Coaching Tales

Last school year, somewhere in April or May, my principal approached me and asked me to be one of the basketball coaches for the girls’ team. My first reaction, which was a private thought, was “are you out of your mind?".

Anyone, who can see me, can see that I am a short and chubby woman. Anyone, who knows me well, knows that I cannot run to save my life. Then, why would anyone want me to be part of a coaching team for a sport that is partial to tall individuals and that requires quick footwork?!

Anyways, it turned out that I would simply be assisting the Toronto Police Services (TPS) with a basketball program they run for underprivileged girls. It was a privilege to be part of it in any capacity. I think of police as protecting us, but I saw them inspire young girls to come out and have fun. Some of the girls were there for the love of basketball; some of them were there to hang out with their friends, and some of them were there for the free food! It doesn't matter why they were there; it was cool that they had the opportunity to be there!

So, when the other ISP teacher approached me at the beginning of this school year to help coach soccer, I did not hesitate. Again, I had no clue about the sport; however, I was willing to learn and support in any way I could! The both of us are there before 8 am on Tuesday and Thursday mornings. Some mornings, it has been rainy or cold, but we have been there for 3 weeks, and next week, we have the tournament - 4 schools go up against each other, and one advances to the next round. I am keeping my fingers crossed. We have one practice left!

Here are some highlights:

- Since it is 'All Gender', there is also a fierce battle between the boys and the girls when they do scrimmage. Once a girl blocked the ball at the net and I screamed with joy and said, "nice save" ... literally all the students looked at me and said, "she used her hands!!". Haiyya ... I keep forgetting that in most parts of the world, the sport is known as 'football' with an emphasis on the word 'foot'. :-)

- The phrase I use the most is "listen up!". I have *the* Teacher's Voice and I use it when kids don't listen to the coach.

- I feel super important with my clipboard and pencil.

I won't be going to the tournament next week as they can only provide release time for one teacher. It doesn't matter. I will be cheering on from wherever I am.

blue or green

I felt the need to add that I am, obviously, in the Blue Zone when I arrive home! My oft repeated statement to Hans is, “I am so tired!”. And I also wanted to add that yesterday, I started my workday with some early morning Soccer coaching! Yes, I coach on Tuesday and Thursday mornings. It is an ‘All Gender’ team. And the kids are teaching me all about Soccer. I am a little clueless; however, I am finding out that the most important part of coaching is to show up!

I will perhaps attempt to share some of my coaching escapades one of these days. And in all honesty, I am the Assistant Coach; so, I am probably not that vital. And yet, I am enjoying the experience.

Given that I had an extra long day yesterday, I was truly in the Blue Zone when I got home. However, I completed my IEPs and caught up a little bit on my sleep. This morning, I woke up and realized that I probably come across as an annoying person to my coworkers!

So, I needed to confess that I am as human as the rest of them.

Green OR Blue

If anyone has had an opportunity to work in a classroom full of students diagnosed with Autism, they would have heard of the 'Zones of Regulation'. I am almost always in the Green Zone. That means I am calm and happy and ready to learn.

Today, we had a very chaotic morning. We have a student "visiting" us from the other ISP classroom, and he is as confused as our students. He got into a tussle of sorts with 3 of our students, one at a time, and one after the other. All 3 of them got dysregulated right away, and there was no way any learning was going to happen. Michael made a call to take all the students (5+1) to the Sensory Room. I was glad he made the call and supported it 100%.

When we got back, we were good to go! We start our school day by checking where each of us is ... in terms of the 4 Zones. Today, we were spread out over the 4 of them. We knew whom we could nudge a little and whom to not nudge at all.

Despite the rough start, we had some spectacular moments in the school day. We love when we end the school day with all students going home safely and happily. Some days, we do some debriefing. Today, Michael told me that I can't be in the Green Zone all the time. His rationale is that students need to see us in other Zones. Today, he felt I could have been in the Blue Zone since I worked late last night on the Individual Education Plans (IEPs) for our students that are due tomorrow, and I didn't sleep well, and I had a rough morning! Michael felt that I could do some role modeling for our students - like letting them know it is okay to be in the other Zones. I got his point; however, I truly was in the Green Zone!

I had to let Michael know that I am annoyingly positive. Honestly, I love my job. I love my students (maybe not the most politically correct thing to say, but I do). I always think of how a parent would want their child treated, and since I am a parent, I would want a loving and caring adult taking care of my kids, especially if they also have special needs.

Once I am in my classroom, and I see my 1st student, it is showtime! They get the best of me. I come home, and I have no energy left for my child. It is wonderful that he doesn't need me anymore! 

At this point in this post, I will purposefully digress ... 

Recently, I watched this special on Barbara Walters. She apparently had a child, and she prioritized her job over her parental duties. Within the special, I got to hear Oprah Winfrey's thoughts about that. She shared that Ms Walters encouraged her to have a child; but Ms Winfrey decided that it is best not to since she only had time for her work or something like that! And I got that ... I don't believe Ms Winfrey was saying she made a better choice, I believe she was saying she made a different choice that works for her. Well, some of us are lucky to have the ability to make choices, and I am thankful I am one of those lucky ones!

At the end of the day, it is about women not judging other women. It is also about men not telling women what they should do and how they should feel about the choices they make. When I choose to be in the Green Zone, I could also be role modeling to students that we can continue to be positive regardless of how terrible things get.

The Invisible Privilege

Yesterday, Hans went to a University Fair. He came back informed and excited. He shared that he has his top 5 choices; however, he may not get into any of them. I reminded him that September is not yet done, and he is already giving up hope. I told him, like I told his brother, that Grade 12 is temporary and he only has to work hard for a few weeks.

In response, Hans told me that he could always mention, on his applications, about his single mom and her rheumatoid arthritis. What the heck?! First, I was indignant that he got my diagnosis wrong - it is 'Palindromic Rheumatism'!! And next, I am not the stereotypical 'Single Mom'. I am not struggling in any dire way, and I am not dependent on anyone. Even if I were to lose my job, my parents will welcome me into their abode ... they have been waiting for the past 3 years to do so!

I let Hans know that his mother is not exactly poor. She just made choices that have *enriched* her in other ways. No one should measure one's worth by how much money they make. That is sad and disappointing ... especially when it comes from my child. 

To his credit, Hans didn't argue and looked quite sheepish. It was easy to forgive him ... and write about it here!

This took me back to a post from 2014, ‘What’s one’s worth?’, where ASid felt insecure, and today, that boy is a young man who is super confident and doing well. And now his baby brother has so much self-doubt that he mistakenly thinks that he needs to be pitied to get any consideration! I need to talk more to the boy.

Too Personal!!

Today, we had a PD (Professional Development) day. So, students got a day off and the staff got to hang out together and learn stuff. Our principal wanted to meet the ISP team and get an update, especially since Michael is the newest addition to the team. Obviously, we delivered a positive report and the meeting ended well, with all of us feeling good about the job we are doing.

After that, the 4 of us walked into our 2 classrooms that have a connecting door.

Michael wondered why the parent didn’t respond to his email, from 2 days ago, where he mentioned that their daughter earned his *respect*. I let him know that the parent usually responds if she has a concern or a question. Otherwise, she doesn’t feel the need to respond. Despite my explanation, Michael felt that he gave a great compliment to their daughter, and she should have said thanks or something. I didn’t know what else to say to make him feel better.

Then, he proceeded to proclaim that the reason is that he is “secondary staff” and so not as important as the teacher! That hurt my feelings.

I have written hundreds of emails to family and friends as well as to parents of my students, and barely anyone responds to me! Some days I wish they would respond; but most days, I know that people are busy. I make up excuses for my most favourite individuals and have no expectations from others. That works for me. If I took every non-response personally, I would be the most miserable person on this planet.

I sincerely hope Michael doesn’t make this too personal and base his worth contingent on some parent responding to a compliment he gave their child. And I don’t want this odd perception to affect our professional relationship. That would be too tragic! 

Personal versus Professional

I don’t know how my dad did it. He was able to keep his personal life separate from his professional life. If you are reading this right now, you already know that I live one *wholesome* life on this blog as well as in real life, and I am all over the place … I am talking about my life at work, and I am sharing stuff about work at home.

Last school year, Hans heard me talk about my work almost every single day. He heard some anecdotes several times as I repeated them for my parents, my brother and some friends. So, when he had an opportunity to volunteer at my work last June, he was determined to find that student who made my life a little miserable. (I mentioned this student first time in a July post.) My 17-year-old was on the warpath until I reminded him that this was a 7-year-old kid, and he should let it go! I had never seen my boy so angry, and it reminded me of the 9-year-old Hans I wrote about in ‘The Last One Digit Birthday’. Even at that age, I could see him standing up for me regardless of whom he was standing up to!

In this scenario, he would have been looking down at that kid, both literally and figuratively.

Today, I almost clashed with Michael over this same kid. Michael is enchanted with her, and he truly believes she is this unique little thing. She is. I think she is supremely talented and incredibly imaginative. However, she is also manipulative and mean. Her classmates are terrified of her, and she is our youngest in age and smallest in size. She has not spared anyone with her hands and words. And she has the most excellent expressive and receptive communication skills. Out of the other 4 students we currently have, 2 of them simply echo and one of them shouts random words and the other talks to herself. So, this kid is the only one who can have a conversation.

In a Special Education classroom, we need people who have the utmost patience to speak with a child who cannot reciprocate in any way. The silence can be deafening and sometimes it gets drowned by YouTube videos of endless singing of the songs of childhood. So, when a child comes along with speaking skills, that child has a captive audience. Such is the fate of Michael. Today, I had to take the other 4 students and walk them to a safe space while Michael dealt with this one kid. While I was gone, she trashed our classroom and needed time to calm down. The main reason I evacuated the classroom was because of a rain boot that was deliberately thrown at one of the other 4 students. If we hadn’t left, more bodily damage would have ensued.

At the end of the school day, I send personalized email updates of our students to their parents. This takes me about an hour after work. Michael has requested me to CC him on these emails. I have been doing that since September 2^nd. Today, for the first time, for no good reason, he decides to respond to my email to this kid’s parent. Here is what he wrote:

She just wants to be seen and be heard for who she is (and there is nothing wrong with that).  She just needs a little help controlling her impulses sometimes (and I have every confidence she will continue to do so in time).  … she earned more than a sticker today.  She earned my respect.

What the heck?! Michael wanted to know if I thought his response was alright?! I told him that it was more than alright … it was spectacular! I didn’t know what else to say! This was the kid who tried to silence another by placing a beanbag over the latter’s face, and today, she threw a boot at the same kid. On what planet is such behaviour deserving of respect? I am baffled. Right now, I feel like going back in time and letting Hans know that I respect his feelings … he was just being protective of his mother!

This is something I feel like I cannot talk about anywhere but here. This is my safe space. No one can silence me here.

A Ray of Sunshine

The following poem was written sometime in August. I believe I wrote it on the train ride back from Ottawa.

I am a ray of sunshine

I bring warmth

But sometimes I burn

Myself and others

 

Then I disappear

To cry at night

Yet I show up again

To make things (b)right

My friend KPF’s first name is very similar, in terms of the way it is spelled, to a name in another language. If a letter is deleted from his name, the edited version literally means ‘a ray of sunshine’ in this other language. I was pondering about that and wrote the above poem!