Making connections and making sense

On the 4th of August, 2016, Hans made up a couplet. I immediately typed it up and sent it to myself. A few days ago, I was looking through some email I sent to myself over the years and found his sweet little poem. Here it is:

Smile like the wind is blowing in your hair‎;

Because all the dirty stuff can get out of there!

I don't remember why he said those words. Maybe I was sad or maybe he was being silly...

It does not matter; a few days ago, when I read it, it made sense in a strange way.

The very next day, I also watched "Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind" for a second time. I loved it just as much as the first time.

Maybe because it is the end of another year and maybe because this year has been such a Dickensian year, Hans' couplet and Alexander Pope's quote from the movie stayed with me. I mean Hans is nowhere in the same league as the latter, but sometimes an 8 year old's ramblings are just as poignant!

2018 has been a year of wins and losses. Yes, I am somewhat employed which is better than not employed at all. But I had to give up work that I really did enjoy doing. On the same note, I gained a friend and lost a friend. I guess it is almost like a balancing act from a purely logical perspective, but from an emotional point of view, a loss is a loss and there is sorrow attached to it even if a gain is a thousandfold better.

But my memories keep them all intact and I wish I could pick and choose what I want to remember. If it was as simple as "wash that man right outa my hair" or go through a procedure to erase painful memories, I would most likely enjoy washing my hair even more or willingly go in for mind numbing surgeries!

Alas, life ain't that simple.

So, as 2018 is coming to an end, I would like to remember all the pain and the joy.

And I want 2019 to be the year when ASid gets that acceptance letter to the program of his choice at the University of his Choice. It may take him away from home, but I want him to fly and explore the world on his terms and discover new interests and make new friends. I will definitely feel some pain in the process, but ASid's joy will be worth it! Obviously, I will be overjoyed as well and the boy will be pained a bit!

Such is life and I am glad that life is complicated that way!

 

My First Tweet!

At exactly 3:33 pm today, I tweeted for the first time and it had everything to do with First LEGO League. Today was the tournament and Hans' team was 8th out of 23 teams at one point in time. It was such an amazing accomplishment that I had to scream it out in some way and I did - I tweeted! Not exactly a shout out, but the best I could with what I had at my disposal.

Eventually, the team finished in 10th place. However, they won an award in one of the categories. This was the one I talked about a few days ago in a post. It had to do with Core Values. Hans’ team won second place. The award is given to the top 2 teams that display the Core Values of Inspiration, Teamwork and you guessed it...Gracious Professionalism! 

It was an incredible moment.

The smallest and the youngest team demonstrated that nothing is impossible. The way they came together was unbelievable. They were honest about their weaknesses and proud of their individual strengths. 

They were so good that I tweeted a couple of more times.

I sincerely hope I haven’t caught the Twitter bug! But I may tweet again when the going gets good!

 

Dreaming while awake...

2 days ago, I had planned for a different day; however, it worked out very well the way it unfolded.

It started off with this 3 hour session in the morning where I was in a room with maybe 50 other "eager beaver" types who seemed excited to have been hired for a job that allows you to work only if you are needed and if a few others before you have most likely declined to work that day! I could explain that in detail, but why bore anyone with mundane information?!

What I will remember from those 3 hours is meeting this young woman. This one was maybe half my age with a sparkle in her eyes. Her mom dropped her off and she had a snack she pulled out half way through the session. That is the only thing I envied about her - that she is still a child in some ways and has a parent thoughtfully taking care of her!

Some days, I wish I was still a child. But then again, I love being a parent to my own children. I love my life the way it is.

And while I was reflecting on my life amidst paperwork, I received a sincere text message from my friend P. The first issue of the magazine I worked on was delivered to some homes around my neighbourhood. (The rotating postal strike has been an annoyance, but more power to our postal workers!)

P's text message was the first comment ever on my written work that is now in print. So, I want to share it.

"I just read your work. Wonderful and touching piece. Keep up the good work!"

P, coincidentally, was also the first person to hear about my job offer from my "second" interview. I was with her when I received the news. And I had burst into tears out of sheer relief and happiness!

So, 2 days ago, it became a bit real to me as I was filling out forms which were a consequence of my accepting the above job offer.

Most of my life, I have wanted to write and teach. I started writing when I created this blog; my children inspire me to write on a daily basis. But actually seeing my work in print was a dreamlike moment. And soon, I will be teaching in a classroom! It still doesn’t feel entirely real.

So, for the last 2 days, I have been walking around like I am in a dream. These have been the best couple of days of my life in a long time.

Noteworthy Remarks: Many moons ago, I believe I bought a book titled "Why do bad things happen to good people?" or something like that! That was how I felt then! Now, I believe that "good things come to those who wait"! It has been a long wait, but worth every second that went into it.

Never ever give up on your dreams. And when they come true, enjoy that feeling of dreaming while awake!
 

The Horror of it All!

Had an interesting day with 3 of my children - 2 biological and 1 tutorial.

Hans has been watching a series of YouTube videos recommended by a classmate. I watched a bit with him and although funny, the videos are super stereotypical of a certain culture. On the way to school, Hans couldn't stop talking about it and laughing about it. And then coincidentally, we met up with the very same classmate who recommended the series to Hans, and both the boys immediately started talking about a particular episode and burst out into laughter.

I wasn't entirely sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing to laugh at a stereotypical depiction of a culture even if it was being depicted by a person from that culture?!

ASid, on the other hand, was sick and was home. He decided to share his conversations with his classmates and friends with me. He started off by saying that it was great that Hans was at school so he could openly talk with me. What was he going to talk about?! Apparently, they are talking about "pleasuring oneself"!! At one point in my life, Smoggie couldn't get me to say the word sex; I would always choose to spell it out and I was well into my 20s. And here I was, chatting candidly with my teenage son about a certain type of sexual activity and finding it strangely normal.

Again, I wasn't entirely sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing to discuss a sexual topic with my 17 year old even if it was being approached from a purely scientific and statistical perspective?!

Finally, there was Sunny, my young Stephen King in the making. This one bounces of the walls and says ridiculous stuff. She decided today that it would be interesting to kill me. Then, she decided that I was offended by what she said, and gave me permission to kill her. I looked at her and suggested that she should write about it. I started off by letting her know that she already has a protagonist and an antagonist. She didn't know what those terms meant. So, I proceeded to explain to her. I told Sunny that the tutor could be a protagonist if she kills an evil student, but an antagonist if she kills innocent students. Sunny got all excited about writing this horror story. We brainstormed and titled her story "Twisted Tutor". Of course, she made me the antagonist!

Was it a good thing or a bad thing that I encouraged a 9 year old to write a horror story?! In this case, I have an answer. Sunny's mom was a little horrified that her daughter picked the theme she picked; however, she was delighted that Sunny looked radiant after her first real attempt to write a horror story.

I couldn't have asked for a better day. 

Spending time with young, inquiring minds that are brimming with curiosity and creativity is an opportunity for me to learn and grow in my dual role as mother and teacher. Giving validity to my kids' concerns and interests is all about providing an opportunity for them to share and mature. If they can share with me, then they are comfortable with the subject. And if I keep an open mind, we are set for life.
 

Recollecting that First Step!

There was one school year when Bambino and I were away from our parents. I was 8 years old then and Bambino was 6 going on 7. Even at that age, I felt a great responsibility towards my brother given that my parents weren't physically with us. I made it a point to help the little guy with his homework. That was the year he won an award for Science or some subject at school. It was not because I took it upon myself to tutor him, but because he was a naturally brilliant kid. 

I would not want to take away anything from Bambino's achievements. In fact, I want to give him credit for my most recent achievement. A few hours ago, I received a job offer for a teaching position in the biggest school board in Canada. And it felt like the journey that I began with Bambino many moons ago in my grandpa's home has finally reached an end and a new beginning!

Bambino is most definitely my very first student. Helping him with his school work was perhaps also my first "volunteer work". It led me to helping other kids younger than myself. And eventually motivated me to get that degree in Education!

My brother has always stood by me like a giant with all my decisions and especially with my decision to stay at home even when barely anyone supported it. He believed in me like he believed in me when he was barely 7 years old. In his head, I am his super sis and now, a super mom.

I want to thank little Bambino and I want to thank the man he has become. If I am the confident woman and mother that I am today, he has definitely contributed to it. And my boys are the biggest beneficiaries.

I called, emailed and texted a few friends and family with my good news. All of them have played parts in my journey, but my brother has played the most important part - I took the first step with him!

Thanks everyone and thank you Bambino!
 

Multiple "Missions" Accomplished

This year, at Hans' school, they formed the very first FLL team. FLL stands for First LEGO League. The team started off with 7 kids and 2 dropped out almost immediately. The remaining 5 have hung on for dear life. Hans is on this “pioneer” team.

The 5 team members are 9 and 10 year old kids. There are 2 girls and 3 boys. Each of them have a distinct look and also have a distinct cultural/ethnic/racial background. However, in spite of all their differences, they have banded together to do some cool robotic missions together.

Today, they had a practice tournament and I got to be part of it. I have been at LEGO League tournaments before with ASid. So, the robotic part was not new. The new experience was the practice aspect of it all. I especially enjoyed sitting in on the teamwork part of it.

A young mentoring team of Grade 11 and 12 students asked the 5 kids to split themselves into 2 teams. And predictably, they divided themselves into 2 teams of 3 boys and 2 girls each respectively. Much confusion and humour ensued from this partition of the core team. The kids got to learn valuable lessons about teamwork. Then, they had this "interview" session where they were asked a few questions. The most interesting was, "What is your understanding of Gracious Professionalism?"

At which point, all 5 kids exclaimed with:

"Never heard of that!"

They were encouraged to think about it and arrive at an answer and they were able to mumble something about being professional!

I got curious and checked out the phrase. Turns out it is a phrase that is registered under FLL's Core Values. It had another interesting word registered as well - Coopertition. I guess that would be cooperative competition.

At the end of the day, I got to learn along with the kids. They were no less than graduate students in terms of all the research they had to do. They had to also plan their design. On top of that, they had to learn to code and program. They had to solve problems when their designs failed and their coding/programming didn't function as planned. But above all, they had to work together. And they did!

Hans, when he joined the team, absolutely believed that it was all about building cool LEGO structures. When he realized how much "boring" work was involved, he almost quit. Today, I am sure he was happy that he kept at it. Next month is the actual tournament. I will definitely be there to cheer Hans and his teammates on.

And I will never forget their answer to the very last question they were asked as a team: "What is so special about your team?"

They almost replied in unison like they had practised it several times before!

"We are the youngest and the smallest team!"

But they showed tremendous growth in one day. They went from bickering with each other to helping each other. 

In that sense, one mission accomplished!

 

Toothy Issues and Life Lessons

Today, I had an interesting schedule. A morning coffee meeting followed by lunch with Lady A and then finally, a dentist's appointment.

At lunch, I mentioned to Lady A about My Selfie and the criticism that ensued by sharing it with people (whom I believe are mostly my friends). I showed the Selfie to Lady A and she supposed that it could have used better lighting; something that Craigley pointed out as well. Lady A decided to take my picture for me. Anyone else, I would have objected to; however, this is Lady A - the person who plucked me out of Anonymity and thrust me into Spotlight. She believed in me when no one knew me. And I believe that I can always trust her when it concerns my wellbeing!

So, we set off from lunch to her home where she decided to do a photoshoot with me.

I never ever thought I would find a camera in my face a delightful experience. Lady A was a pro. Before I knew it, she had me smiling and making faces. I don't really remember baring my teeth that much to anyone recently!

And Lady A kept saying something like, "Those mean people! How could they say that about your teeth?" And I was like, "Yeah! I want a toothy picture for my next issue!"

And that's what it will be. With everyone wanting to fix my teeth, I had almost become afraid to smile. 

And talking of teeth, I had this pain on the left side of the inside of my mouth for a couple of weeks now. I kept ignoring it as there are always things to do. I had no time to take care of my pain. Then, the pain increased! Last 3 days have been hell. I couldn't sleep and I was a mess. Finally, yesterday, I confided in my friend C that I am in severe pain. She gave me an Advil and suggested I call my dentist right away! I mean, that is common sense but I needed someone to say that to me!

Today, I had my dentist's appointment. It turns out it is my “doubly done” root canal and one wisdom tooth! I actually identified those problems already. However, that doesn't make me smart at this point in time.

While reflecting on all of the above, I came to the realization that I have a high tolerance for pain. I deal really well with physical, mental and emotional pain! I deal well with pain till it is gut wrenchingly unbearable. When that happens, then I make a painfully slow move toward a solution. That is something that needs to change. Why must I put up with pain? No one should put up with pain!

“Thank you Lady A for finding a happy smile with my teeth that need to be fixed! Thank you New Dentist for patting my head and reminding me that I need to take care of me! You both made me feel like a child who is loved!”

One who knows me so well and one who knows me not at all...both of them, in their own ways, reminded me that life is too short to walk around with pain in my heart and in my teeth!