years ago, my cousin’s daughter arrived in Toronto, with a full scholarship to a graduate studies program at York University. Until that moment, my parents had 3 grandsons and since then, they also have a granddaughter. For me too, it was an opportunity to broaden my horizons and stop being just a “boy-mom”!

So, this lovely young lady, recently graduated from the program and is currently looking for a job. I had lunch with her the other day. She let me know that she now has some time to date. She also informed me that she had already been on one date. Obviously, I was excited for her and wanted to hear all about it.

She didn’t want me to judge her in any way. She was afraid she would come across as pretentious. It turned out that she went out with someone who is an electrician. The fact that she did was a good sign, from any perspective, as her studies were in virtual reality. I mean, you never know who will end up being your soulmate. It is not what they do, but who they are!

Anyways, at the end of the date, she felt like he wasn’t her “intellectual equivalent” and that was it. This was the part she was afraid I would judge her on! But I did not. I thought it was incredibly brave of her to be so honest with me. Then, I gave her my 2 cents. Conversations are important between people - if we can’t connect at that fundamental level, all other connections don’t add up to much eventually. I mean you can only look at someone for that long!

Really, who am I to give any advice? And yet, I did. We shouldn’t be afraid to make mistakes, but we also should not be afraid to choose what works for us. I can’t imagine, but it must be unbelievably challenging to look at a pic, read a profile, and take a chance. So, why not take as many chances as one needs?

When this young woman has her entire life ahead of her, what is the rush? All the pretty faces can wait! 

Happy? Content?

Recently, I had lunch with someone whom I have known for many moons; however, I had never had an opportunity to have a one-on-one lunch with this someone. It is interesting how I think I know people, but I guess I don't know them as well as I'd like to believe. Well, I am glad I made the time, and I am happy with the reacquaintance of sorts.

A day prior to the aforementioned lunch, I had another lunch with a teenager and his parents. The lunch materialized because of yours truly waiting for a pizza and having a run-in with the dad. We started talking about the boys. Their boy is 2 years older than Hans. Then, the conversation led to the older generation. Eventually, the dad wanted to know what Craigley was doing. At which point, I had to let this gentleman know that Craigley and I hadn't been together for almost 3 years. He was visibly shaken, which was an unexpected reaction, and seeing such a response from a relative stranger also got me emotional. This man insisted that I meet his wife who was waiting in their car in the parking lot. So, I ended up catching up with his wife as well. She burst into tears, and it was weirdly therapeutic. I did not realize that people cared that much about me. So, I agreed to have lunch with this family.

I don't remember having a meal with an entire family by myself. I mostly chatted with the mom and their son who is 19 now. I recalled the child from when he was 6 years old. He was at ASid's school in French Immersion, and he was having a challenging time. I suggested to the parents to visit Hans' school and see if that could be a better fit for their child. And it was! The boy was there for 5 years, and he told me that those were his best school years. He also told me that he enjoyed his first year of university. He wanted to know how Hans was doing. I shared with him that Hans and I needed some time, but we are happy now. And this young man was like "but are you content?".

As a Gen Xer with 2 Gen Z kids, I get annoyed quickly when I am asked questions like that! I don't want to make any blanket statements, but it feels like these kids seem to think they are more enlightened than every generation that came before them!

So, am I content? I guess. What I concluded from 2 very different lunches was that I need to get out more and spend time with people and get updates on lives that I don't see daily. Reconnecting like that is a good reminder of how I might have impacted some lives, and it is a wonderful opportunity to allow others to impact my life.