Meanwhile, on whatever planet Hans is on …

... Life was being lived.

Here is what has happened with the shoe situation!

ASid, who said he would buy a pair of shoes for his brother, was busy packing and moving the last few weeks. His girlfriend and he moved into a rental place that they co-signed together over the Thanksgiving weekend. After the move, ASid has been busy unpacking and settling in! So, Hans decided to buy his own shoes. He got them shipped, with the help of a friend, from a country that does an amazing job with knockoffs. He got 2 pairs in 2 colours - black and white. I asked him to wear them and walk around. He said the white ones are not that comfortable and the black ones were. (They looked the same to me.) So, I asked him what he was going to do. He said the white pair were for style and he will use them for the short walk to school. Then, he will switch to the black pair while at school. The plan made no sense to me. Hans was like "trust me mom" and I was like "okay, kiddo"!

Since then, I have come home and seen the 2 pairs sitting sadly at the entrance while the boy continues to use his hol(e)y pair.

And here are couple of his culinary escapades!

- he broke a sturdy spatula while trying to make a grilled cheese sandwich and sent me an apology note. That spatula outlived my marriage, but Hans decided to put it to rest.

- he did something with a noodle bowl in the microwave that didn't exactly work out. So, he got rid off the "evidence" and made no mention of it. However, I found the interior top of the microwave covered in black 'soot', and I found the 2 small packs of oil and seasoning that came with the noodle bowl neatly displayed on the kitchen counter.

(Hans' current favourite show/character is Dexter. And I am like "did Hans not learn anything about cleaning up a crime scene thoroughly?".)

I guess he figured I would miss the spatula, but not a noodle bowl?!

Finally, here is what happened with Hans and Hockey!

The boy who hasn’t played hockey in a league for 2 to 3 years, suddenly decided to try out for his school team! It made no sense to me. I am usually up by 5:30 am and on my way to work by 7 am. I enjoy my leisurely morning ritual. It was abruptly interrupted one morning as Hans woke up at 6 am to leave for the try-outs at 6:30 am. It was like 2 universes collided at an ungodly hour. 

Quite predictably, Hans didn’t make the team. I wanted to know what insanity drove the boy to try out for his school team in his last year of high school?! His response: “I will take free ice however I get it!”.

On any given day, I am so glad I have this boy of mine. He makes me smile. I am happy to be on whatever planet he is on!

Finally …

Yesterday was the worst workday ever. Michael forgot another student … this time on the playground. I had to run out and retrieve her. Michael didn’t take any responsibility, and I was livid. Then, he did not support the prep teacher and asked me to do his job of writing journals with the students and bussing them! Apparently, he had a deadline, and he was stressed out!

The man sat in front of the device on his desk the entire time all the above transpired!

I did not say anything to him yesterday as it was his stepdaughter’s birthday and he had a family dinner planned. And then I ended up not attending my parents’ anniversary dinner as I didn’t want to ruin their evening with my frustrations.

This morning, I knew it was my ‘do or die’ day.

It was my 1^st field trip with my students, and I wanted to enjoy it, but first I needed to get all the negative feelings out of my way. So, I spoke with Michael before the kids arrived. I told him how much I dislike having such conversations. I told him that he clearly needs to communicate with me about where his head is at because his behaviour from the day before was confusing. I told him some other stuff.

I felt so relieved after that. I did not need a posse; I was good enough on my own.

With those words of confidence, I will rest my case. I am tired of writing about this man who will perhaps never change. And I hate how this seems to have taken over my life. I need to get back to happy thoughts. And the happiest thought right now is that I had the best field trip with my students today. I did not know what to expect, but they came through. Even my littlest one, who is a flight risk and who is on a safety plan, was kind to everyone and enjoyed the day!

I guess there is still hope for some of us …

I want Momley Teacher!!!!

Those were (not exactly) the 4 words that got me to finally start the conversation with Michael.

The 4 words (actually) uttered by one of my work kiddos - not once, but twice, on 2 different days … got the ball rolling. Both the times, we were outside for recess, and this little guy wrestled with Michael and ran towards me and held my hand and happily walked with me. The first time, Michael looked perplexed. The second time, he wondered why the little guy would say that?! Then, he comforted himself by remembering that the parent mentioned their child gravitated to females more than males!

I simply listened and decided that I really needed support to get Michael to reflect on not just that one situation, but on all the other situations in our classroom.

Before I continue, I want to say thanks to the boys’ UB who suggested that I talk directly to Michael (and perhaps not have conversations with everyone else about Michael!). Obviously, I have condensed several words of wisdom into that one ‘sort of sentence’, but that was the gist of it.

So, I approached the other ISP team and asked if we could have a team meeting. I couldn’t just walk up to Michael and talk about all the deficiencies in the way he fulfills his role as a CYW. Fortunately for me, the other 2 had some grievances as well and were happy to have a meeting. This morning, Michael realized that he needs to do more than what he is doing right now. I hope the realization leads to some action.

After the meeting, Michael acknowledged that he is happy to work with me, and he couldn’t imagine working anywhere else. He said he likes our classroom. I felt the need to remind him that Ms Bean and I worked hard to get the classroom to where it is now. And we must continue to keep at it. That was literally the message I had for him.

At the end of the day, I couldn’t believe how easy it was for a 7-year-old to ask for what he wanted; in fact, demand it! And it took me several days and a couple of conversations with friends and a few posts here and a little dilly-dallying to finally ask a person to do what he needs to do!

When someone reminds you of someone else … and it is NOT the best reminder!

I won’t go into details; but recently I had a conversation about PTSD and Craigley ... and realized that Michael reminds me of Craigley … basically not a bad guy, but a seriously clueless guy!

(Something happened today in my classroom that reminded me of something that happened about 17 years ago … and I was inspired to write this post.)

A few weeks after Hans was born, we decided to go to a restaurant with my mother and Craigley’s parents. We were in 2 cars. We found a parking spot right in front of the restaurant and we let Craigley’s parents have it. Craigley decided to drop us off, park his car down the street, and come back with Hans who was in a detachable infant car seat. A few minutes later, Craigley walks into the restaurant and the five of us who were waiting shouted in unison, “where is the baby?”. Craigley forgot baby Hans in the car and just sauntered in. Even after he received all the distressed looks, he leisurely walked out to get Hans.

Craigley still looked sane while the rest of us looked insane!

Today, I came back to my classroom halfway through my lunch break. I like to do that because I only need 20 minutes to eat, and I’d rather hangout with my *work kiddos* for the rest of it. As I walked in, I was pleasantly surprised to see them lined up and ready to go outside for recess. Michael looked like a thorough professional. Then, I was like “where is kiddo A?” and Michael looked like he lost her and then realized that she was in the other ISP classroom. So, I told him to leave with the 4 who were ready, and I would bring the 5^th one out when she is ready. Michael insisted on leaving together. By the time the involuntary straggler was ready, the other 4 started acting up. One of them flopped to the floor and refused to get up. Michael wanted them all nicely lined up, and eventually they did, and this is what he said verbatim, “It took you all 8 minutes to get ready and it is almost November!”. When he said that, he looked ridiculous to me.

If Michael hadn’t forgotten a student, they would have already been outside!

A school year is 10 months. It has barely been 2 months, and I am beginning to lose my patience. I hope Michael gets a clue soon or it will get ugly! I am fiercely protective of all my kids. If anything will get me to be confrontational, it would be incompetence and the inability to apologize for its consequences.

Thanksgiving Sunday

Yes, I know that the Canadian Thanksgiving Day is always on the 2^nd Monday in October. However, my family always celebrates on the Sunday and takes Monday off! That’s the best bit about being Canadian. There is no one way.

Hans said that he had the best day yesterday as he spent the day with people who matter the most to him. Hans was with Craigley in the morning. He spent the day with my side of the family in the afternoon and evening, and he slept over at his friend’s home with his peeps whom he calls the ‘Core Four’. Hans got home this morning, and he was happy with his life.

Almost 3 years ago, When Hans and I moved into our apartment, I was worried for the boy and how he was going to survive all that was thrown in his way. I am happy to say that he turned out splendidly.

In another beautiful coincidence, I just watched the ending of S6 E1 of ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ titled ‘Train’. It gave me goosebumps ... because there is no better joy than knowing your child is safe ... there is no better joy than knowing your child is going to be alright.

Happy Thanksgiving Day, everyone. Have a splendid day!

I legit lost my mind … for a few days!

In my last post, I mentioned how my principal requested a DQ ice cream cake for her birthday. I also wrote about how I picked it up and had it in my freezer ... between then and now, I managed to transfer it to the freezer at my work, and today, it was beautifully cut into 20 slices by my principal and eaten by all.

So, how did I lose my mind?

I will go back to Monday to answer that! I got to DQ and was confused by all the options they had. When did they get 'Jamocha Almond'? And so many other flavours?! When it was my turn to order, I asked them if they could make the original with fudge crunch? They were like "what?!". So, I explained to them that I want the classic ice cream cake. The lady patiently asked me what flavour of ice cream I wanted. I told her vanilla with the fudge crunch. She was like "we will do the vanilla ice cream cake with the fudge on the top".

I sent this note to my principal:

Ms Principal,

 

The DQ ice cream cake has been ordered. It was so complicated ... so many varieties now. I told them I need the classic and I hope that's what they make!!

 

Just an fyi. Have a good evening.

Today, when she saw the cake, she seemed pleased. When she cut into it, I did not see the fudge crunch. Then, someone asked where the cake was from? My principal responded "Baskin Robbins".

Then, it hit me ... almost 5 days later ... that I went to Baskin Robbins and not DQ, and I was the crazy woman and NOT the wonderfully patient woman who took my order!!

This has never happened to me. How could I have confused BR with DQ?! How did I have a few conversations about the ice cream cake and each time, I said DQ?!

Fortunately, my principal loved the cake, and everyone enjoyed it too.

If it ended well, does it mean all is well?!

One Year Job Anniversary

The 1^st day on my current job was Thursday, October 10, 2024. I didn’t know then, but my principal celebrated her 50^th birthday on the very same day.

This year, October 10^th is a PD Day. Yes! Barely 2 months into the school year, and it is the 2nd ‘Professional Development’ day already!! It is probably because the government took over TDSB or maybe some other reason, but now teachers must show up in person on all PD days. So, I decided to celebrate my 1^st anniversary by treating the staff to a breakfast. Food always brings cheer to even the most mournful of gatherings. Then, I thought it would be nice to bring a cake for my principal. I didn’t want to surprise her and asked her to name her favourite cake … turns out it is a DQ ice cream cake!

Since I asked, I had to deliver. I am not sure why I make my life unnecessarily challenging … I don’t have a car. Imagine a person carrying an ice cream cake, and walking to the plaza and lining up at ‘What a Bagel!’ on a Friday morning to pick up 24 bagels, 24 bourekas and some cream cheese … yes, that would be me. Since I imagined it first, I didn’t want that to be me! So, I ordered the cake on Monday and picked it up a few minutes ago. I will take it to work tomorrow morning, so my hands are free on Friday morning!

I also had to rearrange my freezer so I could fit the cake in it. I made it work!

I feel an insane amount of joy when I share food with people. Just felt like writing about it since I have been such a tragic figure in the last few posts … I am done with that now!

My Loud Voice

I am usually a calm person, and in my classroom, I am calmer than usual.

Today, I was talking with the other ISP teacher, and my littlest one decides to pick that moment to start punching me. I waited for dearest Michael to step in. Then, I lost it!! I used my *loud* voice and told the child to stop punching Ms Momley Teacher!! The child was shocked and so were the other staff, including Michael. No one had heard *that* voice before. The child literally ran away from me, and Michael went to ask her if she was okay and if she needed a break. The child was astute enough to decline his offer. I couldn't have been prouder of her at that moment in time.

A few minutes later, we did our quick check-in with Zones. For the 1st time, I chose to be in Blue and said that I was tired ... I didn't accurately share that I was emotionally and mentally super tired! (If they had been reading this blog, they would have already known that!)

Then, I looked at the child and asked her what she did and how she was feeling. She admitted to punching me and being in the Blue Zone. Then, she spent the rest of the day being her best self. She was kind to everyone including students from the other classroom whom she cannot stand ... she likes to wipe everything they touch in our classroom with disinfectant wipes!

So, the day started on a tough note ... but got better. I realized that Michael is not an issue; if he is, then that is allowing me to find the strength that I did not know I had. Last week, Michael took a day off. No one picked up his job; but I wasn’t worried. I was confident I could manage. However, my principal got our SNA (Special Needs Assistant) to check in on me throughout the school day and provide support as needed.

Today, my principal dropped by to check in on me. Once again, I let her know how much I love my job. She told me that I should take a day off if I need to. She said it is important that I take care of my mental health. What?! Is she reading this blog?! … Am I that loud?!

Feedback Revisited

In 2005, I co-wrote an article on feedback with a professor and it was published in Education Canada. It was about a year after I graduated from OISE/UT. At that point in time, that was my 1^st and only published work. And it was a big deal. Interestingly, even after 20 years, I am still writing about feedback.

Providing feedback is an essential skill that all teachers need to possess. If we cannot provide immediate and constructive feedback to our students, we cannot help them improve on the essential skills they need to succeed. Professionally speaking, I provide feedback all the time. Personally, I seem to struggle with it.

Anyways, this time around, I felt that quietly writing about my feelings here is not going to change anything at work. So, I sent a note to Michael, and I was very diplomatic. I simply let him know that we have our students for an entire school day that goes from 8:30 am to 3:10 pm. That’s a lot of time. The prep teachers spend about 30-40 minutes, and we are always there to support them … so, we shouldn’t be so hard on ourselves! Since he mentioned our names together, I talked about us as a team.

However, what I really wanted to tell him was to never mention my name with his name in a single sentence ever again!

When you work with someone as closely as Michael and I do, and especially when kids with special needs are involved, we must get along for the greater good. I can’t mess it up for the kids … I must put this feeling of resentment behind me.

Then again, why am I giving importance to something said by someone who has known me all of 6 weeks?! What's wrong with me?!

My Work

In a recent post, I “confessed” to the following:

Unfortunately, I don’t have one single tragic flaw. I have many faults and one of them is to react emotionally and mindlessly when my parenting is questioned.

I react that way when *any* of my responsibilities are questioned. I give my everything when I am given a responsibility, and I go above and beyond if I willingly take on a responsibility. If I am getting paid for it, I will happily lose my sleep over it if I need to! Such is the case with my work. If anyone has been reading anything on this blog, in the last few weeks, they would already know that I love my job, and I love my students.

Here is another episode from Momley Teacher’s life. I thought I could let it go. However, I slept on it and have been awake for a few hours, and I can’t let it go without writing about it. I need to vent in my safe space!

Coincidentally, I am watching S3 E9 of ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ titled ‘Heroic’. It seems to eerily shed light on my current situation, starting with the song ‘Heaven Is a Place on Earth’.

On Thursday, the not-so-new prep teacher took over my classroom to do Music. That’s my FREE time and I could technically go take a nap and no one would think twice about it. However, I stay to support this young teacher. Michael is supposed to support her, but he almost always sits at his desk and does his own stuff. So, I guess I feel compelled to stay. I am glad I did last Thursday. There was a beautiful moment I was able to capture where all 5 of my students listened to instructions from their Music teacher and performed in sync. I was so proud of them. Friday night, I was finally able to share that video with their parents. I CC’d Michael and the Music teacher on that email.

This is what I wrote …

This school year, we have Ms Music Teacher for Music and Gym. She has been amazing with our students. She finds different ways to engage them and inspire them. Here is a short video that demonstrates the wonderful work she is doing with them. I wish I had recorded the entire performance as it only got better; so sorry, this is just a glimpse!

 

Your children do us proud and we are privileged to work with them.

This is Michael’s response …

I'm just seeing this video now, and I'm honestly floored/amazed!!!  Ms. Music Teacher, you are doing amazing work with our kids.   To see each student participating together, all at once, is not an easy task (if I'm being honest, I don't think Ms. Momley or I have been able to command the students as well as you have so far this year).  You are a fantastic teacher.  We are so lucky/thankful to have you on board.

 

Keep up the great work!

What the HECK?!

I am 100% in agreement with the praise he had for the teacher. I took serious offence to what he added in the brackets within his response! Honestly, what the heck?! When this Music teacher comes into our classroom, our students are on their way back in from recess. It is a transition, and it takes a few minutes for them to change into their indoor stuff and gather on the carpet and get ready for Music. If none of that happens seamlessly, nothing gets done … no learning happens and there are no memorable moments to capture!

I can write so much about it, but I won’t! All I will end with is this … within that video, one can see Michael sitting at his desk and missing the moment captured. He should have been supporting the teacher. He should reflect on what he does or does not do. He hasn’t earned the right to say anything about the work I do.

What is heroism anyways?! … it is possible for Heaven to be a place on Earth if we can be kind to each other without demoralizing each other.

Coaching Tales

Last school year, somewhere in April or May, my principal approached me and asked me to be one of the basketball coaches for the girls’ team. My first reaction, which was a private thought, was “are you out of your mind?".

Anyone, who can see me, can see that I am a short and chubby woman. Anyone, who knows me well, knows that I cannot run to save my life. Then, why would anyone want me to be part of a coaching team for a sport that is partial to tall individuals and that requires quick footwork?!

Anyways, it turned out that I would simply be assisting the Toronto Police Services (TPS) with a basketball program they run for underprivileged girls. It was a privilege to be part of it in any capacity. I think of police as protecting us, but I saw them inspire young girls to come out and have fun. Some of the girls were there for the love of basketball; some of them were there to hang out with their friends, and some of them were there for the free food! It doesn't matter why they were there; it was cool that they had the opportunity to be there!

So, when the other ISP teacher approached me at the beginning of this school year to help coach soccer, I did not hesitate. Again, I had no clue about the sport; however, I was willing to learn and support in any way I could! The both of us are there before 8 am on Tuesday and Thursday mornings. Some mornings, it has been rainy or cold, but we have been there for 3 weeks, and next week, we have the tournament - 4 schools go up against each other, and one advances to the next round. I am keeping my fingers crossed. We have one practice left!

Here are some highlights:

- Since it is 'All Gender', there is also a fierce battle between the boys and the girls when they do scrimmage. Once a girl blocked the ball at the net and I screamed with joy and said, "nice save" ... literally all the students looked at me and said, "she used her hands!!". Haiyya ... I keep forgetting that in most parts of the world, the sport is known as 'football' with an emphasis on the word 'foot'. :-)

- The phrase I use the most is "listen up!". I have *the* Teacher's Voice and I use it when kids don't listen to the coach.

- I feel super important with my clipboard and pencil.

I won't be going to the tournament next week as they can only provide release time for one teacher. It doesn't matter. I will be cheering on from wherever I am.

Blue or Green

I felt the need to add that I am, obviously, in the Blue Zone when I arrive home! My oft repeated statement to Hans is, “I am so tired!”. And I also wanted to add that yesterday, I started my workday with some early morning Soccer coaching! Yes, I coach on Tuesday and Thursday mornings. It is an ‘All Gender’ team. And the kids are teaching me all about Soccer. I am a little clueless; however, I am finding out that the most important part of coaching is to show up!

I will perhaps attempt to share some of my coaching escapades one of these days. And in all honesty, I am the Assistant Coach; so, I am probably not that vital. And yet, I am enjoying the experience.

Given that I had an extra long day yesterday, I was truly in the Blue Zone when I got home. However, I completed my IEPs and caught up a little bit on my sleep. This morning, I woke up and realized that I probably come across as an annoying person to my coworkers!

So, I needed to confess that I am as human as the rest of them.

Green OR Blue

If anyone has had an opportunity to work in a classroom full of students diagnosed with Autism, they would have heard of the 'Zones of Regulation'. I am almost always in the Green Zone. That means I am calm and happy and ready to learn.

Today, we had a very chaotic morning. We have a student "visiting" us from the other ISP classroom, and he is as confused as our students. He got into a tussle of sorts with 3 of our students, one at a time, and one after the other. All 3 of them got dysregulated right away, and there was no way any learning was going to happen. Michael made a call to take all the students (5+1) to the Sensory Room. I was glad he made the call and supported it 100%.

When we got back, we were good to go! We start our school day by checking where each of us is ... in terms of the 4 Zones. Today, we were spread out over the 4 of them. We knew whom we could nudge a little and whom to not nudge at all.

Despite the rough start, we had some spectacular moments in the school day. We love when we end the school day with all students going home safely and happily. Some days, we do some debriefing. Today, Michael told me that I can't be in the Green Zone all the time. His rationale is that students need to see us in other Zones. Today, he felt I could have been in the Blue Zone since I worked late last night on the Individual Education Plans (IEPs) for our students that are due tomorrow, and I didn't sleep well, and I had a rough morning! Michael felt that I could do some role modeling for our students - like letting them know it is okay to be in the other Zones. I got his point; however, I truly was in the Green Zone!

I had to let Michael know that I am annoyingly positive. Honestly, I love my job. I love my students (maybe not the most politically correct thing to say, but I do). I always think of how a parent would want their child treated, and since I am a parent, I would want a loving and caring adult taking care of my kids, especially if they also have special needs.

Once I am in my classroom, and I see my 1st student, it is showtime! They get the best of me. I come home, and I have no energy left for my child. It is wonderful that he doesn't need me anymore! 

At this point in this post, I will purposefully digress ... 

Recently, I watched this special on Barbara Walters. She apparently had a child, and she prioritized her job over her parental duties. Within the special, I got to hear Oprah Winfrey's thoughts about that. She shared that Ms Walters encouraged her to have a child; but Ms Winfrey decided that it is best not to since she only had time for her work or something like that! And I got that ... I don't believe Ms Winfrey was saying she made a better choice, I believe she was saying she made a different choice that works for her. Well, some of us are lucky to have the ability to make choices, and I am thankful I am one of those lucky ones!

At the end of the day, it is about women not judging other women. It is also about men not telling women what they should do and how they should feel about the choices they make. When I choose to be in the Green Zone, I could also be role modeling to students that we can continue to be positive regardless of how terrible things get.

The Invisible Privilege

Yesterday, Hans went to a University Fair. He came back informed and excited. He shared that he has his top 5 choices; however, he may not get into any of them. I reminded him that September is not yet done, and he is already giving up hope. I told him, like I told his brother, that Grade 12 is temporary and he only has to work hard for a few weeks.

In response, Hans told me that he could always mention, on his applications, about his single mom and her rheumatoid arthritis. What the heck?! First, I was indignant that he got my diagnosis wrong - it is 'Palindromic Rheumatism'!! And next, I am not the stereotypical 'Single Mom'. I am not struggling in any dire way, and I am not dependent on anyone. Even if I were to lose my job, my parents will welcome me into their abode ... they have been waiting for the past 3 years to do so!

I let Hans know that his mother is not exactly poor. She just made choices that have *enriched* her in other ways. No one should measure one's worth by how much money they make. That is sad and disappointing ... especially when it comes from my child. 

To his credit, Hans didn't argue and looked quite sheepish. It was easy to forgive him ... and write about it here!

This took me back to a post from 2014, ‘What’s one’s worth?’, where ASid felt insecure, and today, that boy is a young man who is super confident and doing well. And now his baby brother has so much self-doubt that he mistakenly thinks that he needs to be pitied to get any consideration! I need to talk more to the boy.

Too Personal!!

Today, we had a PD (Professional Development) day. So, students got a day off and the staff got to hang out together and learn stuff. Our principal wanted to meet the ISP team and get an update, especially since Michael is the newest addition to the team. Obviously, we delivered a positive report and the meeting ended well, with all of us feeling good about the job we are doing.

After that, the 4 of us walked into our 2 classrooms that have a connecting door.

Michael wondered why the parent didn’t respond to his email, from 2 days ago, where he mentioned that their daughter earned his *respect*. I let him know that the parent usually responds if she has a concern or a question. Otherwise, she doesn’t feel the need to respond. Despite my explanation, Michael felt that he gave a great compliment to their daughter, and she should have said thanks or something. I didn’t know what else to say to make him feel better.

Then, he proceeded to proclaim that the reason is that he is “secondary staff” and so not as important as the teacher! That hurt my feelings.

I have written hundreds of emails to family and friends as well as to parents of my students, and barely anyone responds to me! Some days I wish they would respond; but most days, I know that people are busy. I make up excuses for my most favourite individuals and have no expectations from others. That works for me. If I took every non-response personally, I would be the most miserable person on this planet.

I sincerely hope Michael doesn’t make this too personal and base his worth contingent on some parent responding to a compliment he gave their child. And I don’t want this odd perception to affect our professional relationship. That would be too tragic! 

Personal versus Professional

I don’t know how my dad did it. He was able to keep his personal life separate from his professional life. If you are reading this right now, you already know that I live one *wholesome* life on this blog as well as in real life, and I am all over the place … I am talking about my life at work, and I am sharing stuff about work at home.

Last school year, Hans heard me talk about my work almost every single day. He heard some anecdotes several times as I repeated them for my parents, my brother and some friends. So, when he had an opportunity to volunteer at my work last June, he was determined to find that student who made my life a little miserable. (I mentioned this student first time in a July post.) My 17-year-old was on the warpath until I reminded him that this was a 7-year-old kid, and he should let it go! I had never seen my boy so angry, and it reminded me of the 9-year-old Hans I wrote about in ‘The Last One Digit Birthday’. Even at that age, I could see him standing up for me regardless of whom he was standing up to!

In this scenario, he would have been looking down at that kid, both literally and figuratively.

Today, I almost clashed with Michael over this same kid. Michael is enchanted with her, and he truly believes she is this unique little thing. She is. I think she is supremely talented and incredibly imaginative. However, she is also manipulative and mean. Her classmates are terrified of her, and she is our youngest in age and smallest in size. She has not spared anyone with her hands and words. And she has the most excellent expressive and receptive communication skills. Out of the other 4 students we currently have, 2 of them simply echo and one of them shouts random words and the other talks to herself. So, this kid is the only one who can have a conversation.

In a Special Education classroom, we need people who have the utmost patience to speak with a child who cannot reciprocate in any way. The silence can be deafening and sometimes it gets drowned by YouTube videos of endless singing of the songs of childhood. So, when a child comes along with speaking skills, that child has a captive audience. Such is the fate of Michael. Today, I had to take the other 4 students and walk them to a safe space while Michael dealt with this one kid. While I was gone, she trashed our classroom and needed time to calm down. The main reason I evacuated the classroom was because of a rain boot that was deliberately thrown at one of the other 4 students. If we hadn’t left, more bodily damage would have ensued.

At the end of the school day, I send personalized email updates of our students to their parents. This takes me about an hour after work. Michael has requested me to CC him on these emails. I have been doing that since September 2^nd. Today, for the first time, for no good reason, he decides to respond to my email to this kid’s parent. Here is what he wrote:

She just wants to be seen and be heard for who she is (and there is nothing wrong with that).  She just needs a little help controlling her impulses sometimes (and I have every confidence she will continue to do so in time).  … she earned more than a sticker today.  She earned my respect.

What the heck?! Michael wanted to know if I thought his response was alright?! I told him that it was more than alright … it was spectacular! I didn’t know what else to say! This was the kid who tried to silence another by placing a beanbag over the latter’s face, and today, she threw a boot at the same kid. On what planet is such behaviour deserving of respect? I am baffled. Right now, I feel like going back in time and letting Hans know that I respect his feelings … he was just being protective of his mother!

This is something I feel like I cannot talk about anywhere but here. This is my safe space. No one can silence me here.

A Ray of Sunshine

The following poem was written sometime in August. I believe I wrote it on the train ride back from Ottawa.

I am a ray of sunshine

I bring warmth

But sometimes I burn

Myself and others

 

Then I disappear

To cry at night

Yet I show up again

To make things (b)right

My friend KPF’s first name is very similar, in terms of the way it is spelled, to a name in another language. If a letter is deleted from his name, the edited version literally means ‘a ray of sunshine’ in this other language. I was pondering about that and wrote the above poem!

My Best Life

My not-so-new teaching partner, Michael, approached me the other day and said that I am a smart person. I wondered where that was going. Turns out he self-published 2 books of poetry and wanted some feedback from me. I was like 'what makes you think I am smart?', and he was quick with a response that I have 2 degrees. Guilty as charged. I do display my 2 degrees prominently in my work email signature - "B.A. (Honours), B. Ed". They are just Bachelor's degrees and nothing special; however, Michael seemed to focus on the 'Honours' bit a bit too much.

So, I was tasked with reading Michael's poetry. Since I have a long bus ride home, I was able to read his poems literally in one sitting. Then, I felt the responsibility to provide constructive feedback. Obviously, poetry is personal. As always, I tried to focus on the positive. I chose a poem from each collection that I could relate to - one was about a moment with a child, and the other was about a mirror on the wall. Since my blog is all about capturing moments with my children, and recently also about seeing myself in a figurative mirror, I could readily relate to those themes.

And then, I had to deal with the "constructive" part of my feedback. I told Michael that his poetry is too personal, and thus, inaccessible. I sent all my thoughts to Michael in an email. I chose the written format over the oral one as I always feel like I have some control over the words I use. I am quite terrible when I have to convey anything "constructive" in person! Anyways, despite my careful consideration, Michael still felt like I missed certain nuances as he used what he called Canadian slang! Then, it was my turn to be a little upset.

I am as Canadian as Canadian is.

However, I did not go that route. Instead, I told Michael that I need to read his poems in a leisurely manner and perhaps not all at once. That way, maybe I will get the nuances he intended. Michael was happy about that. I did not tell him that I also dabble in poetry. Currently, I have 7 poems "published" on this blog - the most recent one was a modified version of a "song". I do believe a couple of them are a little personal; however, the others are quite relatable I think. Unfortunately, I don't have a clue as my handful of readers are too kind and do not provide *any* feedback!

I wanted to take a moment and throw light on how I am churning out quite a few posts even though I am back at work?! Well, I have only ever wanted to be a teacher and a writer. After I spend an entire school day teaching, I am on a long bus ride back home. The last school year, I spent that hour and a bit, on the bus, playing ‘Candy Crush’. I am at level 18, 000+. This school year, I have decided to instead write if I have something to write about. How cool is that?! I am living my best life.

The Feeling of Failure

Hans had his G2 Driver's Test scheduled for 3:22 pm this afternoon. He had a new instructor who got lost on his way to our home and picked up Hans at 2:39 pm instead of 2 pm and brought Hans to the test centre at 3:25 pm.

A few minutes later, I received a text from Hans ... I failed ... and I responded with ... It is alright.

At 3:58 pm, my parents picked up Hans from the test centre and brought him home. They were there at 3 pm and had been waiting patiently.

First thing I did was to write an email to Young Drivers expressing my utter disappointment. It would have been nice to have his usual instructor and the car he did his lessons in. Having a new instructor and a new car, and arriving late, did not help with nerves. I was sure of that!

Young Drivers called about 3 hours later. That was when I got Hans to share all the details of his ordeal … while I was on the phone with a woman named Irene. Until that moment, the boy wanted to be left alone in his room and not speak a word. While on the phone, I wanted my kid to know that I was advocating for him, and I was in his corner. I also wanted him to see how strong his mother is … I did not swear (and never do anyways) and I spoke calmly and clearly; stated facts (even asked to verify them with the instructor) and finally thanked Irene for calling me. At the end, I refused to pay the $700 for an extra lesson and for rescheduling the test. I had already paid over $2K for the program! I was only willing to pay the fee for the test … they owed Hans a free lesson. I was firm on that!

Hans sat beside me on the couch for a few minutes even after the call ended. He apologized for not eating dinner, and then he wondered if he could step out for some fresh air. I told him to take care and never forget that his mother is there for him.

I am writing about this because providing feedback is challenging. I am 51 and I have always given a 5-star rating to all the restaurants I have frequented, to all the drivers who have given me rides and to all the services I have used. If I had any constructive feedback, I have provided it privately to them without compromising their reputations. Hans is 17. Like his mother, he is positive with his feedback. He is a happy kid and does not want to hurt anyone’s feelings. One day, he will find his voice, and I want it to be purposeful - to speak when it matters!

Individuals and Their Shoes

My paternal grandfather loved buying shoes for his son. In the last few years, the son’s son has enjoyed buying footwear for his father. This grandson is Bambino, my brother. He has bought footwear for literally everyone in the family.

The above fact, by itself, does not make a moment. A moment is made when something unexpected happens - good or bad!

Bambino has been buying shoes for Hans for maybe 3-4 years. Quite frankly, I haven’t been keeping track! All I remember are Hans’ responses to these shoes - especially when Bambino is there in person! (Some shoes have been delivered by mail) Hans usually responds with a big smile, sometimes followed by a hug and always with words of gratitude.

In the last few months, as I settled into my predictable daily routine, I have been paying attention to Hans’ shoes. I observed that his running shoes were quite worn out and falling apart in 3 places. I wasn’t the only one to notice this! For his birthday in May, his maternal uncle gifted Hans with a brand-new pair of shoes. I was visibly emotional as I had been asking the boy to buy a new pair, and he was like “I am okay Mom”. Hans is acutely aware of our current situation, and he refuses to burden me with extra financial demands.

I have told Hans repeatedly that parents must provide children with the basic necessities of life, food, clothing and shelter, and that list includes shoes! 

Since school started 2 weeks ago, Hans and I seemed to have switched our arrival times - I have been home before Hans on most days. As I got out of my footwear at the door each day, I consistently saw that Hans’ not-so-new pair of shoes were there and not his worn-out shoes! I was perplexed and finally questioned him about it 2 or 3 days ago. At that point, he said that they were hurting his feet, and he put them away in the closet - outta sight! So, I reminded him about how he expresses such joy on receiving shoes from his uncle, and I recalled how he hasn’t worn the last 2-3 pairs with the same enthusiasm. I asked him to let Bambino know that maybe they should go shoe purchasing in person, and he could choose what he likes instead of the fake appreciation he has displayed. As predicted, Hans’ response was “it is okay Mom” and he was gone!

Perhaps I was too tough on the boy. He is genuinely happy when he receives the shoes. It is when he wears them that he is not so happy anymore. Since I work with kids who have specific sensory needs, I get that part.

Yesterday, ASid and I had dinner with Bambino and his family. Bambino brought up shoes, or rather boots, as winter is coming up. He wondered about Hans’ shoe size. Since his nephew is unwilling to provide honest feedback to him, I decided to tell my brother that he should stop buying shoes and boots for my youngest. Obviously, Bambino was surprised. He was like “but the boy is always so happy” and I was like “because he doesn’t like to hurt anyone’s feelings”.

This is when my brother proceeded to tell me about my parental responsibilities and how I should teach Hans to provide proper feedback to people. I may not recall the exact words as his words hit me hard … because I take my responsibilities as a parent seriously and my brother just told me that I am not doing a good job! Unfortunately, I don’t have one single tragic flaw. I have many faults and one of them is to react emotionally and mindlessly when my parenting is questioned. I could have said something diplomatic like “it takes a village to raise a child, and we can all take responsibility”; however, I said something like “my child is 17 and can you teach your child to try something new?”. My nephew is 11 and a fussy eater.

It was a moment of embarrassment for me, and I seem to be creating these moments in the heat of the moment and regretting them later!

I got home and I knocked on Hans’ door. He was a little under the weather and had skipped dinner with his uncle and his family. I let Hans know about the exchange of words with my brother. Hans’ immediate response was that he was sorry to put me in a confrontational situation. He knows how much I hate them! I told him that he is my child, and I am happy to speak on his behalf; but he needs to start doing that for himself soon.

Since I like to end a moment on a positive note, I would like to share that ASid who was present at the dinner offered to take his brother shoe shopping and buy him his next pair!

It was a moving moment … it reminded me that Hans and I have wonderful brothers.

Mystery Mail

I believe most of us have lost a thing or 2 over our lifetimes. Some of us lose things regularly. Sometimes it is a big deal and other times, it is of little importance.

Yesterday, Hans was at a One Piece card game tournament. It was quite the fun day until at the very end he realized that he couldn’t find his wallet. He had his Presto card in there and he got worried about losing it. I got a bunch of texts from him about it. I assured him that I would cancel autoload on the card and take care of the balance.

I won’t go into too much detail, but when I transferred the balance of funds online from Hans’ Presto card to mine, it became his card - a youth card! That meant that I lost my card in the process. While I was processing it, Hans got home, and he told me that his wallet was most likely pickpocketed. I know the boy and I know how careful he is about his things. And it hit me that his wallet also had his G1 license!

That’s when I got a call from Craigley. He was with Hans the whole day and apparently, they retraced their steps back and couldn’t find the wallet. Craigley said that he would buy Hans a new wallet. I was like I don’t care about that as we had a bigger problem … Hans’ G2 driver’s test is on September 15^th, and he needs his physical driver’s license. I had read all about it earlier in the day.

So, now, we must file a report with the police; visit a Service Ontario centre and get a replacement license that would arrive in 4-6 weeks. Meanwhile, I sent a note to Young Drivers wondering what the next steps are with the possible cancellation of the G2 road test! I also need to get a new Presto card which is the least of my problems!

After a busy week, I was hoping for a quiet weekend. I had a serene Saturday morning, and I feel blessed. It would have been so easy to get upset with Craigley for disrupting my Saturday afternoon. Stuff happens. But why does it have to happen to me? Seriously, I need a break, and I need more than a Kit Kat!

All the above was written and not posted on Sunday, September 7^th!

On Sunday, I had brekkie with my friend C and got a new Presto card. Young Drivers also got back to me. They called me on a Sunday! They said we should be okay with a replacement license, and we don’t need to cancel the G2 test. My weekend was redeemed!

Meanwhile, Craigley filed a report at some police station.

On Monday, he went to a Service Ontario centre; waited in line for a long time and was told Hans needed to be there! So, Hans got there on Wednesday and missed half a day of school but got the temporary license.

Today, I got home and found a package for Hans. It had his middle name on it. I was a little surprised as he never mentions or uses it. I waited for the boy to get home so I could find out who is sending him mystery packages addressed to his middle name?! He got home quite late and said that he was catching up on the half day’s worth of missed school and he had a very busy day. And I was like ‘what new business are you involved in that you are using your middle name?’ and urged him to open the package. He looked genuinely perplexed as he proceeded to reveal its contents. It was … his wallet!! Everything was in it except for $145 in cash.

Someone took the trouble to mail his wallet, and they also had a return address on it. I will be mailing this person a thank you card. This person put a smile on my child’s face and restored his faith in the goodness of people.

Finders need not always be keepers and losers need not always be weepers.

One more attempt at humour!

My loyal readers, who are down to one or maybe none, may remember that I try to write something humorous for my friend KPF for his birthdays. This year, I decided to give him a break. I mean, it is not much of a gift to compel him to read a post written by a very unfunny me! So, this is just a coincidence that I am writing what I think is comical just 10 days before the special day.

I have been back at work, for the first week of back-to-school, for exactly 3 days now.

The 1^st day I walked in determined to be the best teacher ever for my students as well as for my new CYW. So, I decided to go outside for bussing along with Michael (I am calling him that after our favourite actor to play Batman). That way, we can both welcome our students, and I could introduce him to them. Michael was struggling with the vest we must wear when on duty. It is the worst piece of equipment - it is 3 pieces of clothing attached together flimsily with Velcro. I instinctively reached out and started fixing it for him. It took me maybe 2-3 seconds to realize what I was doing. I immediately stepped back and said, “I am always in mom mode. I am so sorry. Please let me know if I ever invade your personal space like that again!”. That was not cool; but Michael was! After that, we got busy with helping the students in and getting them back to routine. It felt like the day was never going to end. I have a new prep teacher, and I had to also help her get to know our students. On top of that, our principal wanted the kids to play on the big playground with everyone else, and they had never done that before! There is no way to explain the fear I felt. One of our kids decided to run past all access points and people who know me know that I never run, and I ran after this 7-year-old like my life depended on it and caught him just as he went past the school building towards the street! When I got home that day, I crashed on the couch and willed myself to not sleep at 6 pm.

The 2^nd day was a bit of chaos. For whatever reason, TDSB decided to close some of the classrooms in the school building. So, instead of the kids going to another classroom for Music, the prep teacher is now supposed to deliver her lesson in my classroom. I am not particular about my "free time", and I am happy to help as my kids are in an Intensive Support Program (ISP) and transitions can be tough on them. It just so happened that Michael was on call with IT Services, and all the students decided to scream together. I decided to take the loudest one out for a walk. I was back in 5 minutes and found out that one of the students tried to drown out another’s screaming by placing a beanbag on the latter’s face. Luckily, Micheal got there on time and avoided further trauma. When stuff like that happens, we must write incident reports and call parents, and it just extends the school day by several more minutes. At the end of the day, I got my first bit of constructive feedback from Michael. In my report to parent 1, I wrote that Michael “managed to move student 1 away from student 2”. Michael felt like that came across as ‘he physically moved the student’ and that could be perceived as an extreme measure by some parents. He requested that, in the future, I write “student 1 was verbally redirected from student 2”. That made me feel terrible as I pride myself on writing the most descriptive communication to parents that captures their children’s school day vividly and accurately. I got home totally wiped and felt better when Hans shared these words, “Who your parents are makes a huge difference to how your life will be.” … something close to that! I took that as a compliment and stayed up to watch some random YouTube videos with him.

Today, the 3^rd day, I walked in to work and told the other ISP teacher that the last 2 days have felt like 20 days! This teacher is 10 years my junior in terms of our age and 10 years my senior in terms of our work experience as TDSB teachers. We are respectful of each other’s age and experience, and we get along nicely. We both commented on the rainy weather and how that will affect our students. We also wondered how long the staff meeting after school was going to last! The ISP program was on the agenda, at the very end, and I wanted her to give the update. She was fine with that. Then, we got busy. I ended up being part of a very imaginative “99 nights in the forest” game with a student. She is the one who is very unkind to me, and this was an opportunity to reciprocate with kindness. And I killed myself with that kindness. I was ready to go home at the end of the school day and remembered that we had that staff meeting to attend. I decided to pop some chewing gum in, so my face looks a bit animated, and I look somewhat alive. The ISP team sat together - the 2 teachers and the 2 CYWs. We found some mini chocolate bars on the table. I needed a sugar rush, but I had the chewing gum. After the 99 nights game where I got “to sleep” for 2 seconds on a cushion on the carpet and “wake up” … which meant sitting down and standing up several times! So, I was not in a mood to get up from my chair and get rid of the chewing gum in a garbage can! I was only going to stand up one more time, at the end of the staff meeting, to walk out of there! Then I saw Michael reach for one of the minis. I thought what the heck, I need a break, and I need a Kit Kat. I decided I could have the chewing gum on one side of my mouth and the Kit Kat on the other side. I was confident I could chew them separately. Guess what?! At some point, they got mixed up and I accidentally swallowed the chewing gum. I was in a bit of shock and needed to Google it to make sure I didn’t *really* kill myself. However, I never bring my phone to meetings, and so I had to wait.  After that though, I had stopped paying 100% attention to what was being said … I was preoccupied with where in my entire digestive system this piece of chewing gum would lodge itself indefinitely?! After about an hour or so, it was the ISP team's turn to speak. The other ISP teacher was great, and I thought we were done. Our principal looked at me and wanted to hear from me as well. I wasn’t prepared but started off well by thanking her for hiring Michael. I said we had a good 3 days, but our 3 students felt like 30 students. What? Then I said that I was just kidding. What? I had all the teachers look at me like ‘what the heck?’ … yes, that’s the plot twist. Michael and I have only half our students right now!

The meeting literally ended after that.

On the bus home, I closed my eyes for a few minutes. I thought about the last 3 days and smiled. I wanted to write about it all. And I did.

Addendum:

Yesterday, Friday, September 5, 2025, on the 4^th day, the new prep teacher quoted me, she said “3 can feel like 30!”. I was both amused and embarrassed. And then I realized that the people most likely to see the humour in this post are Special Education teachers and support staff. I also realized that I am writing for myself now.

One more addendum:

Tuesday, September 9, 2025, on the 6^th day, Michael walks over to my desk and asks if I could do “the motherly thing” and help him with the Velcro vest again?! I wanted to correct him and state that it is called “mom mode”, and then I realized that I now have an extra “work kid” and let it go!!

A shoutout to a friendship that was!

Tomorrow, I go back to work and will most likely have no time to write until a long weekend, or Winter Break comes along! So, this could be the last post for a while.

The last 2 months, I got to see almost all my friends. I have resigned myself to the fact that I may never see Smoggie in person, and that meant the only other friend I did not see was G … until I saw him from the bus I was on the other day. I couldn’t get off the bus or shout out his name to get his attention, but I was happy to catch a glimpse.

Of all my friendships, my friendship with G was the most scrutinized and the most divisive.

In my 22 years of marriage with Craigley, I was mostly miserable. I should have walked out in July 2014, but I did not. There are important reasons why I didn’t act and waited patiently for an ending that seemed to take forever. (As always, I digress. But that needed to be mentioned as it adds meaning and understanding to my friendship with G.)

When they came up with “the pursuit of happiness”, they weren’t kidding. I know it is American in origin, but it can be applied universally to anyone. I do believe it is a fundamental human right and most of us pursue happiness in our own way. Sometimes we find it in a person and sometimes we find it in our children and sometimes in something else. For me, I usually find happiness in helping others find their happiness. And that can get addictive! (And I digress some more!)

My association with G began in early 2016 when he worked on the school yearbook with another parent. After a few days, I was called in as a “mediator” as G and this other parent, a mom, were at loggerheads with each other. So, I decided to step in and help them. That mom was already a friend and then G became a friend as well. I don’t need to go into all the drama that ensued from that particular friendship. Despite that, I think of him fondly because working with G created some of the happiest memories of my life. And yet, I couldn’t keep him in my life. I protested, rebelled and tried my darndest and nothing worked.

This post is about acknowledging a friendship that was grossly misunderstood and eventually relinquished. But nothing is over until it is over. If there is life, there is hope.

My solo trips to Ottawa are always fruitful. This time around, I realized that I need some growing up to do. I had to admit to myself that I also needed to heal and get better. That means acknowledging everything that is damaged with my life and trying to fix it.

Setting the Record Straight

On my trip to Ottawa, my friend KPF and I reminisced about our time in the IT program where we met. Between the 2 of us, we tried to remember our 34 classmates. While we did that, I spoke to him about being an emotional support animal to so many of our classmates. KPF, for some reason, thought the opposite … he wondered if they were my emotional support dogs?! I was very indignant and was quick to correct him - I told him that I was the emotional support dog!! (Dog sounds so bad; but the female equivalent sounds worse!)

Anyways, the whole exchange got me thinking about the content I have created on this blog. Each blog post seems like a short life lesson for the boys. There are just enough details to make a point, but NOT enough to paint a clear picture. I feel like there is a need to fill in the missing pieces. I don't want anything I said/say to be misinterpreted. So, as a first step, I am going back to a memorable post to flesh out some details.

As already mentioned, the guys outnumbered the girls in the program - there were 6 girls and 30 guys! Then, one of the girls left! This IT program was a 9-month post graduate diploma course, and it was very intense and came with a hefty price tag of $17, 600. Some of my classmates had families and were changing careers and were very serious people. The others, like me, were single, fresh out of school and a little more relaxed.

I guess I made it seem like it was like a therapeutic session for me. Maybe it was, but I also did a lot of handholding and did whatever I could to support some of my classmates. Here are a few ‘stories’ from that time.

My best mate from those 9 months was this shy guy who followed a Canadian exchange student, to his country, back to Canada! He fell in love with this girl and left his family behind and came to Toronto with her. He did not have a job and decided to do the course. He quickly found out how much he hated IT, but he decided to rough it out as he wanted employment so badly. I sat beside him every class and walked to the subway station with him after each class. I had so much respect for him for not giving up. I also loved his commitment to his girlfriend.

Then, there was this guy who took a lot of pleasure in teasing and torturing me. He would call me “soda pop” and sing silly songs. He was the only one who commented on how I smelled … like baby powder. He thought it was the perfect smell for me! This guy stressed me out. I shared with KPF that it was because of this guy that I saw my friend for the first time. It was St. Patrick’s Day, and this guy was threatening to pinch me as I didn’t wear something green. I must have been visibly scared and KPF found this green sticker on a chair and stuck it on me. I guess that was when he became my hero! (And I wonder now if this person would have actually pinched me?!)

For the duration of the program, I sat between my best mate and another guy. This 3^rd person was introverted and didn’t socialize with anyone. At one point, I thought Craigley was interested in him. They did this presentation together and it ended with the last few words from the movie Casablanca. I think they also went out for dinner or something. I maybe had a distorted perception of that situation. The reality, for me, was that I sat between 2 men whom I found to be decent and with whom I felt safe. And that was that.

Here, I want to repost a sentence and provide a bit of commentary on it.

I believe I flirted outrageously with every guy who showed an interest; it was just that and nothing serious.

I should have the words “every guy” replaced with “the only guy” because that’s the truth! This dude supposedly had a girlfriend, and yet he hovered over me. Perhaps he needed some sort of attention or acknowledgement. One day, he went down on his knee and proposed to me with a ring he put together with some plastic/paper, and I playfully accepted. That was the most “distance” I went with him. We never hung out outside of the walls of the building the program was housed in, but within the walls I was showered with a lot of weird devotion.

Anyways, over those 9 months, I only saw KPF and wanted him to be part of my life in any capacity. That was the only connection that meant something to me. I was willing to put time and effort into it. No one else was on my radar, and yet, I ended up dating one of the guys (not mentioned above) briefly and then, eventually married Craigley!

All of this came back to me because KPF wanted us to remember our classmates from 27-28 years ago. Some memories were fun, and some not so much! What I did get from reminiscing was that I have led an interesting life and have met some characters. It also got me thinking about finally writing that book. In my attempt to set the record straight, I realized I am ready to write more than a page at a time.

The *Last* School Year

Yesterday, I had about 2-3 minutes of in person time with Hans. I was back at work this week and barely saw the boy. I wondered how he was doing?! To which, he responded with the following:

I am Good-ah like the cheese ... Life is just a breeze

Then, he paused and said that this feeling will last for just 4 more days, and then he will not have a life!

Hans is starting Grade 12 next week, and he is still not sure what he wants to do a year from now. I am not too concerned right now. I am sure he will figure it out. Fortunately for him, he has surrounded himself with some high achievers whose parents are on top of things. They are all picking up my slack. :-)

Hans had a great summer. I did too. We did our own things, and we also did stuff together. As we both prepare for our last school year together, under the same roof, I am super excited for next summer. It is good to "not have a life" for a bit. That way, we truly appreciate life when we get to live it the way we want to live it.

My Teaching Partner: Conclusion

I guess this is the concluding post.

I got an early morning call from my principal on Tuesday. The guy accepted the job. I was a little dejected as I got ready for work. When I got to my classroom, I saw a cute giraffe stuffy sitting on a table, and I was a little confused. It was brand new and a good size and just sitting there! It looked like a gift. Then, my principal makes an announcement to see me in her office. She let me know that the new CYW would be dropping by the next day and he is great as he comes with plenty of amazing references. That was that!

All I did after that was walk around a little bit trying to get a grip on my new reality. Then, I run into my principal in one of the hallways, and she wondered if I found the gift?! What?! That was her?! And suddenly, I felt a bit better about my new reality. Life is not that bad.

On Wednesday, I got to meet Mr. C, the new CYW. We ended up spending 4 hours together. I showed him around and let him know everything about everything. I introduced him to other staff members, and it was hilarious when one of them informed him that he is going to be the only male surrounded by a bunch of menopausal women. I was glad that she said that, and I didn’t have to! Mr. C didn’t look like he was going to rush to HR and change his mind about working with all of us.

Turns out Mr. C is okay. We both think the best batman was played by the same actor. In fact, Mr. C named his child after this actor’s last name. That aside, we had something else in common - we both love our jobs! And I truly appreciated the following first message I received from him.

Hey Momley! It’s your new favourite coworker, Mr. C. … I’m looking forward to this year. Thank you for being so genuine and accommodating.

And I truly believe this will be a wonderful school year. I will initially miss Ma Bean like crazy; but I also know, whether I like it or not, life goes on.

My Teaching Partner: Part 2

Today was my 1^st day back at work, in person. I did not hear anything about Miss Bean coming back and I was a little worried. I couldn’t wait to see our principal and find out what is happening. She was busy and I had to wait. While I waited, I started moving the furniture in the classroom and getting everything back in place so it is exactly as the students would remember it when they come back on September 2, 2025. In the process, I discovered that 3 chairs had disappeared. That was a good distraction for a while.

Eventually, the principal wanted to see me. It turns out that Miss B didn’t even make the shortlist for the interviews as she is not permanent staff. What?! And the principal offered the job to the best candidate. And it is a guy!! Why?! I wanted to scream and stomp my feet; throw my arms up in the air and walk out of there. However, I did not. I tried to focus on the positive … this guy hadn’t accepted the job yet! That’s good news. Apparently, he had 6 other interviews. That’s great news. So, I still don’t have a CYW for the classroom.

Now, why would I be so upset at the possibility of working with a guy? Normally, I wouldn’t be. It is just that my workplace has 100% female staff and support staff. The only 2 male employees are the morning and evening caretakers. So, this guy (if he were to accept the CYW position) would be the only guy … and he will be with me! For us to work as a team, this guy would have to be as openminded and as humble as they come. As mentioned in an earlier post, power politics could get nasty in special education classrooms. Anything can set a person off. I would literally be thinking twice before I speak.

I am not sure why things happen randomly to me. Right now, though, I am hoping this guy has found his dream job elsewhere and he is not showing up to work with me. I guess I will let everyone know in a concluding post someday soon.

The Last Trip to the Ex

I am so surprised that I haven’t written about the CNE even once in 463 posts!

Ever since my friend Kay moved to Toronto 7 years ago, the trip to the Ex has been an annual event with Hans and her boy who is 11 months younger than Hans. The boys were 9 and 10 when we went to the Ex for the 1^st time in August 2018. That was also the year ASid had his 1^st paid summer job and it was coincidentally at the CNE. We were also joined by our friend C (Manda) and her 2 boys.

At the CNE, there is always a person who will take a wager to guess someone’s age or weight. If they guess within an acceptable range, they win. If not, someone gets a prize. I decided to win a stuffy that summer in 2018. I had just turned 44 and 3 years prior to that I was mistaken for the mother of a woman who was 8 years older than me! I knew I was going to win whatever prize I wanted! And I did! The person, who was a young lady, thought I was 56. Yes, for real.

This year, I felt like it was going to be the last trip to the Ex. So, partially for nostalgic reasons and partially because the guy was so entertaining, I decided to lose some money. I told the guy that I don’t even want a prize! At which point, my friend Kay interrupted me and let it be known that we would take a prize. I told her to be my guest. I also told the guy that people are always overestimating my age, and I am used to it. I told him that he was going to lose. This guy was probably my age and a total charmer. He took off to have a consultation with the lemonade guy, and then he comes back with a sticky note with a number written on it. Then, it was the moment of truth. I said 51 and he had 46. What?? That had never happened before. So, this guy’s free advice to me was to laugh more as that makes people look younger!

As my friend and I walked away with a small stuffy, I remarked how the boys are getting older, and we may have to come back to the CNE on our own next year. My friend looked at me like I was insane and let me know that we can find a better place to go to than the CNE. I guess that’s true. It is bittersweet. Little Hans took forever to explore the grounds of the CNE. The current version of Hans, who is taller than his Momley, makes the grounds seem smaller than ever before.

This is the first of many goodbyes as my little guy inches his way to adulthood. 

Addendum:

This is a correction to the 1^st sentence of this post. I wrote about the CNE, for the 1^st time, exactly 7 years ago. So, this is the 2^nd post about the CNE.

What’s in a Family Name?

Of all the relationships I have had, the most fun one has always been with Smoggie. I haven’t seen him since 2009, and yet he has been the recipient of all my emotional outbursts. He is always my 1^st call, even when I know he is not at the receiving end of that call - I’d rather leave a message for him than talk with anyone else.

This morning, as I checked my email, I realized for the umpteenth time that Smoggie created that email account for me on March 23, 2000. That was the day I told him that I was marrying Craigley! My new email id had a new family name. Smoggie knew, without a doubt, I would make that change.

When I did make the change officially 2 or 3 months later, my mother was disappointed. She thought she had raised a strong woman, and she didn’t understand why I felt the need to take on my then new husband’s family name! To be honest, I didn’t think that much about it.

Now that Craigley and I have been separated for almost 3 years, I have been asked that question again - are you changing your last name? Right now, the answer to that is “no”! My children and I share the same last name or family name. We are a team, with or without Craigley - so, this is like a team name.

Everything I have accomplished in the last 25 years has been with that team name. Ironically, the name of this blog was partially contributed by Craigley (although he is blissfully unaware of it).

When Smoggie created that email account for me, even before I married Craigley, he knew that I was serious about joining the new team and I was going to give it my all. And I did. The team is stronger than ever!

Revisiting and Revising

About 6 years ago, on August 26, 2019, I shared a song for ASid here. I recently took a second look at it and was seriously disappointed. That was so amateur; but I guess I had to start somewhere. So, here is to right-ing that wrong. Here is my second attempt. It is no longer a song, but a poem of sorts. I’d like to believe that it is less pretentious and more honest than the one written 6 years ago.

As you leave home

Here is some advice

Leave it or take it

They are just words

Dad may not have been there

Ma could have done better

There wasn’t always sunshine

There were dark days

You shone despite

You carved your path

You are off to a start

Do not look back

Life is a race

You can be a horse

But be the beast

That carries the weight

No matter where you land

No matter what you do

Know this within you

The joy you brought this life

In 4 days, ASid will be 24 years old. He has shown an amazing maturity in the last 3 years. He has been the best older brother to Hans. He stepped up in every way.

I believe one day I will write that song, for him, with him … I may have found my writing partner!

Summer of Momley

My friend C, whom I may have named Manda, has wanted me to have a summer named after me. I believe her wish came true this summer.

For the 1^st time in a few years, I started my summer break without doing any paperwork for Employment Insurance. It was a great feeling as I felt that I earned this break. Imagine my horror when the 1^st pay cheque I received on July 3, 2025, had all of $0 as my reward. I won’t go into details here, but I found out that due to some payroll oversight (error), I wouldn’t get paid at all for the 2 months. I couldn’t get anyone to fix this problem as everyone was on vacation. I almost cancelled summer. Lucky that I ran into my bank person at a bus stop. She reminded me that I am richer than I think, and I should enjoy my summer. And I did!

I believe I went out about 30 times and that includes a nearly 2-day trip to Ottawa. I watched movies, in the theatre, by myself and with others. I completed 2 online courses that had a deadline of August 1^st and simultaneously binge-watched all seasons of Mad Men as the series left Netflix on July 31^st. I also watched stuff that Hans wanted me to watch with him. I spent time with my child. I spent time with my parents as well.

I was inspired to write this post as I got to spend a few minutes with ASid yesterday. I don’t get to see my boy as much anymore and the opportunities that come by are few and precious. I filled him in on my trip to Ottawa as I not only saw my friend KPF there but also had a brief visit with ASid’s best friend while I was there. I shared that I like how KPF lives his life. He pursues his interests and passions. Currently, he is a PhD student, and he told me that when he is done, he could play piano for the next 10 years! How does one live life like that? With such utter abandonment!

How ASid responded to that was beyond a mere pleasant surprise! He said a whole bunch of words and I hope I remember them accurately - “Some people have no sons, and you have two sons. You can do whatever you want. You need money, you can borrow from me. You can just take it. You don’t even have to return it. You can live like your friend KPF if you want to!”.

I was almost speechless, but I always have something to say. I told him that I love my job, and I can’t wait to get back to work. To which ASid also told me that I do not have to work until I am 65! (To be fair, a teacher should stop working when she can no longer look at her students joyfully.) Before I digress, I was so happy that I took the time out to meet with ASid. My commute was longer than the time I got with him, but it was totally worth it.

This week, I will be at work for a bit. Next week, I plan to be there every single day. The following week, I am reunited with my work children. Can’t wait to see them and see how they have grown. Can’t wait for a full school year of teaching. It is wonderful to watch children learn, grow and become their own people.

It has been a great summer!